The man starts walking over to all of the commotion, with his back to the camera, and walks right into the crowd and stares down at the deceased bird lying in the middle of the road. He looks to the left, and the hicks stare back, and then he looks to the right, and the rest of the "Yee-Haw Sqaud" looks back. He walks around the bird, and then turns and faces the camera from the adjacent side of the scene. There, standing in his new duds, is "Too Xtreme" Ricky Osbourne, staring at one of these people next meal. Roadkill Surprise for little Jimmy, Timmy and their parents, or Feather-Infested Maggot Burgers for Billy and Steve, the homo-sexuals in trailer 6. Ricky's stomach turns as he stares into the lifeless carcus of the dead bird, which appears to be some sort of sea-gull, but what is a sea-gull doing in the middle of a trailer park?***
TXRO - (in a faked hillbilly accent) So, which one of y'all hillbillies are gonna eat this here gull bird?
Stuttering Sam - (stutters) I...I...I....would like to uh, umm, take that...bi...bi...bird home and eat it with a fork.
TXRO - That's good, at least you were honest about that. So it seems that Stuttering Sam is the only one that wants this bird? Come on people, free meal, the guys that hit it left it here, so the roadkill is here for the takin'!
Turrets Syndrome Shamus - AHHH SAW SUCKS! I mean, I want that bird so I can...TAKE IT HOME AND RAPE A DONKEY! I'm sorry I want to EAT THAT BIRD, because I'm so hungry BITE THE "S" AND FUCK THE "AW".
TXRO - What's that Shamus? Something about the SAW? Why did you bring that up? Oh that's right, only things that can be closed, fucked, raped, and well totally gay are right up your alley. They'll all be flowing in to the AIW, before anyone can realize how crappy the fed gets. Being the superstars that the AIW Wrestlers are, We'll rebound, and take them out of the AIW before they can quit and leave us in the dark. Now, who should get this bird? Well I say, that we have a wrestling match, right here in your very own trailer park! Hardcore match, anything goes, oh, and your time begins...right now!
***Sam does a stutter step to fit his name, and Shamus nails him with a stiff right hand right to the face, which opens him up right away with a bloody nose. Shamus follows it up with a steel hub-cap to the forehead of Sam, making more blood gush out. Sam finally mounts some offense, tossing Shamus through a trailer window, thus opening him up now. This is anyone's fight, as it moves right into the kitchen of the trailer they went through. The people watching this fight are shocked to find that they had went into Bubba Jay's trailer, and he has been in a terrible pisser of a mood as of late. This will add to his rage, causing a massive uprising of anger.
They both fly out of the hole in the trailer wall, which looks like a door, and land hard on their heads into a chain link fence. More gushing follows that, and eventually, Sam is knocked out with a television set, and covered by Shamus. Ricky gets down in the dirt and counts the three count, and awards Shamus the bird for his own pleasures that he intends to do with it. Shamus runs and snatches up the bird and runs into his trailer and all you can see is the trailer shaking and you can hear screams and grunts coming from inside.***
TXRO - Well, that...was...interesting, and boarderline disgusting, but that's your winner, Turrets Syndrome Shamus, the winner of the bird, and the winner of the sex toy or so it seems. It was his choice folks, the show's over, go back, smack your respective body parts and go to bed, because your boy Bubba Jay is going to have his biggest match ever when he steps into the ring with me. Rest up, and convoy your ass to Antidote, because it will be one hell of a fight, and he will need you all to have a shot at "The Xtreme One" and survive.
***Ricky walks past the crowd, and gets into his car. He speeds off, spraying all the hillbillies with mud and dust as the car zooms down out of the trailer park, towards the interstate. Ricky puls onto the highway and speeds off towards Jacksonville, Florida, where the next edition of AIW Antidote takes place this coming Thursday, August 29th, 2002. The scene cuts to a commercial about Windex teaming up with Huggies to bring you high quality AIW Wrestling week in and week out.
We see the same car, being driven by "Too Xtreme" Ricky Osbourne as it pulls into the AIW Condo, which is right near the arena, and he parks his vehicle in the spot right next to the lobby entrance, and he gets out of the car. He walks into the building, but forgot he had his hillbilly clothes on and is stopped by security. He flashes his AIW I.D. and is allowed passage to the rooms, so he can have a shower, and get into some rather decent clothes. He gets up to his room, number 119 but the numbers are backwards for some strange reason. He enters the room, using his key card to unlock the door, and walks in. He sits down for a second on his sofa, and there is a knock at the door. Ricky gets up, does a little stretch, and gingerly walks toward the door. He unlatches the latch and opens the door, to reveal an AIW Interview, and the name on his nametag, Herman Sawsucks. Ricky cringes at the sight of the first three letters in his last name, but then realizes that it's over, and done with, and never to be reborn.
