David Morris
Romantic Love goes against many people's natural instincts.The disputation against Romantic Love is a call for acceptance of people as they are.
For example, we have told masculine men that they are degrading, feminine men that lack "a powerfull presence." We have told masculine women to simmer down and fit the role of the princess in the tower. We have told feminine women that they are boring and need to be more sexual.
The flaws with romantic love shall now be enumerated.
the guarantee. Many times, we assume that if a person "loves us", we will get what we want. We are asked to tell people that we love them and that we will never cheat on them, never stop paying attention to them, never dump them never forget to cook supper, etc. This is not true. Feelings come and they go, and they come and go faster for different types. Thy type of Love can not guarantee anything but who wer are in the moment.
Romantic Love as metaphysics Love is a religious feeling for many. Some come up with complicated theological entites to explain it, especially in the new age movement.I know one girl who says that "love is a whirlpool" of energy. I thought it was a powerfull metaphor, but obviosly, this should be greeted with the same scepticism that other religious ideas are greeted with.
Romantic Love as something Perfect Sometimes we are said to think of love which will solve all are problems. This belief is very foolish, and needs little comment.
Romantic Love as something Black and White Love is not always real and clear inside us. The feelings are muddled, and we are asked to give a clear "yes or no" to a very complicated set of feelings.
Romantic Love as the only type of magic. This is perhaps the greatest lie of all. There are many types of love, many forms of beauty. The greater love for the Vut is much more beautifull. So is the love we can give altruistically to those who need help.
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Romantic Love as bedrock. We are said to make love the bedrock of mairrages. Its always a bad idea to put emotions as the "bedrock" of anything. Emotions are fragile and they fade away. We as a society can do better.
I am in favor of romantic love to be expressed to a partner, as long as its done when he/she knows the truth.
In a serious relationship, a person will be throwing away too much to be willing to lie, because in the end he/she may start lying to himself/herself.
Magic does not need to end when harmfull illusions are shattered. There are greater, more sophisticated paths to travel. We can share passionate affection as two swallows coming together and then flying away. The fleeting quality shall make it much more amazing and spectacular.
For less fleeting experiences, let friendship be a guide. To learn, to aid and to empathize with another person can be a much richer experience when it is not hormone induced. And it can last much longer.
For long-term nourishment of the soul, we must seek to engage ourselves in the hardwork that goes into civic, family, artistic and intellectual acheivement. This greater love, the Love of the Vut, is what shall make us whole.