Perhaps not quite as pathetic as KIRSTIE Alley
Despite having its remote genesis in a story by a damn good sci-fi author (Roger Zelazny), Damnation Alley is by-the-numbers post-apocalypse fluff (never mind that it came before most of the others) that's interesting to look at for its cool, psychedelic "sky" effects but reeks of old cheese almost everywhere else.
Jan-Michael Vincent stars, long before he had his lip chewed off by an angry pooch, as a low-level military guy who resigns at a fairly understandable time: right after the US is bombed into the stone age. George Peppard plays his former CO, and Paul Winfield, a fellow deserter. The scene where the military guys all look on uselessly as those streaks on a screen representing Soviet missiles slowly chug towards the US is tense, though of course it's been done a zillion times in exactly that way (Def Con 4, despite the fact that it was an even worse movie overall, did this way better and with a LOT less cheesy stock footage). The three pack off in a souped-up RV called the Landmaster (it looks like a skink on wheels) and brave cockroaches, scorpions the size of St. Bernards, and rednecks in the wasteland, their destination: the mythical city of Albany!
The poor Earth has been knocked off its axis by the bombardment, and as a result, the weather has gotten pretty wacky, with random tornadoes attacking in gangs, and the sky is surreal stuff, with pretty neon colors and sped-up clouds. Peppard mentions that the earth may just knock itself back onto its proper axis one day without any help, and by gum that's what happens. At least it doesn't happen at a time so perfect that it resolves a hostage situation, or something.
I mean...Jan-Michael Vincent. If this movie didn't suck, it'd be breaking an iron-clad law of filmmaking (well, Xtro II wasn't too bad). I like seeing people get chewed up by armor-plated cockroaches as much as the next guy (especially when Peppard announces just what is happening in a hilariously obvious choice of words), but the movie definitely needs more than that. The giant scorpions are a nice touch but you can tell just by the way they're visually achieved that nothing's going to be done with them other than having them skitter around and look menacing.
Directed (barely) by Jack Smight.
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