3.05 War Crimes CHARLIE: How was church? ABBY: It was fine. POTUS: It sucked. ABBY: Stop it. POTUS: It sucked. ABBY: You’re talking about church. POTUS: Oh, like I’m not already going to hell. ABBY: He thinks the homely lacked panache. POTUS: It did lack panache. ABBY: It was a perfectly lovely homely. Ephesians 5:21 “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” POTUS: Yeah, she’s skippin’ over the part that says “Wives, be subject to your husbands as Christ was subject to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.” ABBY: I do skip over that part. CHARLIE: Why? ABBY: ‘Cause it’s stupid. CHARLIE: Okay. ABBY: “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her having cleansed her in the washing of water with the Word that he might present the church to himself in…” …Something. POTUS: “in splendor.”  I have no problem with Ephesians.  And any time you want me to cleanse you by washing of waters, you know I’m up for it. ABBY: Then what is this about? POTUS: Hackary!  This guy was a hack!  He had a captive audience and the way I know is that I tried to tunnel out of there many times.  He had a captive audience and he didn’t know what to do with it. ABBY: You want him to sing “Volare”? POTUS: Couldn’t hurt.  Words when spoken out loud for the sake of performance are music.  They have rhythm and pitch and timbre and volume.  These are the properties of music and music has the ability to find us and lift us up in a way literal meaning can’t. ABBY: You are an oratorical snob. POTUS: Yes, I am, and God loves me for it. ABBY: I thought you said He was sending you to Hell. POTUS: For other things, not for this.  POTUS: All hacks off the stage right now! That’s a National Security Order. ABBY: He’s feisty, please, don’t ask about church. CJ: How’d you know? WILL: The State Department came and got me. CJ: That had to have been embarrassing in front of your Narco-Barren Friends. GUY: It’s worthless. SAM: It’s actually worth one cent… POTUS: You always pick the team that has more players out of Notre Dame. CHARLIE: That’s a heckuva system there, sir. POTUS: What’s your system? CHARLIE: I compare the team’s record to the record of its opponent. POTUS: Seems a little simplistic isn’t it? LEO: Y’know what we need in this country? ALLEN: An Aviation Prince? LEO: That’s right. TOBY: I’m not here. CJ: I called you at home and had you paged.  I didn’t know you were here. TOBY: I’m not. DONNA: Just out of curiosity what would you say? That you thought you saw a diary while you were hunting around for your boxer shorts? SAM: Why? Because this country is filled with unbalanced people many of whom find their way to Washington as if the continent funnels them all here. JOSH: He wants to abolish the penny? SAM: He doesn’t want to abolish it so much as he wants to give his boss a good reason why he can’t. JOSH: ‘Cause it’s stupid. JOSH: You’ve been reading about this? SAM: It’s interesting. JOSH: No, it’s not. JOSH: Sam. SAM: I’m turning into one of the funnel people. JOSH: Yeah. SAM: Can’t even throw it in a toll booth.  Well, ‘cept for in Illinois. JOSH: Why can you in Illinois? SAM: That’s an interesting question. JOSH: No, it’s not. POTUS: Texans don’t like that you have the courage of your convictions? HOYNES: They’re not my convictions, they’re yours! POTUS: Oh yeah, I forgot. HOYNES: Ya think we need ax-control? POTUS: Well, I never saw it that way. HOYNES: Playing devil’s advocate. POTUS: We need stricter ax control! SAM: I can come back if you’re in the middle of something. ALLEN: We’re eliminating genocide, what are you doing? SAM: Eliminating the penny. TOBY: You’re a good deputy, Sam. SAM: What do ya mean? TOBY: Yeah. SAM: You won all my money in football, didn’t ya? TOBY: Yeah, but I mean it anyway.