Dim, in both senses of the word
The Relic seems to be one of those love-it-or-hate-it movies about which I always seem to be sitting on the fence. I think what we have here is one a movie that, but for three big problems, would have been scary as hell and might today be enjoying a pretty vaunted status among horror fans. As it is, it's a frustrating treat for the eyes, but little more.
Penelope Anne Miller stars as Dr. Margo Green, an evolutionary biologist at the Chicago Natural History Museum (no such thing, I imagine; this was filmed at the Field Museum), and Tom Sizemore is here too as a cop investigating some deaths there and outside the museum. Nasty deaths, too; heads knocked off and some glands sucked out, yum. Is it a psycho, or is there some scary monster running amok in the big museum? I'll give you one hint: Stan Winston probably wouldn't be involved if it were a psycho.
Hyams does a great job setting up a doom-choked mood; acting as his own cinematographer, he gives the film a dark and dusty look which is appropriate to being set in a museum. I'd have preferred a little more light so that we could see a little more of the museum and what makes it such a wonderfully creepy setting for a horror film, but still, it works, and besides, seeing this on VHS, maybe I should be giving this movie the benefit of the doubt when things are, I trust, a little clearer on DVD or the big screen. Unfortunately, problem one, he's got this incredibly annoying habit of framing closeups waaaaay too close. I don't know if the version on video is pan-n-scanned or simply unmatted, so I don't know if it would have looked better, or worse, on the big screen. But these closeups happen a LOT, and they're ALL annoying.
Stan Winston's creature, the Kothoga, is just awesome. At the time of this film's release, he said frequently that this was the best creature he'd yet created, and lemme tell you, it's pretty damn cool. It's kinda hard to describe, like a cross between a lion and a beetle, but it's big, it's nasty, and it's exceptionally well realized with animatronics and CGI (unusually good CGI for a creature that's hairy; hairy animals are much more difficult to create with computers than scaly ones). What more can I say - the Kothoga rules. This movie's almost worth a rental just for one incredible shot of the Kothoga chasing down one unlucky bastard, grabbing him, and ripping off his head, all in one flawless shot.
Sad to say, the story surrounding this monster is dopey as hell, courtesy of four screenwriters. The central problem (#2) with the story is the character of Dr. Green, who has to be one of the most irritating big-screen heroines I've seen in my lifetime. On top of throwing a hissy fit every time she sees something unpleasant or has something not go her way, she just doesn't act like a scientist. You've got to see her reaction when she finds out that somebody else is applying for the grant she's counting on. I mean, does she have a contractual lock on this grant? Can't she apply for other grants? Can't she just actually make an EFFORT to secure this grant, instead of taking it for (ahem) granted? I mean, fuck, you idiot, that's how grants work. And Miller performs her with this appalling mix of snotty condescension and general knowitall-ness; it must have taken superhuman effort on her part not to use a British accent.
The story itself, problem #3, is no great shakes other, with the obligatory False Scare By Cat happening no more than ten minutes in, followed up later on by a False Scare By Cleaning Lady. Its treatment of nonwhites is rather curious; the Asian guy is made out to be a jackass for applying for that grant (though if you're anything like me, you were hoping he'd get it) and gets the expected comeuppance. The black security guard gets to also be The Guy Who Does Drugs And Then Gets Killed, with the camera making a slow zoom into that half-smoked joint after his death as if Hyams is telling us "BEHOLD!!! THE DANGERS OF ILLICIT DRUG USE!!!" And then there's the black cop, who does nothing wrong but is of course the first guy in his group to be killed. Everybody else in this movie is white, with maybe one or two of them intended to be less than noble, if we don't count Dr. Green. Whazzupwitdat? I hate drawing the race card unless it's really called for, but it's hard to ignore here.
The explanation behind where the Kothoga came from is, to say the least, far-fetched, but serves its purpose for the kind of movie it's in. More far-fetched yet is the place where Dr. Green hides from it at the movie's climax, a chamber which is designed to basically dissolve flesh off of the bone. Needless to say, she comes out all right (and fully clothed!). Huh? And what's with that coroner who asks her assistant for confirmation about what is, to say the least, a pretty well-established fact?
The Relic was based on the novel of the same title by Douglas Preston & Lincoln Child, and while the basics are mostly in place, a lot is mysteriously changed around. For one thing, the book took place in New York; why the setting was changed, I don't know. And the movie omitted the single coolest thing about the book: the character of Pendergast, the FBI agent. He was just so cool! And he's not here, what a rip. Not to let the guy disappear without a fight, Preston and Child wrote a sequel called Reliquary, which featured him prominently, not to mention mole people. (all right! Mole people!)
I dunno; there's a lot going for this movie, but it needed a lot more work in the creative department before being shot, not to mention Hyams needing a good, stern lecture about his use of closeups. Recommended to monster-movie enthusiasts, but most others won't get a lot out of this one.
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