THE CELLAR
I really hate that kid.
It ain't awful, but it's not a good sign when the best part of your movie is the spoken-word intro.
This one stars Patrick Kilpatrick (this can't be his real name), sporting more hair than I've ever seen him with, as a father of two moving in to a desert homestead with his family. He's usually cast as a simple beefcake; it's nice to see him at least trying to expand his meager range, playing a so-so father. Anyway, his stupid son (incredibly annoying, too) pulls an Indian spear out of the ground, and that awakens an ancient evil in the cellar.
So basically, it's more or less a standard Indian-spirits-get-revenge-against-Whitey movie, a very tiny bit of directorial flair from Kevin S. Tenney, who gave us the Witchboard movies. Man, these movies never have those Indian spirits thinkin' big - they're always taking revenge against white people everywhere by attacking one family. Just no sense of scope.
Just what's in the cellar is a disappointment - it's supposed to be cobbled together from the most dangerous parts of the most dangerous creatures, but it's basically a slow, klutzy, scaly rat.
It's just slow and plodding and cheesy and lame. And frankly, the father-son bonding moments are embarrassing to behold. Move along, go see something else. But if you have to watch this one, watch for Lou "Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2" Perry as an obnoxious ass. He's almost as irritating as the kid.