| 2.22 TWO CATHEDRALS GUY: I don’t wanna be the first one to say it. But I think the President has to strongly consider not running. LEO: You think you’re the first one to say it? GUY: Leo - LEO: You are, at minimum, the thirty-fifth in the last two hours. CJ: Listen, I was thinking, since it’s probably gonna be a light day, maybe blow of work, go shopping or something… JOSH: Anyway, Leo said we should light a fire under it so I wrote a pretty strongly-worded brief. CJ: (reading it) “The White House Immediate Release, Office of the Press, Today the President calls on Congress to serve their day in court and this administration will not sit on the bench while well-fed members of the appropriations committee choke off funds for a law suit aimed at perpetraters of hundreds of millions of negligent homicides while filling their campaign war chests.” (Beat) This is like the fire we used to throw in the early primaries. JOSH: Let Bartlet be Bartlet. CJ: You gotta put it away for a little bit. CHARLIE: You only have two meetings before then, sir, do you need anything? POTUS: I need palbearers. POTUS: I dunno. Leo’s pretty rich. Maybe he can buy some tech stocks and jack up the price. MRS L: Why do you call your father sir? JED: Is this going to be an afternoon of questions? MRS L: Actually, you’ve been talking for quite some time. JED: I’m sorry – am I boring you, Delores? MRS L: Mrs. Landingham. Please. MRS L: Your car won’t start. JED: No MRS L: What’s wrong with it? JED: It’s possibly the starter motor or the fan belt. MRS L: Do you know anything about cars? JED: No. MRS L: Then how do you – JED: Because those are the two things I’ve heard of. MRS L: So you fix your car and pretend you aren’t listening, I’m just gonna talk ‘cause I know ya are. JED: What could you possibly want? MRS L: I’ve got numbers. JED: There’s something abnormal about you. JED: Is this really the best time for this? MRS L: Well, you don’t seem to be going anywhere. MRS L: If we paid people according to how many children they had to support, then Malcom Bunny the groundskeeper would get triple what the headmaster makes. JED: Mrs. Landingham - MRS L: You know I’m right. JED: Look – MRS L: You know I’m right. You’ve known it since I brought it up, you’ve known it since before then. MRS L: You’re gonna do it. JED: I didn’t say that. MRS L: Yes you did. JED: When? MRS L: Right then. You stuck your hands in your pocket, looked away and smiled. That means you made up your mind. POTUS: You’re a son of a bitch, y’know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What? Was that s’posed to be funny? “You can’t conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God” says Graham Green. I don’t know whose ass he was kissing there ‘cause I think you’re just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman? A warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours but praise his glory and praise his name? There’s a tropical storm headed our way. They say we haven’t had a storm this bad since you took out my tender ship in the North Atlantic last year. Y’know what a tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. Doesn’t even carry guns, just goes around, fixes the other ships, and delivers the mail, that’s all it can do. Gracias tibiago dominae. Yes, I lied. It was a sin, I’ve committed many sins. Have I displeased you, you feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn’t good? Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, 30 MILLION new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we’re not fighting a war, I’ve raised three children, that’s not enough to bail me out of the doghouse? Haec creum a deo pio? A deo iusto? A deo scito? Cruceatus en crucem. Tuus interus servus nunius fui, officion perfeci. Cruceatus en crucem. Eas en crucem. You get Hoynes. CJ: We’ll call ‘em answer A and answer B. “Mr. President, does this mean you won’t be seeking a second term?” Answer A: “You bet, I will absolutely be seeking a second term, I’m looking forward to the campaign, there is great work yet to be done.” JOSH: Yeah CJ: Answer B… JOSH: “Are you outta your mind? I can’t possibly win a second term, I lied about a degerative illness, am the subject of a Grand Jury Investigation, and Congress is about to take me out to lunch. I’d sooner have my family take off their clothes and do the Tara Toa on the Truman Balcony than go through a campaign with this around my neck.” Think that’s too on the nose? CJ: I do. SAM: I wanna bring it up again. CJ: Why? SAM: Because I got shouted down the first three times and I work here the same as you do, have we met? POTUS: MRS LANDINGHAM! MRS L: I really wish you wouldn’t shout, Mr. President. POTUS: The door keeps blowing open. MRS L: Yes, but there’s an intercom and you can call me at my desk. POTUS: I… MRS L: You don’t know how to use the intercom. POTUS: It’s not that I don’t know how to use it, it’s just that I haven’t learned yet. (Silence) I have MS and I didn’t tell anybody. MRS L: Yeah. So you’re having a bit of a day. POTUS: Are ya gonna make jokes? MRS L: God doesn’t make cars crash and you know it. Stop using me as an excuse. POTUS: I’ve got a secret for ya, Mrs. Landingham. I’ve never been the most popular guy in the Democratic party. MRS L: I’ve got a secret for you, Mr. President. Your brother was a prick who could never get over the fact that he wasn’t as smart as his brothers. Are ya in a tough spot? Yeah. Do I feel sorry for you? I do not. Why? Because there are people a lot worse off than you. POTUS: Gimme numbers. MRS L: I don’t know numbers. You give ‘em to me. MRS L: Y’know, if you don’t want to run again, I respect that. But if you don’t run because you think it’ll be too hard or you think you might lose, then God, Jed, I don’t even wanna know ya. |