Score: 87/100
Design - 10/10 - The font and size were good- very easy to read. I like the spiral notebook background, and the black text on the white. As long as it's legible and looks nice, I'm down with it. :)
Title - 3/5 - I think it could have been a little more creative, but it seemed to fit the story okay, so I didn't knock off too many points. First Impression - 8/10 - Not bad, though it didn't really give me an insight on what the rest of the story was going to be about. As a writer myself, I understand that opening paragraphs are tough to write. I did want to see what he was going to do about his loneliness, though. :Þ
Plot - 14/15 - Very interesting plot. I like how you used an idea for Brian & Nick and then shot it down a few chapters later. I really liked the twists.
Characters - 12/15 - I think you could have built the characters up a little more. I did like how Phylicia ended up being Christopher's sister at the beginning. I was half expecting her to be an actress or somebody famous at first because of Nick's reaction.
Development - 9/10 - Development was pretty good in all areas. The relationships between the characters could have been a little stronger, but other than that, very good.
Emotion - 7/10 - I wasn't really feeling the emotions. The places in the story when Brian was thinking about Maile and crying over her didn't really affect me... I think you could have built that up just a little more.
Originality - 5/5 - I thought it was pretty original. I like how you flipped the whole "using the celebrity" situation.
Grammer/Spelling - 9/10 - There were a few spelling errors and a couple grammar mistakes, but nothing that seriously took my attention away from the plot.
The After Effect - 3/5 - The last chapter made me smile, but as soon as I closed the page it was over, you know?
Bonus - 2/5 - I really liked how Christopher acted towards Brian at the beginning (hard-asses get me everytime, lol), so I think that deserved a few extra points. :)
Overall/Suggestions - I liked the the story. I think it is a good story for a rainy day, and I'll probably read it again in the future. I like your writing style, it's unique and flowing. I suggest you keep writing-- you can only get better, you know? :)
Points - 87/100