| 3.14 Hartsfield’s Landing LEO: CJ? CJ: Hey, Leo. LEO: What’s he doing? CJ: “The History of Chess” by Dr. Josiah Bartlet. CJ: Harsfield’s landing has accurately predicted the winner in every Presidential election since William Howard Taft who, by the way, was the founder of the 7th-inning stretch, wherein we sing “Take me Out to the Ballgame”, music and lyrics by Jack Norworth and Albert von Tulser. It’s all part of the service here at Claudia’s House of Useless Knowledge. DONNA: I was coming. JOSH: You were taking your time. DONNA: I don’t have warp speed. DONNA: This is a government phone, I can’t use it to intimidate voters. JOSH: Sad but true. POTUS: Wanna play? SAM: With you? I’ll get killed. POTUS: Why? SAM: Because you’re a grand wizard or a grand master or…something. POTUS: No, I’m none of those things, I’m just grand. CJ: You’ll find it in your filing cabinet under A for Anal. LARRY: (Quietly, to Ed) I don’t really wanna know what he’s gonna find in his filing cabinet, do you? ED: No. POTUS: Take your time. (Pause) See the whole board. (Pause) Think happy thoughts… SAM: Sir? POTUS: Sure. (LONG pause) The Spanish brought chess to the court of Charlemagne in 760 AD. Charlemagne is French for “Charles the Great.” (Pause) The Charles is a river in Boston. (Pause) The Hudson River is actually not a river at all- SAM: I’m taking your rook. LEO: What are you doing? JOSH: Just trying to get a pizza in an uncivilized world. LEO: It’s not easy being you. CJ: So how long do you usually make people your bitch? CHARLIE: Depends. SAM: I don’t know how you-…I don’t know the word…I don’t know how you do it. POTUS: You have a lot of help. You listen to everybody, and then you call the play. (Long pause) Sam, you’re gonna run for President one day. Don’t be scared. You can do it. I believe in you. |