Chapter 11
~ Port Charles - May 1992 ~
The bright white hot light was blinding. The sun overwhelmed the darkness; illuminating it in shades of red as it shone through the blood vessels in her eyelids, making sleep impossible. She stubbornly refused to open her eyes and moved her arm over her face to reclaim the darkness. As she was about to fall back into a deep slumber, the bus hit a bump that practically flung Brenda from her seat.
Brenda woke with a start! This was pushing her to the limits of her patience. It was bad enough that Julia had frozen her trust fund, but to force her to travel by common means added insult to injury. She thought that with her father's death, the mental abuse would finally end. That she would be free to live her life as she saw fit. But instead, here she was after travelling by commercial air to some god forsaken little village named Port Charles. Not only was she not booked on the Concord back, but last leg of her trip was by bus! How pedestrian! She knew that Julia had done this on purpose. Her older sister had always hated her, but she had thought it was only because daddy had wanted it so. But Harlan was long gone and Julia had done him one better. She had cut off all her funding and had only sent her tickets to come to this hick town. Well Julia was going to be in for a major battle. She was only coming to this hayseed town, to claim what was rightfully hers, and then she would cut herself off from her one remaining family member forever. What difference would it make, she had grown up alone anyway?
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
"No! That's not what I asked for! I said I needed the numbers for the past FOUR quarters, not the fourth quarter report! What good would that do me? I can't decide on the investment potential without seeing their balance sheets for at least the last fiscal year! Now when can I expect your fax? That's acceptable. I'll be waiting here for them, you have my number." Julia Barrett slammed down the phone and reached for her iced tea. This was all she needed! Millions hung in the balance, hundreds of jobs. She needed to make her decision by yesterday. She couldn't believe how phenomenally inept her secretary was. Who would have thought anyone could be worst than Lucy Coe was!
Julia walked into the living room trying to get a handle on her nerves. As she sipped her iced tea, her foot nervously twitched back and forth. Julia began her breathing exercise in a attempt to calm herself before Hurricane Brenda arrived. Her little sister was due here any minute, and from the tone of their last conversation, she was out for blood. Brenda had been traipsing about Europe for the past two years. She had already been expelled from two of Europe's finest private schools, and was perilously close to being expelled from the third, when Julia decided to order her home. With daddy gone, it's now my responsibility to make sure Brenda doesn't ruin her life out of spite for us.
She never understood why daddy had treated them so differently. He had destroyed her sister's self esteem as a child, and she had done nothing to prevent it. But she hadn't been much older at the time, and she had been afraid to defy their father, so she had watched in pained silence as she saw the abuse that had been poured over her little sister. As Brenda matured, she had armored herself in this cavalier attitude about life and living. She had turned into the poster child of 'Party Girls', and it was going to stop. If it was the last thing she did, she was going to fix what her father had destroyed. She was going to find a way to make her believe in herself again even if it meant making Brenda hate her in the process.
She jumped as the ringing of the fax machine startled her from her introspective thoughts. The door bell rang as she started towards the fax machine. She grabbed the first page that had printed and headed for the door. As she opened the door, Julia reviewed the fax, "Oh wonderful! This is just great, can't you do anything right."
"Well, hello to you too. You don't exactly set my heart of fire either Julia!"
"What? Oh sorry Brenda, I didn't mean you. My secretary sent me the wrong numbers again. Come on in, I'll be with you in a second."
Brenda shook her head as she watched Julia leave the room. She walked over to the dry bar and poured herself a glass of red wine and made herself comfortable on the couch. Well this was the kind of welcome she was use to. She hadn't seen Julia for at least two years, not counting those torturous Christmas ski trips with daddy. Yet she couldn't put aside business for even the minute it would have taken to make her welcome in her plush penthouse suite. At least she wouldn't have to go through that charade this year. With daddy gone there was no reason to get together. Plus she was sure that Julia would not want to have anything to do with her after she was done speaking her mind.
Why did this hotel seem so familiar to her? Even this pokey little town seem
to give her this warm welcoming feeling. It was really strange. Since alighting
from that awful bus, a feeling of comfort and peace had invaded her body.
She had never been anywhere near this town. She was amazed when Julia had
made roots here last year. She knew that daddy had ordered her to this town
to manage his new cannery acquisition, but there was no reason to remain
here since daddy had died. Death by gunfire, by her boyfriend no less! Can't
get more tragic than that. Why hadn't Julia moved her operations back to
their Manhattan or London offices after selling the cannery? She knew that
she was part owner in this hotel with a guy by the name of Ned Ashton and
had also recently invested in a new perfume company. But neither required
her residence in this place. Brenda shrugged and smiled to herself, maybe
she has a thing going with that Ashton fellow.
