MIRROR, MIRROR 2: RAVEN DANCE
Features THE WORST LINE IN CINEMATIC HISTORY
Oh, my God. I mean, oh my God! This movie actually contains the line "If feeling this good is wrong, I'm as guilty as sin".
That pesky mirror's back (Jesus, that's almost as silly an idea as that Amityville movie with the haunted clock) in a needless sequel I only rented to see if Tracy Wells, aka the chick from "Mr. Belvedere", got naked. She did not. Color me disappointed.
Instead of doffing her duds like I'd hoped and prayed, Ms. Wells plays a ballerina who verbalizes every single thought, no matter how inane. She's being gaslighted by her sister (Sally Kellerman, who's gotta be thiry years older than Wells) and a sinister doctor, played by Roddy McDowell, the only person in this flick to fail to embarrass himself. William Sanderson returns for the sequel, playing a different role, for some reason. There's also some guy named Christian (jeez, you could almost hear people off-camera shouting out "Irony! I got irony here!") who tries acting seductively sinister.
You know those scenes where somebody sees something horrible, convinces her friends to come see and by the time they get there, it's gone and nobody believes her? Well, this chick takes SO LONG to convince people to come look at the spiders in her room, that by the time they get there, those spiders could have died, dried up, and blown away. Or at least have walked to Disneyworld and back. Did she really expect them to stay? And lemme ask you this - if you were to try to break a mirror, would you use a cushioned object? Well, maybe you would, but would you use the side with the cushion?
Veronica Cartwright's along for the ride too, and for a little while, it looks like it might be the first role EVER in which she doesn't spend half the time sobbing. Soon, this misperception is corrected. The ending rips off not only its predecessor, but the one lonely effective moment from Legend.
Finally, one last bitch about the title. The box says Mirror Mirror 2. The opening credits say Raven Dance. The end credits say RAVEN DANCE, a story from the tales of "Mirror Mirror". God help us. Features an incomprehensible "credit cookie" after the last credits have rolled. Robed people talking over candles. Huh?
One good thing I can say about this one - there's a cool little scene where Wells' apparently autistic brother is talking to the demon in the mirror. Nobody (not even the audience) can hear the demon but the kid, so as the kid talks back, Wells responds to him and carries on her own conversation, thinking everything he says is directed at her (and of course, the conversation makes sense on this level too). It was pretty cool.
But man, did the rest of it suck! And man, did she ever keep her clothes on!