Reviewer: Sarah
Design - 9/10 - I liked the notebook style you had for the story. As it was a short story, you really didn't need a layout, or major graphics and you clued in on that in a simple way. I don't normally like Times New for fiction on the internet, but you had it at a good size so I was able to read without any difficulty.
Title - 4/5 - I liked the play on Christina's song, 'Dirrty'. It gave me a pretty good idea of what the story would be about, just because it made me think of her music video.
First Impression - 7/10 - I thought the part with Justin was slightly unnecessary as it didn't really bring me right into the action. But your style of writing drew me in, so I wasn't overly bothered by it by the end of the scene.
Plot - 12/15 - It wasn't your typical visual, meaning it didn't go straight into the sex scene which gave it some substance. The way you moved things along and the way you wrote it, really interested me and I enjoyed reading the story. I thought the way you wrote the sex scene was really good, you weren't crude and you stayed away from strong, adult words and there weren't too many cliches which you sometimes find in a story like this. Overall, good plot.
Characters - 10/15 - This is a tough one as it was a short story. Christina's character was rather typical, you wrote her how I would imagine her being in private - very kinky, etc. You did give her several emotions to play with which helped round her off rather nicely. Brian's character was a little unbelievable for me, which is a shame because I like reading him without all the cliches of him being perfect. Maybe as it was a short story, you couldn't develop this new personality of Brian's enough to make it believable, but nevertheless you did write his character well in a short space of text.
Development - 8/10 - The plot flowed really nicely together, and like I said, Christina's character was developed well. As above, Brian's character could have been focused on a bit more. But overall it was good.
Emotion - 7/10 - You made me giggle at some things, whether I was giggling at the right parts remains unknown. When you wrote about Brian talking of Leighanne, it made me think whether something wasn't right in their marriage and that maybe this was why Brian would cheat on her. I know there's a sequel so hopefully this will be answered for me.
Originality - 5/5 - I've never read a story with Brian and Christina in before, so you got points for that. Also, people tend to stray away from writing Brian in visuals, so you got some points for that as well. :)
Grammer/Spelling - 10/10 - I couldn't see any mistakes while reading, so congrats!
The After Effect - 4/5 - I gave it some thought, there's a lot of things you could do with a plot like this so I'm glad there's a sequel.
Bonus - 3/5 - You get bonus points, purely because you wrote a story with my two favourite singers, Brian and Christina!
Overall/Suggestions - There really isn't any suggestions I could say more than what I already have. I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with the plot in future stories, and I'm hoping that the questions I have in my head such as 'what happens next?', 'will Leighanne find out?' etc will be answered.
Points - 84/100
Story: Hidden Underneath The Sheets
Reviewer: Sarah
Score: 89/100
Design - 9/10 - Like I said in the last review, you kept the design simple and I really liked it.
Title - 4/5 - Interesting title, made me think they would perhaps get caught out with one of them under the sheets, lol.
First Impression - 10/10 - So the wife found out?! And Brian is being a naughty boy, I like it!
Plot - 8/15 - The plot was pretty much the same as the first one, but it was nicely developed in terms of what the consequences of their affair was making.
Characters - 8/15 - "I’ve been good my whole life." - Brian. That qoute stood out to me. You have developed Brian's character well from the first story which was really great. The only thing that bugged me (and always bugs me in visual/slash etc) is that after the male character has reached orgasm, he goes at it again. It makes it really unbelievable as unless the dude is superman, it would be very difficult to reach another erection that quickly.
Development - 8/10 - Like I said above, I thought Brian's character was well developed this time. However, I felt that Christina's character slowed down personality-wise, like Brian's did in the first story, but I felt you zoned in on the emotion side to her this time which I liked.
Emotion - 10/10 - I could really feel for both the characters this time around. I could sense that Brian was going through some sort of life or married crisis and that he just wanted to act out and be a rebel. I could feel Christina wanting to just have fun and not have any commitments, those elements I really enjoyed reading. Toward the end, you showed that even if you want to just have a bit of no strings attached fun, you can sometimes get in too deep and that's what I think has happened with the two characters.
Originality - 2/5 - This one kind of lacked some originality due to the sex scene and that you used some cliched writing methods, but other than that, still original.
Grammer/Spelling - 10/10 - Again, I saw no mistakes. Well done!
The After Effect - 4/5 - This time I was drawn to the emotion and I did think about what might happen to the two characters after this second night of passion.
Bonus - 1/5 - This one got me really curious so I gave you a point.
Overall/Suggestions - The only let down in this story was the sex scene and the cliched and unrealistic way it happened. Other than that, I thought the story was really good.
Points - 89/100
Story: Prey In Your Bed
Reviewer: Sarah
Score: 87/100
Design - 9/10 - Again see the reviews for the last 2 stories in this series. All looking good.
Title - 4/5 - Interesting title. Didn't give too much away, and also let my imagination run with the possibilities.
First Impression - 9/10 - I'm really enjoying this story. I like the characters, I like the build up to the sex. You started off with Brian feeling rather tense, and you're keeping that theme throughout which gives it a good build up.
Plot - 15/15 - Out of the three, I think I enjoyed this story the most. There was emotion and there were consequences and I liked that.
Characters - 11/15 - Top marks for Brian and Christina's characters. You really developed them well from the first story. Leighanne's character was a bit flat though, I couldn't really connect with her at all.
Development - 9/10 - Like I said, Brian and Christina were nicely developed. The plot I liked too, and how you developed their one night stand into how much they felt about each other.
Emotion - 9/10 - This story wasn't totally driven on Brian and Christina meeting up and having sex, this time it seemed more loving, and as though they really did care about each other, which made this story a lot better than the other 2. I only took a point off because when Leighanne caught them, I couldn't really feel much for her purely because there was no back story for her character and I didn't know what had led Brian to do this to his wife.
Originality - 2/5 - The wife catching the husband (or vice versa) has been done many times before, but you still get points for the overall plot of the 3 stories.
Grammer/Spelling - 10/10 - I couldn't spot any mistakes, well done!
The After Effect - 3/5 - I was left with a lot of unanswered questions, so that got me thinking for a while.
Bonus - 1/5 - I'm giving you a point just because I thought you rounded off the trilogy really well.
Overall/Suggestions - I really enjoyed reading this story. Its rare to find a good visual that has some sort of back story to it. I too, enjoyed your writing style and the way you developed the plot. My only critism was that I was wondering all throughout the story why Brian would have an affair. What went so wrong in his marriage that he felt tempted to do this to his wife?
Points - 87/100