TO ALL A GOODNIGHT
Good night, indeed

  Curious that the recitation of this title is traditionally followed by going to sleep, because this here's sure to lull you into a deep, restful slumber from which you'll be loath to be awakened.  Why spend time watching some lame piece of crap when you could be in dreamland, where you're a Viking?

Like a low, low, Marianas-trench-low low-rent Black Christmas, this movie is actually the first "killer Santa" flick, unsurprisingly refusing to take that extra step of making its killer the "real" Santa.  That really bugs me.  Of all the sleaze (and I mean that in an affectionate way) released at the time, nobody had the guts to make Santa into a killer without excusing it away with the ol' "madman who just THINKS he's Santa" bit?

This guy not only wears a Santa suit, but a Santa mask as well.  (I mean, c'mon - all you need is the fake beard.  Why would you bother with a whole mask?)  He's going around killing sorority girls and their boyfriends on Christmas break, because two years before this sorority accidentally chased a pledge to her death in a poorly planned hazing.  I guess they must've known each other.  People don't generally go violently mad over the unhappy fates of complete strangers.  (well, except for that Rodney King thing)

The whole "Santa-as-killer" thing is scarcely looked at - it doesn't matter in the least that this guy wears a Santa suit.  He may as well be dressed in the Six Million Dollar Man's orange jumpsuit.  Or a tux.  Or nothing at all.  At least Silent Night, Deadly Night had the dignity to explore this a little (no idea about Christmas Evil, which I haven't seen).  And that particular killer Santa didn't walk around for the whole movie with a knife held waaaaay out at arm's length.

The dialogue (from the guy who wrote the similarly suck-loaded Demented), like just about everything else, is what you'd expect.  Leading her boyfriend up to her bedroom, one girl says "C'mon, Einstein.  Get ready for your advanced course in relativity."  If there's a double entendre here, I'm in the dark.

Often promising to give us much-needed nudity, To All A Goodnight consistently fails to deliver.  That's a damn shame too, because these gals look like they'd look pretty good naked.  Mind you, everything's so darkly lit that it's impenetrable on VHS - no idea how it'd look on film, but watching it here, even if there was nudity, you couldn't see it. (okay, there is one chick who you get to see take it off, but damn, she needs a cheeseburger or something)

This turd was directed by David Hess, who made himself somewhat notorious for playing the chief thug Krug in Last House On The Left.  Maybe I'm getting crotchety lately - six months ago, I might have held affection for this movie despite its awfulness, maybe because of it.  But there's no way around the fact that this movie is really, really bad.

Where do these people keep getting these crossbows from, anyway?

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