THE OFFSPRING
No, NO, not the band, NOT THE BAND!
No, I'm not talking about the lame-ass band that brought us "Self Esteem". This is the anthology film starring Vincent Price in the wraparound material. He's not in any of the vignettes, though. Which is kind of a shame, he would've livened 'em up a bit.
Overall, this one isn't bad, but not very good either. The wraparound stuff is the most strangely satisfying - there's something about a line like "In Oldfield, history is written in blood, on pages of human skin!" which makes me laugh at its awfulness, and yet seriously wonder if Price is gonna whip out this big book made of...
The first story is lame - obviously, once watched, the source of the film's title. An old guy, who takes care of his senile sister, pursues a romance with a woman at work. And he won't take no for an answer. Actually, he won't even take "Fuck you, I'm dead, I'm in my coffin now just leave me alone" as an answer.
The second story is probably the best, with Terry Kiser on the run from creditors. He hooks up with a backwoods hermit with the secret to longevity, and needless to say, has ideas of his own. A few really nasty moments in this one, especially the ending. Yikes!
The third is unintentionally goofy, and didn't go where I kind of wish it would. A circus glass-eater tries to romance a girl from the outside. His boss, who appears to be a voodoo priestess or something, doesn't think this is a good idea. This one's okay, and features Master (of MasterBlaster) from Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome!
The last story is kind of similar. Some Civil War soldiers, only recently having discovered that the war's over, are taken captive by a household of orphaned children from the other side. They play nasty games like "pin the arm on the dismembered corpse" and use the corpses of grownups for organ transplants.
Like I said, middling stuff, but worth watching for Price and that one with Terry Kiser.