STAR WARS, EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES (2002) "Yoda, let's fight!" "Fightin' words them is!" Wow, check out that title! Star Wars, Episode II: Attack Of The Clones. That's like three titles in one! One of them's already taken, one of them is so cheesy it sounds like a Power Rangers instalment. And the third is "Episode II". Okay, so The Empire Strikes Back was a cheesy title too, one that most people seem willing to overlook because the movie itself was so cool. The Phantom Menace seemed like a cheesy title at first, but after seeing the film considering the many ways the title could be interpreted as referring to, I think it's actually a pretty neat title. This? I don't think there's any way around this title's badness. I went into this movie with more blunted expectations than I went into The Phantom Menace with, partly because I'm three years older and crustier, partly because I was admittedly a little disheartened by the middling reception this movie's had from mainstream critics who are usually pretty easy to please about this sort of thing. I came out with, admittedly, a fairly underwhelmed group of friends. Myself? I'm pretty pleased. It is obvious to those who know me (and those who read enough of these reviews) that my interest in this series is not casual; I'm a fan, and I hold Star Wars movies to a rather different standard than, say, the Star Trek movies, or summer blockbusters in general; not necessarily a lower one, but a more forgiving one, as long as they continue to do enough right to honestly click with me. At any rate, I'm harder to please than I was three years ago. As was the case with The Phantom Menace and Return Of The Jedi, the problems are numerous and often obtrusive; but click with me it does, sometimes nicely, sometimes magnificently (mostly in the first half), and it's a lot more fun than its two immediate predecessors. I have but two words for a simple description of where this movie lies in this series, quality-wise: dead center. It's ten years after The Phantom Menace, and the years appear to have been good to almost everybody who survived that movie. Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman) is now Senator Amidala. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan MacGregor) is a full-fledged (and now, experienced) Jedi Knight and Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Chris tiansen), his shining (if seemingly emotionally unbalanced) pupil. The Senate of the galactic republic is about to hold a vote on whether or not to create a massive army to counter the threats of an increasingly popular secessionist movements, and for some reason, Amidala's vote on this issue is crucial, crucial enough for an assassination attempt to be made by some party who clearly doesn't want her to vote no. ("I have failed you!" says the dying distraction-double, though of course she not only hasn't failed her, but in dying has demonstrated her own usefulness. This scene also serves to establish Amidala as a competent pilot in her own right, something which appears to be a fairly standard skill in the galaxy.) Kenobi and Skywalker are assigned to protect Amidala from another assassination attempt, which happens soon enough. Kenobi goes to track down the perpetrator and motivation for the attempt, while Skywalker is assigned to escort Amidala incognito back to her homeworld where she's meant to be safe. Since it's Chancellor Palpatine who makes these assignments (and we all know what he's up to), it's a good bet that there's a sinister plan behind them...and it involves Jar-Jar Binks! Now, I liked The Phantom Menace, more than most people, for sure. In fact, my (in retrospect, wildly overdone and not very well-written) review praised it so much that every few months, like clockwork, I'd get an email from somebody who told me that they liked my reviews UNTIL NOW, and I just lost all my credibility with them. O, woe isn't me - I just lost my credibility with somebody so fickle that one review was enough to do it. I've received a similar comment regarding my ambivalence toward Poltergeist - but that's the only such comment I've gotten that didn't stem from my review for The Phantom Menace. That movie sure pissed a lot of people off. But I don't like it so blindly that I wouldn't want the next movies to correct on its many flaws; if anything, three years has made it flaws more glaring. Attack Of The Clones suggests that George Lucas has worked to correct on some of those flaws, marginally correct on some others, and either ignore or refuse to acknowledge others. Most promisingly, he enlisted help in writing the script. On one hand, this is good; a man's got to know his limitations, and Lucas certainly needs to know his. On the other hand, who the hell is Jonathan Hales? I've never heard of him before, and hearing the dialogue in this movie, one can only conclude that his contributions were either minimal, or very closely along the lines of what Lucas would've come up with anyway. The love story between Anakin and Amidala, for example, is pretty much what you'd expect when it's written by a guy who was divorced almost twenty years ago and, since he's still single and probably has more digits in his bank account than he has on his hands, I can only assume he hasn't even been looking since. Portman and Christiansen seem like they're trying to do something right with this often horribly wrong dialogue, and it results in an interesting dynamic between then which I don't think either Lucas or Hales intended. Anakin lays it on so ludicrously thick that he's actually kinda creepy; maybe it's for the best that the man who would become Darth Vader is creepy. Amidala reacts to him with both affection and a sort of disturbed, subdued fright. While most characters here are static, some are allowed some shape; Anakin in particular, unsurprisingly. In The Phantom Menace, he was too much the well-behaved angel; the original trilogy had established that his ultimate conversion by the Dark Side had as much to do with his natural temperament as with any external "seduction", and we saw none of that in this "Yippee!"-shouting kid. Here, he's quick to anger, slightly arrogant, obsessive, defiant, and seemingly as scared of Amidala as he is infatuated with her (his claims of love sound, maybe not inappropriately, like the confused ramblings of a hormone-crazed teenager who can't tell love from red peppers). Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't grow at all over the course of this movie, but he's closer to the Obi-Wan we knew in Star Wars than the "Yes, master"-ing pupil we saw in The Phantom Menace; not quite at the stage yet where he's too cool to be afraid of anything (for a guy who doesn't like flying, he sure is awfully good at it), but confident, skilled, and well in control of himself. His relationship with Anakin is interesting in that Anakin considers him to be like a beloved but frustratingly controlling father, whereas Obi-Wan doesn't at all behave like Anakin is any sort of metaphorical son to him, but an admired yet often troublesome pupil. Certainly, MacGregor has a lot more to do here than in the previous film, and does a better job than anybody acting in front of a blue screen with little more than his costume and a prop or two to frame his dialogue. Amidala fares the worst out of the leads. The relationship between her and Anakin shows promise in the way she's as intimidated by his unsubtle advances as she is affectionate towards him ("Annie": most emasculating nickname ever), but there are no real sparks here, at all. Part of me hopes that her ultimate capitulation to his advances was a sort of "we're about to die, so...yes, I love you too!", and that she'll come to her senses and back out in Episode III (wow, that'd REALLY piss him off!), but I'm not holding out for that. Lots of great costume and hairstyle changes, though; she's got more eye candy in her wardrobe than three movies worth of Princess Leia. More peripheral characters are given zero room for development, but are at least given more to do than before. Yoda, for example, is more the playful imp of The Empire Strikes Back than the too-serious, critical geezer of The Phantom Menace. He's all CGI in this movie, and I think that's a good move; the puppet in the original trilogy has held up surprisingly well over the decades, having I think as much to do with lighting as with the construction of the puppet itself. But the puppet in The Phantom Menace didn't look very good at all. (The Phantom Menace was pretty badly lit.) Here, he's top-notch CGI, and the problem of CGI characters moving too often and too quickly is avoided with him (well, until the end) and a number of others, such as Watto, who looks like he's fallen on hard times. New villain Count Dooku (Lucas sure does like his cute-sounding names) is given so little to do, outside of a climactic saber battle (hoo boy, more on that in a minute), that he hardly makes much of an impression at all, which is no small feat for a character played by Christopher Lee. Poor guy had much the same problem in The Fellowship Of The Ring. Samuel L. Jackson returns as Mace Windu, and it's nice to see him kicking some ass - heh heh, I loved that part where he's charging at one villain who's shooting at him. It must suck to be able to measure the remainder of your life in seconds. Ian McDairmid's Chancellor Palpatine seems to have an ulterior motive and a double meaning behind his every word. There are a few CGI characters here, but most of the CGI creatures stay quiet or are only here for a scene or so. Plot-wise, the script fares much better, having the sense of narrative drive that The Phantom Menace lacked. Structurally, the story for this movie reminds me of The Empire Strikes Back, in that it begins with a single story, splits it into two for a sizeable portion of the film, and brings them together again for the ending. I am relieved that the three-way cross-cutting in Return Of The Jedi's climax and the four-way in The Phantom Menace is not being continued as an escalating trend. Consciously trying to give the fans what they want (I can understand why this would be annoying to non-fans; myself, I appreciate much of it), Lucas gives other characters and concepts from the original trilogy introductions with varying degrees of brevity, like Bail Organa's ten or so seconds, Beru and Owen (the "Uncle" is here explained, dispelling the long-circulated rumor that Owen and Obi-Wan are brothers), residing on the revisited (uh, previsited) Lars homestead, and a very young Boba Fett, who we find was a sadistic little bastard whose "dad" (whose clones all share his New Zealand accent in addition to his DNA) only encouraged him at every turn. Probably the best "hey, cool!" such moment is seen in a couple of holograms near the end of the film. On the downside, for the FIFTH time in this series, somebody loses an arm. (wow, prosthetic-arm technology sure seems to have taken off in the 20 or so years between the setting of this and The Empire Strikes Back) Lucas is no stranger to recycling his own ideas, something he can get away with occasionally (who doesn't like a good asteroid-belt chase?) but if this man keeps on going unchecked, half the cast's going to be walking around with one arm, which is going to make it awfully hard for them to fight off their attackers when they're sentenced to Death By Hungry Animal. No midichlorians (remember them?) are mentioned in this film, which is a bit of a disappointment for me; it was hard to say if Lucas had something larger in mind with this "explanation" for the Force, or if it was just a misguided attempt to appease the "hard SF" crowd who need a practical explanation for everything. I can only assume now it was the latter. Also, Anakin's apparently immaculate conception is not re-addressed; while I don't want the "I am your father!" chestnut to be flogged out again, I would be disappointed if this is not ultimately addressed and resolved more satisfactorily in Episode III than just leaving it as said. Speaking of Shmi Skywalker, Pernilla August reprises her role here for about forty undignified seconds. The brevity of her screen time is, of course, terribly contrived (dammit Anakin - don't they say you should never move an injured person?), but the point of the scene and sequence isn't, giving us a much-appreciated example of Anakin's dark side (small d, small s), and for us long-time fans, an equally appreciated (though brief) look at the lifestyle of the Tusken Raiders, who've barely been seen since 1977. That Anakin endures no consequences outside of his own conscience for his actions here seems, briefly, like a sort of copout, but what's he gonna do, report himself? He's Darth Vader! Of course, the appeal of Star Wars movies have never had a heck of a lot to do with their scripts, and that I bother to invest them with this kind of attention is just me being me, baby. Attack Of The Clones has much more in the way of action than, likely, any of the previous films. A lot of it is some of the best action that this series has yet produced, particularly an early hovercar chase through Coruscant which is so beautiful, you just wanna cry. There's a huge-scale battle between a dozen or so Jedi and hundreds of attack droids which, aside from some ill-timed (though occasionally still funny) comedy involving C-3P0's severed head, is a blast and soon enough seems small-scale compared to what happens next. And the arena battle between our three heroes and three big, hungry animals (hmm, you'd think the villain orchestrating this would be reluctant to put Anakin in such immediate danger, but maybe that's why the Droidekars didn't shoot) is, definitely, more exciting then the fights against the Rancor or the sessile Sarlaac. Some of it doesn't quite work as well, like, uh...hmm. Well, you've probably heard about it by now anyway. Yoda fights. Yes, Yoda, that little green guy who walks like a miniature Ozzy Osbourne, fights, and not just with the Force. This part's pretty cool, so far; his "Oh, you've messed with the wrong little green guy now!" expression is priceless. But then, out comes the lightsaber. The ensuing battle is...very strange. On one hand, it's hilarious in Yoda's sudden Spider-Man-like agility. Some of the crowd cheered, and all of the crowd laughed, with no little disbelief, and not all of that laughter was, uh, the good kind. Me, I was just laughing. I can accept that someone as powerful in the Force as Yoda can, for short periods of time, overcome his hunched-over-little-geezer physique and do battle when he needs to. And visually, he doesn't look any worse than did Spider-Man swinging around Manhattan. It seems like a bit of a deus ex machina that Yoda comes in at the last second and apparently saves the day, but he doesn't really save the day; basically, he just provides us with a fun scene before the villain gets away as he was planning to anyway. It's certainly no worse than, say for a recent comparison, the Green Goblin killing himself with his own stupidity. I guess my only real problems with this scene is how unnecessary it is and how it shows a side of Yoda which was never hinted at before and it seems gratuitous now, in part because most of us had always assumed that once you get super-awesome-powerful in the Force on a Yoda or Emperor scale, you don't even need a lightsaber anymore. The eye candy (eye banquet, I continue to insist!) of this series was never just about the action, though. Long my favorite thing about this series, the depiction of a galactic-scale civilization is further fleshed out here. Attack Of The Clones only adds two new planets to its roster; Geonosis, which is barren on the surface but industrialized underground, and Kamino, a waterlogged world whose cities and buildings are supported like oil rigs. Star Wars planets have always been ecologically high-concept; even Naboo seems like its sylvan idyll might be planetwide. They do the job, though; they're not just new planets, but new planets whose presence in this civilization help define it. The city-world of Coruscant is explored in much more loving detail in a hovercar chase through its, uh, streets. Excepting maybe one too many free-falls, this is the best uninterrupted action sequence this series has had since The Empire Strikes Back. It's also the most visually fascinating look at a fictitious planet or city I've seen in any movie, ever, probably. I'm having trouble thinking of anything that compares. Blade Runner and The Fifth Element seem like obvious comparisons, but neither of them are in the same league with the sheer scale involved here, let alone compressed into this one sequence. We learn a little more about the Jedi order, particularly in one scene where we finally find out just how young Yoda, who always seems to complain that his new pupils are too old, thinks is young enough to start training. (answer: pretty damn young) It seems silly at first that in this scene, a child comes up with the obvious answer to the problem Obi-Wan is seeking to solve, but the answer would only be obvious to us, or to the children who don't hold the same assumptions as would Obi-Wan, that this "obvious" solution would be unthinkable and easily dismissed. Shot on digital video, something which a lot of people (myself included) have regarded with some suspicion, it's hard to say if Attack Of The Clones represents a technological improvement in that regard, since most of us are seeing it converted to regular film. Cinematography is much improved though, as the "TV movie lighting" problem of The Phantom Menace appears to have been taken care of, and the quality of the CGI images for both characters (well, most CGI characters - Obi-Wan's friend in the diner was kinda so-so) and environments look better than any you'll find, for now. I can see a considerable step up in how photorealistic these images are compared to those in The Phantom Menace; one can only imagine what another three years will do to advance this art. Oh yes, Jar-Jar Binks. Jar-Jar Binks, everybody's least favourite talking platypus, is back for this movie. But not for much. And what he's here for, interestingly, is to be the clueless pawn of the villains, which is kind of humiliating for him, even if he doesn't know it yet. And he does it so cheerfully! I should think this is a much better "comeuppance" of sorts for this widely-hated character than what so many fans appeared to have had in mind (how many times have I heard somebody whine "If George had REALLY listened to the fans, he would've [grisly fate for Jar-Jar]"?). While this is getting a very mixed reception from both critics and casual/former fans, it seems that the people who had high hopes for this one (people who, as the mixed reception to The Phantom Menace demonstrated, really AREN'T that easy to please) have mostly had them fulfilled. I like both, but I like this one better. Unsurprisingly, there are again accusations of racial stereotyping, generally the same kind of silliness lobbed at The Phantom Menace, from people who couldn't decide if Watto is supposed to be Mexican or Jewish (just how much room for overlap is there between those two stereotypes?). I hope these people keep it up. They're funnier than the dorky people out there naming their kids Anakin. BACK TO THE S's BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE