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THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979)
See, the 70's weren't THAT great. A huge, huge hit in 1979, The Amityville Horror has spawned six or seven sequels and a remake now, which is a hell of a lot of mileage to squeeze out of such a boring-ass movie. How to explain such success, such a place in pop mythology for a two-hour movie in which so little happens? Was it those classy gold-crackle mirrors? No, that can't be it. The public gobbled up its claims to basis in a true story (because it, up to a point, had some validity), and there's no denying the perfect, iconic malevolence of that house, with those quarter-moon windows always peering down and inward. True story, hmm? Riiight...here's what is true: on November 13 1974, the oldest (I think) son in the house went postal and shot up his family, and later claimed voices told him to do it. The next year, George Lutz and his stepfamily moved in, lasted about a month, and bolted. What happened? The book on which this movie is based was a huge monster hit before the movie, but I haven't read it and lose more interest in every time it's debunked as a hoax (or admitted as such by one of its perpetrators). This movie doesn't make me any more curious. Which you'd think it would, since it tells me so damnably little. George (here played by James Brolin) has a new wife (Margot Kidder...who knew she was ever this cute? She even shows up in a full-on Catholic schoolgirl outfit at one point!) and three young stepkids in tow. What happened to the kids' father? No idea. George makes reference to setting up an office...what does he do? We find out about halfway through the movie. The wife arranges to have the house blessed by a priest; how does George, who held that crucifix like it was made of rotten meat, feel about that? Unknown. I don't necessarily need a lot of vivid characterization in horror movies, but if it all centers on a family, it can't hurt for the viewer to get to know them a little. Anyway, they move into the house with the spooky past, knowing full well why they're getting such a good deal, and things start getting weird. Priests, nuns, and hippies freak out at the sight of the house. Toilets overflow with black slime, the daughter adopts an "imaginary" friend, and increasingly surly George starts spending a lot of time chopping wood and sharpening that axe, uh-oh. (yes, there's a scene where psycho dad tries axing his way through a locked door. Familiar?) There really isn't much to the story beyond that; surprisingly little that matters happens over the course of two hours here. What does happen tends to be go-nowhere plot elements like a priest going blind, a curious police sergeant (who lights up a huge cigar BEFORE going into the house...asshole), relentless phone connection problems, missing money, George's resemblance to the original killer, a car careening out of control while the hood pops up, a hidden room under the stairs, a babysitter that gets locked in the closet and freaks out (over what?) and this "demon" in the window which I had to watch three times and I still don't know if it's supposed to be a dog, a pig, or a deer. The Amityville Horror works at its marginal best with George's escalating loopiness (disappointingly culminating in violence against a mere door), and what may or not may just be in his imagination. Elsewhere, nothing adds up to anything, and when the family flees the house at the end, they leave behind more than their possessions - they leave behind a mountain of haunted-house clichés that don't have anything to do with each other, aren't built up to and don't pay off. Little attempt is made to explain the evil of the house - the hippie brings up a brief bit about an Indian burial ground or something, but like her use of the old saw that energy can't be created or destroyed, it's not illuminating. Most gratuitous False Scare By Cat, ever. The cat never even shows up anywhere else in the movie! Whose cat is that, anyway? (c) Brian J. Wright 2006 BACK TO THE A's BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE |