REVENGE OF THE DEAD
It's the "Howling 7" of zombie flicks
This movie oughtta come with a sticker that says WARNING: MAY CAUSE VIEWER TO SERIOUSLY CONTEMPLATE THROWING WHATEVER?S IN REACH AT THE TV. Yes folks, it's that bad. I considered tossing it in with the other sixteen bottomscrapers in the barrel, but the first ten minutes or so are reasonably cool.
Yeah, it's probably sucked a lot of people in like it did me. It has some pretty cool box art - and the poster shown at the IMDb is even cooler. It's an Italian zombie movie, and Italian zombie movies tend to deliver the gore goods even when they offer nothing else. So the first impression is that you might have a good time at this one. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt.
Okay, here's why I call it the Howling 7 of zombie movies. Here I am with a stopwatch, and I'm gonna time exactly how much zombie action is in this movie. Here goes...done. 87 seconds. Now, three of those seconds is just hands poking out of a wall. I should hope that that doesn't really count. Ten of those seconds is just a handicammed image of a very fresh corpse opening its eyes and laughing. Gimme a break! Nix those ten seconds. Three more seconds is of that same corpse climbing out of its grave and...doing nothing hostile at all. Buh-bye. And the very last minute is composed of one zombie walking. Walking! And hugging. Walking and hugging. This is not what I'd call good zombie action.
That leaves us with ONE SECOND of zombie action in this movie, and it's about a minute into the film. The rest of the film - all 100 minutes of it - consists of people talking. A LOT. And none of them say anything interesting. Like I said, the movie began well, but its slide into terminal crapitude became evident when this professor explains just what a K-zone is. The camera just goes back and forth between the prof (who never seems to take a breath) and the increasingly bored man who serves as his audience.
You might be wondering what a K-zone is right now, since I haven't described the (oh, for chrissakes) plot. I shan't bother. Better yet, here's the fuckin' plot - people stand around and talk.
Avoid or risk damaging your TV.