THE INTRUDER WITHIN
Unbelievably bad dialogue
I'm gonna spice up this review with snippets of dialogue from the film. It's really something. As much as your sanity might depend on your continued belief that dialogue like this could never find its way into a finished production, you really have to hear these lines.
"This ain't an oil rig, it's a floating graveyard!"
Basically, it's a ninth-rate Alien ripoff, set on an oil rig instead of a starship. Oil drillers bring up a bunch of spiny golf balls (and an eel, which kills some guy who used to be on "Ellen"). People who prick themselves on them go insane and kill themselves, and then one hatches and attacks a guy, who goes insane and rapes a chick (with her clothes on, somehow) who gives birth to (turns into? I can't tell.) the beast that we see on the cover of the box.
"I'm tired. Damn tired! Tired of losing my crew!"
Yup, that's everything in the movie up until the last five minutes. It's five minutes before the conclusion when said beast (which admittedly, is kind of cool) finally shows up. I have to wonder who determines which TV movies get a home video release and which don't (why don't we ever see a box for Runaway Car, huh?).
"Evolution had buried these creatures. I should have left them alone!"
The cast largely embarrasses themselves with this flick. Sam Bottoms wears a cozy on his hard hat and delivers most of the film's really awful lines. Chad Everett plays a scientist sent by the company to the rig for reasons unknown (yeah, right).And the chick from the "War Of The Worlds" TV series is here too, albeit younger and cuter. Direction is pedestrian, production values are okay (all things considered), and the writing, well, you get the idea.
(snipped mention of how these creatures had hibernated for 14 million years) "...it lies dormant for centuries!" (might this be the greatest understatement in the history of cinema?)
The only real reason to see this one is to see the monster, and even then, he's shown on the cover of the box, so what's the point?
I've saved the best worst line for last, because it comes from Bottoms, who plays the captain of the rig. I mean, I could think on this all night and not come up with anything that sounds more like it came from Captain Highliner.
"It's never easy, you know. Watching somebody......slip beneath the surface forever."
I hope that real-life oil rig captains talk just like this. I really do.