IDLE HANDS
Hilarious, yet somehow, unmemorable
Easily the most gross and disgusting of the teen horror flicks we've seen since 1996, Idle Hands is like cinematic chinese food - I enjoyed myself thoroughly while I was in the theater, laughing or giggling almost nonstop, but after it was over I could scarcely remember what was so funny. Maybe this'll make it seem still fresh on the second viewing, I dunno.
It's like a cross between Evil Dead 2 and The Big Lebowski for the teen set, and it all could have come across as a really terrible Saturday Night Live skit; but somehow, director Rodman Flender keeps things moving quickly enough that even the lame jokes are kind of funny. This amazes me to no end; I've never seen Flender's work as a director before, but he is responsible for writing the worst movie I've ever seen, Dracula Rising.
Devon Sawa stars as Anton, a pot-loving, impossibly lazy teenager who goes way beyond levels of conventional slackness, well into Homer Simpson territory. His parents have been killed by some malevolent entity, but he doesn't even notice for about three days, when it becomes clear that HE must have done it (in a state of fugue, I can only assume) ' or, more correctly, his right hand. See, his right hand is possessed by some malevolent entity that takes hold of the most pathetically lazy and slack being it can get its claws into. And it sure likes the killin'.
Idle Hands features probably the most enjoyable cast of any movie of this kind since Scream, even if the movie isn't as memorable as, say, The Faculty, or even Bride Of Chucky. Seth Green and Elden Ratliff play friends of Anton who stick by his side even though they were killed by him ("We were staring down this big tunnel of white light...we were like, forget that, man. It's too far."). Green plays most of the film with a beer bottle sticking out of his head, and Ratliff carries his severed head around in his hands (making for some rather revolting attempts to eat). (really, these severed-head jokes just never get old) Jack Noseworthy is a hoot as a metalhead straight out of 1983, with a Quiet Riot muscle shirt and Motley Crue's "Shout At The Devil" blasting from his truck pretty much all the time. And Anton's love interest ' I mean, Jesus, I feel dirty. Sporting easily enough sultriness (and revealing outfits) to arouse the crustiest old codger, and just enough girlishness to make him feel bad about it, 17-year-old Jessica Alba almost had me screaming to turn myself in to the police for the thoughts I was having. Then I reconsidered, and put those thoughts to better use. (no comments about my own "idle" hands, please)
Vivica A. Fox is here as some sort of druid hunting this evil force, but all she's good for is providing the film's resolution. But it's Sawa who makes this show, turning in an extraordinarily energetic performance that reaches almost Campbell-esque proportions, almost. He's also fairly sympathetic; sure, he's a pathetic lazy twit, but you just can't NOT cheer for somebody that pathetic who actually has a shot at scoring with a fox like Alba, and doesn't even have to feel bad about it because he's the same age as her.
Beatle-raping rock band The Offspring shows up near the end, which is bad, but sinus-piercing singer Dexter Holland does get the top of his head peeled off like a grapefruit, which is good.
The ending combines complete lameness with an acknowledgement of just that; it involves a magic dagger, which is so, so dumb, but Seth Green provides some laughs by MST3K'ing the movie from within. Actually, there's a lot of dumb shit here - this town must not have very high standards for its police department if two guys fresh out of high school not only get signed on to the PD but get partnered with each other. (and why would they possibly care if some freshmen didn't invite them to a party of theirs when they were senoirs?) A map of crime scenes has its points connected with a red marker, and the result is exactly what you think. And what's with that sock puppet? I mean, I'd have to be stoned to find that one funny (note to self: watch stoned next time).
Would I recommend it? Sure. It might not be memorable, but it is fun and amusing, easily good enough for a dollar-theater viewing; good enough for a matinee, if you want to travel back in time just so you can pay more money. It got released at a REALLY bad time, right after that Colorado high school massacre; not many people were in the mood to see teens get killed around then, and it may have done better if it were released another time. Don't take a date, though, unless you're trying to get rid of her.