WATCHERS 3
You might say it's a case of jungle rot
Maybe it's inevitable that franchises of films will rip off something better or more prominent, almost to the letter, in a way the other films in the franchise didn't. Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers shamelessly went all Rosemary's Baby on us, the writers of Jason Goes To Hell have always insisted (unconvincingly) that they haven't even seen The Hidden, and I keep hearing about how New Nightmare rips off Fulci's Cat In The Brain, but nothing I've read about Fulci's film really suggests much similarity except for the director playing himself (or a simulacrum thereof).
Here, the middling Watchers series rips off Predator, to a tee. We've got the soldiers in the jungle against a monstrous beast who's hunting them, we've got the climax of booby traps and flaming arrows, we've got the hapless Latino along for the ride, we've got the Pred-o-vision...we've even got the scene where one guy sees the monster and just shoots like a maniac into the jungle, screaming all the while.
This is the third attempt to adapt one of Dean Koontz's more ass-kicking books, Watchers, into a film, and the third time ain't the charm. The first film kiddie-fied the story to a horrifying degree, to the point of having one of those Corey kids in the lead role. The second film wasn't great, but it was a fun game of "spot the homage". This...this isn't very good.
The basic concept of Watchers is kind of like the movie Twins. Remember how all the good genes went into Arnold Schwarzennegger (except for that "Front tooth" gene), and all the bad ones went into Danny DeVito? Well, here, all the good genes go into a superintelligent golden retriever, and all the bad ones go into a mandrill with an attitude. And each film re-invents the baddie, the Outsider, into a new beast. Here, he looks like a walking pile of leaves, and looks about as realistic as you might expect.
Wings Hauser does his finest Martin Sheen impression in the lead role as a disgraced army Major, stuck in the jungle against the beast. The rest of the cast is...nondescript.
The macho dialogue isn't nearly as cool as that in Predator. Try to guess which film each line came form:
"You're all a bunch of slack-jawed faggots 'round here. You chew this stuff, n' it'll turn you into a goddamned sexual tyrannosaurus. Just like me."
"Are you an idiot, or are you just stupid?"
You figure it out.
Weird character tidbit - the "cocky hothead guy" and the "quiet, creepy guy" always fight, until the first guy dies. Then the second guy starts acting just like the first guy.
Produced by jungle-meister Luis Llosa, who graced us with a delightful and largely misunderstood Anaconda. I guess the crew just needed advice on how not to be eaten alive.
Oh yeah - there's a dog here too, in case I didn't make that clear earlier. You can tell he's a good dog, cuz he's cute, and he barks once for no and twice for yes. Thing is, every single one of his barks sounds exactly the same, like the foley guy took a sample and just kept hitting A# on his keyboard.
I dunno about this one - it's not awful, but it's bad. There's a certain kind of earnestness here that's endearing - yes, they're putting up a shameless ripoff, and not a very good one, but the intention here is clearly to thrill. It's not like they've pulled a Troma on us.
Still, only recommended if you're a really big fan of golden retrievers.