Julia distractedly returns, "I'm sorry Brenda. I've got everything taken
care of now. Brenda! You're too young to be drinking, put that wine down."
"Come one Julia! Isn't it a little late to worry about my well being. You and daddy farmed me off to those European private schools years ago. If you really cared about me, I wouldn't have grown up amongst strangers. Who all start drinking wine at a much earlier age than I am right now, thank you very much." To emphasize her point she takes a rather large mouthful of wine, and proceeds to choke.
Julia can't help but laugh as Brenda starts to turn as red as her wine. "You might have started drinking young, but you obviously don't know how to appreciate wine. You're not suppose to inhale it!"
"Go ahead Julia, make fun of me. Why should I expect you to treat me differently from daddy! You always took his side. Was it in his will that you should continue to treat me with as much contempt as he did? Stupid little Brenda. What a waste of a human life. What an embarrassment to the Barrett name! She angrily grabbed a napkin and began dabbing the wine off of her chin.
"Oh Bren, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's just that I'm your legal guardian now that daddy's gone. In America, it's illegal for you to be drinking at your age." She takes the glass from Brenda and walks over to the bar. "Can I get you an iced tea, mineral water, soda?"
Brenda was in a seething rage. How dare she treat her like a child! Daddy had been gone for months and now she uses the guardian card? "Let's get down to business Julia. You know why I'm here. Why did you cut off my funding. I know you don't have any use for me, so why don't you give me my inheritance and I'll be out of your lovely blonde tresses and on my way."
Julia approaches Brenda with an iced tea and sits, as she begins to explain, "It's not that simple Bren. I'm legally responsible for you. I can't let you just party around the world in 80 days. I called you back here for one reason. You will not get your money until you at least graduate from High School. I've enrolled you at PC High and you start there this fall. I can't let you loose with no formal education. We only have each other now Brenda, we have to look out for one another."
Brenda turned towards Julia in utter disbelief, "Look out for each other! You only looked out for yourself. You were daddy's favorite and you used his love for you against me. He would never had treated me with such disregard if you had stuck up for me. But not perfect Julia, daddy's princess! The two of you joined forces to make my life a complete misery! You just want me here so you can continue the abuse where daddy left off. We'll you can keep your money! Just unfreeze my trust fund, you can take daddy's inheritance and shove---"
Julia interrupts, placing her hand on Brenda's knee. "--There is no money Bren. You went through mom's trust fund in the middle of your Sophomore year. Daddy left you nothing. I've been sending you money from my own savings. He didn't leave anything to you. I'm sorry."
Brenda was stunned. She knew her father had been disappointed with how she led her life, but he had left her nothing? As her eyes welled with tears she stood and turned away, not wanting Julia to see how deeply her father's disdain had hurt. She attempted to discreetly absorb her tears with her wine stained napkin; her back to Julia. This had to be the worst day of her life, and she and plenty to compare this to.
Julia walked up behind Brenda and gently placed her hand on her shoulder. Brenda immediately shrugged it off and took a step away. "Bren, I'm sorry--"
"--Will you stop apologizing! This is the third time you've said I'm sorry to me in the last 10 minutes! If you're so sorry, give me enough money to live. Just a tiny bit of ALL the money daddy left you, and let me live my life the only way I know, by myself." She can't stop the tears that have started to trail down her face.
Julia hated seeing the hurt resonating from Brenda's every look and gesture, "I can't do that Brenda. You need to complete your education. You can stay here with me. You will go to High School and when you graduate, I will back you if you want to continue your education in a University or College. If you decided that High School is all you want, you will find a job. If you still want to be on your own when you reach 18, I will consider setting up a trust fund for you. I know you think I'm doing this to hurt you but I'm not. I love you Brenda. I know you're finding this hard to believe right now, but this is the best thing I can do for you right now. You need the stability of a home that I can provide for you. We're sisters and we're family, no matter how you feel right now."
Brenda angry wipes the tears from her face, "We may be sisters, but we've never been family Julia. It was always you and daddy, and then there was me. Why did you both hate me so much? In the beginning, I tried so hard to make you both love me. I never cared about the money, or the gifts, all I wanted was some attention, for someone to care about me."
Brenda stalks to the center of the room and performs a stiff pirouette, "What was wrong with me? Was I too fat? I lost the weight. Was I too stupid? I studied harder. I know, I didn't have your grace with daddy's business associates! I tried to hard to be you, the perfect daughter."
She walked up to Julia, inches from her face and glared into her eyes, "But it was stupid to try, the position had already been filled."
Brenda walked away, lost in a world of her own, "You know, about the time I turned 12, when he sent me off to Swiss boarding school, I decided to just give up. Nothing I did was good enough, so why try? He thought I was stupid, so why study? He thought I had no manners, so I became a trouble maker."
Brenda suddenly spun back around to face Julia, "I fulfilled your vision of me. This is what you wanted? I stand her before you the culmination of daddy's vision. Do you like what you see?"
Julia could stand no more of Brenda's tirade of pity me, "Brenda, stop it now! I know daddy was cruel to you, but my life wasn't much better. The chosen one! Do you think my life was easy? Daddy chose me to follow in his footsteps. I lived by his rules, I studied what he told me to, I accepted the jobs he assigned me, I came here when he ordered. I'm no happier than you are. Yes, I have the money, his power, but this is his life, not mine. Do you think this is how I envisioned my life? Daddy destroyed my spirit too. He was an evil man Brenda, he just tortured us in different ways."
Julia steps toward Brenda making sure she had captured her attention, "But you had a chance to escape. He left you alone. You hated being ignored! I should have been so lucky. I was 10 years old when he started prancing me out in front of his business associates as his hostess. I should have been in the back room playing with dolls, reading mystery novels. Instead I was trotted out like the trained dog to show all his clients how great a father he was!"
Julia had to dab at the tears that were overflowing her eyes. She looked at Brenda with a mixture of hurt and confusion, "Why didn't you make use of the opportunities that were given to you? You could have studied to be anything you wanted to be. How could you just fritter away every chance I gave you to make a life for yourself? You had freedom of choice, you didn't have to become daddy's creation."
She pauses to see if Brenda was listening, really understanding the message she was trying to convey, "You might hate me for this Brenda but you will educate yourself, and you will find a job that you enjoy. I will not allow you to waste your life away because you think that is the best way to spite daddy and me. Don't you see that the best way to stick it to daddy, is to make something of yourself. Show him how wrong he was Bren, make him spin in his grave, make something of your life. You show him how brilliant you can shine."
Brenda had never seen this side of Julia. Had daddy really played them against one another? The two sisters stood there in a stubborn battle of wills. Brenda was the first to blink. "Julia, I'm really tired. Where is my room? Let me unpack and freshen up, and we can finish this later tonight."
-- -- -- -- -- --
As the door opened, a cloud of steam followed Brenda into her bedroom. She sat at the vanity and began to comb out the tangles in her hair. If only it was as easy to untangle her thoughts. This trip had not turned out the way she had planned. Could Julia's life really be far from the fairy tale existence that she had imagined? She would have time to find out. She was going to be here for at least a year. There wasn't anywhere else for her to go. She had no money, no home, no friends. When her trust fund had dried up, they too had dried up and vanished, like dust in the wind. Wouldn't anyone ever like her for herself? Who was she anyway? At this point even she no longer knew. She had spent the last two years epitomizing everything her father despised in women.
Brenda stared at herself in the mirror, trying to see deep inside herself for the first time in longer than she could remember. Who was she? What had she become? Julia was right. What did she think all the trouble she caused herself was accomplishing? She was 17 years old, and she was equipped to do .. .. .. nothing. Who's the girl in that mirror there? Who can that attractive girl be? When she turned 18 Julia was under no obligation to continue to care for her financially. She had to pull herself together and prepare to take control of her life. She had to find out who she really wanted to be.
Look at me
You may think you see who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day it's as if I play a part
Now I see If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart
Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
who I am inside?
I am now in a world
where I have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world what's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am
Who is that girl I see
staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
There's a heart that must be free to fly
That burns with a need to know the reason why
Why must we all conceal
What we think, How we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else
For all time
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
When will my reflection show who I am inside?
The shower and the time alone had really helped. Brenda was now ready to
finish her discussion with Julia. Maybe they could conclude the evening with
some kind of understanding between themselves. She was here for a year, and
they had to learn to live under the same roof without killing each other.
One year to parole. She would put on a happy face and find a way to tough
this out. She also needed to find a career for herself, since it seemed pretty
obvious that daddy didn't see fit to provide for his youngest daughter, and
she didn't want to be at the mercy of Julia's handouts for the rest of her
life. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Port Charles wasn't as awful as she
thought it would be. At least they had indoor plumbing!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ Manhattan - August 1992 ~
"That's right dad, I need to fly down to Fiji to double check on the viability of their counter offer? While I'm down there I'll check in with our Brisbane offices as well. No, I don't think we should buy without investigating further! What? That's crazy? Why do you want to send Jerry down there? He's in Africa taking care of the diamond mine fiasco! Why would you want to uproot him from finishing that project, when I'm not working on anything earth shaking right now?"
"Jax, my boy you've just opened our Manhattan offices. Do you think it's wise for you to leave them unattended? What kind of image will that project?"
