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| Sunday, September 28, 2003 Dad’s biggest complaint about me would be my lack of ambition. I heard a variation of that from Dave today and I heard it from Marshall a few years ago. Marsh pointed out the vastly different outlooks we have regarding our careers; he lives to work whereas I work to live. He also bought an nice condo along with a pretty car so... I’d like to think that I’m not living without ambitions. My primary goal in life is to be happy and I’m still searching for that holy grail. There was a time when I thought being with the “one” would do it for me. So far, that was the biggest mistake of my life. I’ve tempered my expectations of my future hubby though even that wobbles as I consider life as an old maid. It’s an amusing thought really. Me with my two cats, school of fish and who knows what other animals I’ll adopt down the line. In a perfect world, I’d be spending quiet (or not so quiet) nights with the few people I consider my true friends. They’re scattered around the world so that’s not happening either. It’s so rare to find “kindred” spirits. Corporate America isn’t doing it for me either. It’s interesting at times but a single person’s role in it is so inconsequential that it’s depressing. I’d like to think that the excellence I achieve in my projects makes a difference in the world… haha! By far, my happiest memory is working with those kids down in Costa Rica. But that was for missions and I definitely do not have the stamina for religious/humanitarian causes; my cynicism invites disillusionment. Mom tells me that happiness lies in motherhood. hmm… I’ll take her word for it because I don’t plan on having kids for… oh, another five years? These introspective moments are sobering and enticing at the same time. I can’t rely on any single aspect of my life to bring me happiness. Nor is it something that will get dropped into my lap ready to be experienced. Like all good things, it’ll take tears and sweat to achieve but that’s where the beauty lies. You can’t possibly appreciate something without making sacrifices. heh. These seemingly “depressing” thoughts could be bringing me that much closer to fulfillment. |