Ricky invites the interviewer inside, and the two walk over into the living room, and sit down. Ricky offers him a drink. The man accepts, and then he is asked if he plays darts. The man nods his head in approval, and then is told "Then dart over there and get myself and yourself a drink from my mini bar." The man gets up and gets the two drinks and sits back down. At this time, Ricky is ready for the interview, cracks open his beer, Heineken, and lets out a large sigh of relief that he doesn't have to be in the trailer park anymore.
Herman Sawsucks - I have to ask, Ricky, what's with the clothes?
TXRO - Well, I'm getting to know my opponent for Antidote, so I figured I'd spend a day in the life of Bubba Jay, get to know his people, I made them fight over a dead bird that some guy won, and started having sex with it. I tell you, it's crazy out there in trailer park land, don't go there if you don't have to, trust me.
HS - I trust you, and believe me, I'll never go out there, too damn scary for me. Hey, I've been noticing, over the past few days, that there has been some friction between the brothers Osbourne, meaning "The Nitemare" and "The Daydreamer", Chris and Rob, your older and eldest brothers seem to be on the brink, where do you stand with all of this? Do you know any inside information?
TXRO - Well, I should be caring about this feud, but I don't want to get involved with this fight between the two of them. They've been together longer than I've known I was in the family, and I'm positive that they've foughten and made up before, but who knows? This time it could be different, Chris still has that one victory over Rob, but Rob has been winning the war. I may have to fight Chris come Thursday, to get what should be mine, the AIW World Title, and right now, that is the only thing that is keeping me going. My one chance to make a name for myself and become the very first World Champion here in AIW.
I can't forget the fact that I have to go through a fat, smelly, poor excuse for a man to get my shot at the gold, and I will destroy him come hell or high water. I can just see him now, getting back to his trailer where the fight took place, breaking his house down to a stinky piece of cardboard, and freaking out because that happened when he was trying to clean up his act. Once he gets there, he'll hear Shamus fucking that bird, and then he'll beat him up, steal the bird and come after me, but I'm ready for him, no hick should ever get past an Osbourne, especially me. I am the youngest, fastest, and craziest Osbourne to walk the face of the planet, and come Thursday, Bubba Jay Crudley will know that as well.
HS - Have you heard anything of the Canadian Shield since they lost to The All American Boys?
TXRO - Yes I have, they send their wishes to the Collins family for another tradgic loss, and they are reco-operating from their injuries, and they'll be back before you know it. They called to wish me the best of luck with my match versus hick boy, and they said that I can kick his ass on a bad day. Once i get by him, the tournament should he an awesome finish be it, Chris Osbourne vs. Ricky Osbourne, or Ricky Osbourne vs. Gabe Morrison. Come one come all, because the Osbourne Show is going to start on Thursday, and you will get your moneys worth, because I will give you something you'll never forget. Now if you don't mind, I have to have something Bubba Jay has never heard of, and ladies and gentlemen that would be, you guessed it, a shower. Now leave my room Mr. Sawsucks, and have yourself a good day.
***Herman gets up and is shown the door, and told to not let it hit him on the way out. He leaves, Ricky jumps into the shower and cleanses for a good 30 minutes to get all the filth off of his body from being out at the trailer park all day. He dries off and puts on some Osbourne inc. clothing, the new style that shall sweep across the nation, and grabs a little mirror. He walks towards the door and gets a crazy look on his face. He opens the door, and holds the mirror out into the hallway.***
TXRO - Bubba Jay, come Thursday, it is the biggest match in both of our AIW careers, it will decide how far we will go in this company, this jewel that Mz. Danky has propelled on us. The hottest place in the world today, the AIW, and the World Title Tournament. Our match Bubba Jay, it will be a slobberknocker, and real barn burner. When it's all said and done, you will be caling out three numbers, not One, Two, Three, but these three. *points to mirror*
***The camera swings around to see the mirror on a different angle, and it reveals the three numbers...9-1-1. Rickys cell phone rings after the numbers are revealed, and he answers it. Ricky gets excited, and is told that the dead bird that was won by Shamus, had been spray painted with the letters SAW on it, and there were holes in the bird from something hard, penetraiting the surface. The bird was stapled to a trailer, and on the wall also in spray paint, "The SAW Has Just Been Fucked!" as the scene fades to black, Ricky is heard laughing his ass off.***
FTB
Copyright 2002.