MIDNIGHT KISS
More predictable than the alphabet
A beautiful young woman, recently bitten by a vampire, gets up in the middle of the night and goes to the fridge. She gets a glass, opens the fridge, and takes out a carton of milk. And then...
That's right. It's exactly what you think happens. (If you really have no idea, swipe here, but you'll feel like a damn fool)
Blood pours out of the milk carton, and she wakes up. Big surprise.
Anyway, I thought I was going to like this one more than I did - the first five minutes has a ripped-off face, an exploding head, and dialogue that I couldn't believe was being presented as serious ("These hands are lethal weapons!"). I thought I was in for a real hoot. Alas, I wasn't.
There's a serial killer out there, and all his victims are drained of blood and have two puncture marks in their necks. You're probably thinking what I was - this is obviously the work of a mummy. Well, no dice, Simpsons fans - there's a vampire out there, and you can tell he's evil because he calls all women "bitch".
There's not much going for this one - it has a hilarious scene where the vampire laughs hysterically while reading the Bible, and there's some degree of surprise when a vampire is killed by a stake through the neck, but really, it's just too predictable and, occasionally, annoying (like when the vampire is woken up at dusk by an alarm clock, which just keeps buzzing for about two minutes).
Cheesy, cheesy, cheesy. Could've been worse, but not by much. At least the lead actress was pretty hot.