BEYOND RE-ANIMATOR (2003) Disappointing, after such a wait This movie had been rumoured and hoped for by fans for about as long as I can remember, and when it arrived, I didn't even know about it until several months later. The title promises a re-invention, or at least evolution, of the Re-Animator concept, but you won't find any such thing here. The setting (in a prison) is promising, but the movie itself could use a shot of green goo. It all begins with a prologue set thirteen years in a the past, where two kids camping in the back yard discuss scary goings-on while their sexy older sister gets a glass of milk. Just when you think you can't hack any more tedium (she's not THAT sexy), a zombie without a jaw shambles in, kills the sister, and turns out only to have wanted some milk. I don't know if that was supposed to be a gag or not, but I thought it was pretty funny. Good effects on that zombie too. Of course only one man could be hauled away by the police for this mess - I don't know exactly what Herbert West was charged with (necromancy?), but he's still in this prison up to the present day. Jeffrey Coombs plays West, the only returning actor from the first two movies. It's nice to see him again in a role that isn't on bloody Deep Space Nine or worse, Enterprise. One of those kids grows up to become a doctor, requests a post at this prison, and demands to have West as his assistant because he wants to continue his work. He has one of those "Clear! Clear! GODDAMMIT!" moments on his first day, so you know his employment there is going to be rough. West is glad to see some of his reagent again (confined to a cell, the best experiments he can do are those "21 grams" experiments, but on rats). Semi-death and destruction follow. Beyond Re-Animator's first half is deadly dull, broken up by the mildly amusing transparency of it being filmed in Spain (everybody employed by and in residence at this prison is a Spaniard, and everybody on the outside drives tiny little Euro cars). There's a sexy reporter and a sexy nurse, both unconcerned about how sexy they dress in a PRISON (underwear is clearly visible under the nurse's uniform). This being a Re-Animator movie, you know those two are going to have a lousy time. As lousy as the warden who personally administers da beats to ill-behaved prisoners, at one point makes the reporter bark like a dog, and loves his electric chair so much you just know he's going to end up in it? West's climactic indulgences here, seen through the warden's eyes, must be pretty cool to watch...if you're high. I was not. The second half of Beyond Re-Animator is a little more lively, as the prison riots with gruesome results all around. The splatter is pretty prominent, and the effects are mostly very good (especially the guy who doesn't let being torn in half hold him back) but not all of them work, especially the dumb, jokey moment where one prisoner explodes but can't die because of the reagent. A prison riot is just about the most terrifying situation I can imagine being stuck in; you might think such a bloody movie would have a hard time turning it silly, but you'd be wrong. Directed by Brian Yuzna, who also did the second movie of which I don't remember much (except for a perversely cute fingers-and-eyeball creature), but I remember mostly liking it. Beyond Re-Animator does pull off a bit of the sick sexual predation from the original movie and has some good gore effects, but there's barely anything else here and the first half is almost unbearable. The DVD comes with a hilariously 80's-style pop video for a dance song called "Move Your Dead Bones" by some unnamed culprit. For sheer disbelieving entertainment, it beats anything the movie itself has got. BACK TO THE B's BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE