THE UNSEEN ...and it probably should've stayed that way! Some boxes lie to you, but some boxes tell you the truth...WAY TOO MUCH of the truth, like the plot for the entire movie, the monster's motivations, and what it looks like. Not a good idea when the title of your movie is The Unseen, but there it is, the copy on the back lays out the entire plot, shows a picture of "the unseen" (oh, the irony) and tells us who/what it is. It wouldn't be accurate to say that this spoils the movie, however; it's the fact that the movie is terrible, that spoils the movie. Three young newswomen are sent to a small California town where they're having some Oktoberfest-type celebration, and when they can't find a hotel room, they accept the offer of a kindly-seeming old man to stay in his hotel-turned-museum. BUT THEY'RE NOT ALONE... Aside from the box (more on the box in a sec; really, there's more), this movie's biggest problem is that it has about thirty minutes worth of plot. I mean, the scene where Barbara Bach finally gets into the cellar lasts something like forty minutes - that's almost half the goddamn movie! So it's stretched out on the rack to get to an hour and a half. Not that there aren't a few amusingly goofy things along the way ("Would I do anything to hurt you?!? Would I?!?!? WOULD I?!?!??!??! WOOOOOULD IIIIIIII?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"), but none of it justifies the length. I don't think I've ever seen a 90-minute movie with less filling it up. Jesus, forty minutes in the cellar...that just ain't right. Well, at least there's a little nudity (woohoo!), and the first girl to die amusingly puts on a real show about it - she claws her way out of the room, only to be pulled back into the room while she screams! She gets up and pounds on the window, only to be pulled down while she screams! She screams and pounds the whole while when that same, unseen individual is pulling down the air vent into the cellar. I also dug the "scarf scene" (well, the setup, not so much the payoff), and the effects crew features a young Stan Winston, credited between two guys I've never heard of. Not like there's a hell of a lot for any of them to do. When we finally find out what "the unseen" is (assuming you didn't just check the back of the box)...well, it requires a minimum of makeup. And...man, I don't want to spoil it (please! I have ethical concerns here!), but, it's so, SO stupid. Just...stupid. Man-boob poking out of the hole in the shirt and everything, THAT stupid. For God's sake, get away. It took two people to direct this movie, one of which would go on to helm the worst of the Friday The 13th movies. Oh yeah, that other bit about the box. You know how when you read the copy on the back of the box, when it mentions who stars, it mentions their other works to jog your memory? Before mentioning her other works, this one makes a point of mentioning that Bach is "Mrs. Ringo Starr". I can't really imagine anybody, a horror fan or otherwise, who would be influenced by this. But that's just me. BACK TO THE U's BACK TO THE MAIN PAGE