SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK...AGAIN
Wow. Could they possibly have thought of a worse title?
Yes, they could have, and they did. It's the sequel to this one, saddled with the thankless title of Sometimes They Come Back...For More.
I don't know what would possess anyone to greenlight a sequel to an obscure TV movie based on a relatively obscure story by an author who's had by my count no less than thirteen of his short stories filmed. Well, maybe twelve if you agree that The Lawnmower Man should've had King's name removed, and maybe fourteen if you think that King should sue Joe Dante for Small Soldiers' shameless "Battleground"-theft. Films that damn near everybody hated for the most part, I might add (although The Night Flier was great). But I'd heard good things about this one, so here I am...
The Next Karate Kid herself, Hilary Swank (who's gonna be a porn star in no time flat with a name like that), stars as a teenage girl who visits (along with her dad) her recently deceased grandma's house, just in time for the ghost of the guy responsible for her aunt's death to pay a visit to her and her dad. Have I lost you yet? Never mind.
Anyway, this ghost is basically an evil Fonzie, played by the guy who played Marilyn Manson in Bride of Chucky (sure, he wasn't supposed to be REALLY Marilyn Manson, just like the villains in Disturbing Behavior weren't REALLY supposed to be Mormons and BlackJack isn't REALLY gay. You just keep telling yourself that.). So basically, the plot is pretty much the same thing as the first one,with a different cast. Not that I remember much of the first one - I remember some young punks keying somebody's car, and for some reason, shoes come to mind. If you liked the first one but wished it had a different cast (who was in the first one?), then yes, by all means, see it now.
The villain's one-liners are so jaw-droppingly bad that they actually become pretty funny - like the much-dreaded Batman & Robin, its sheer unfunniness becomes hilarious when you view it as if it was a movie made for an audience in the Simpsons universe, like McBain 4: Fatal Discharge. Roger Ebert keeps inventing these new cinema terms (which almost nobodyelse uses), but I don't think he's coined one for any normally mundane object that, upon its first appearance onscreen, the audience just knows is gonna be used for something bad. The term I propose: The Inconspiculator!
There's a Tarot card scene, and just when you think it's going to take the novel step of actually not having an "OOOOOOOOOH, the DEATH CARD!" moment, it does. And then there's another Tarot card scene, where a chick is attacked by the Tarot cards. Curiously, the Death card doesn't get the killing blow.I'll bet that honor went to something like The Happy Fluffy Bunny Rabbit card.
I dunno, guys, there's enough weird, goofy shit going on here to keep me amused for 97 minutes (my favorite: when Forrest Gump - yeah, you keep telling yourself it's not THE Forrest Gump - is run over by his own lawnmower), but I'd hardly say you should put this on your must-see list. Watch drunk.