"Dad, don't be ridiculous. Addie's here, and she's more than capable of taking care of everyday operations. I can easily keep in touch by cell phone and my laptop. There's no need for me to be in residence in our Manhattan offices. Jerry manages our London offices, and he's barely stepped foot in his offices for over a year. Now what's your real problem with me flying down under dad?"
"I guess you're right Jax. You are the logical choice to go to Fiji, but are you sure you're ready to return there? It's only been a couple of years since.. .. .. "
"I know what you're thinking dad, but I'll be OK. I'm a big boy now. You don't need to worry about me not being able to handle myself. I am a Jacks after all. I can turn off my emotions as well as you and Jer in order to close a deal."
"Jax, why don't you wait a day and I'll fly down there with you. I'm getting a little antsy up here in Alaska. Your mum would welcome my leaving for a week or two. What do you say son? Let's make this a father and son trip, combine business with pleasure. I just don't get away with you boys anymore. I'm sure Jerry can meet us there too. What do you think of that my boy? Just us Jacks boys, set loose on the Outback again. Wouldn't that be an adventure?"
"Dad I know what you are trying to do, but don't worry, I'll be just fine. I know now, it wasn't my fault. I've come to terms with my lost. I'll never be the same, but that's not a bad thing. Haven't I moved on with my life? I didn't wallow in self pity for too long. Mum wouldn't have stood for that. This trip is purely business, it won't be a trip down miserable memory lane. I'm not the dreamer I was back then. Even if we were together now, I wouldn't be sitting on a beach somewhere waxing rhapsodic about the tides, the moon and stars. That was the fantasy world of a boy dad. I'm a man now, I realize how foolish my beliefs about life and living were back then. I'm not 19 anymore, don't treat me as such."
"Jax, you boys have grown up so quickly. Right before our eyes. You're right my boy. You go there on your own and close the deal and make this old man proud."
"No prouder than I am to be part of you and mum. I wouldn't be who I am without being taught right by the two of you. Tell mum I'm sorry I missed her. I'll check in with you when I get to Ngau."
John Jacks hung up the phone with more trepidation than he let on. They had all taken a big risk over the past two years. If Jax accidentally stumbled upon their secret while in Fiji, their family could be shaken to their very foundation. He distractedly ran his hand down his beard as Lady Jane entered his office.
"John, I need your help out back. Do you have time to help me in my hothouse for a bit?"
Lady Jane can see by his expression that something was awry, "John, is there something wrong?" She sits opposite her husband, frighten by the look on his face. She knew it had something to do with one of her boys. "What mess has Jerry stumbled into now?"
"It's not Jerry mother, I couldn't dissuade Jax from flying down to Fiji to handle the details of that Resort we've been trying to acquire."
"You mean the "Nukuyaweni Outpost?" As John nods in the affirmative, the memories of that awful day two years prior, came flooding back in waves of horror. "John no! That's too close for Jax to tread! You've got to stop him!"
"Now Lady, don't worry. He won't be anywhere near the resort on Taveuni. We don't have anything to worry about on that front. I'm more worried about bad memories churning up by being so near where it happened."
"But what if they do stumble upon one another? Do you know what that would do to our family? All I've ever cared about is this family John. It was you who insisted that we needed the money and the power. All I ever wanted was for those I love, to be happy and healthy. What if the decision that you and Jerry made comes back to bite us? How could the two of you manipulate Jax's life in such a way? You forced me in to position where I had to take your side, after the fact. If your Godlike decisions, break apart what I hold most dear I will never forgive you John."
"Lady Jane, I did what was best for my family. He was just a boy. If he had known, he would have thrown away his life trying to make right what was out of his control. They are better off apart. They would only have grown apart, and he would have sacrificed his life out of remorse and guilt. As it is now they both will lead lives they were destined for. Beside, Jax won't be any the wiser. He has no reason to go anywhere near that island."
"I pray you're right John. The future of this family depends on it."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ Port Charles - August 1992 ~
"Julia, I thought you said you saw me in an entirely new light! Haven't I been a model citizen for the last 3 months?"
"Brenda, it's not that I don't trust you, but it's such a long journey for you to take alone. Besides your Senior term begins in two weeks."
"But Jules, this trip is going to take what, one week tops? A day to get there, five days of reconnaissance, and one day back. I'll still have plenty of time to buy new binders and pencils for school." Brenda was smiling widely at her sister exasperated expression.
They had mended their relationship drastically over the last few months. They actually liked each other now. It seemed that with their father's passing the obstacle that had kept them apart had been lifted. They had yelled, argued, cried, and laughed. They had commiserated the events of their lives that had led them to that apex of emotions three months ago. Though it did little to eradicate the emotional scars that would remain with her forever, Brenda had been reborn. And Julia had found a confidant and friend in her sister of all people!
"Brenda, I'm not treating you like a child anymore. But you're still only 17. I'm not sure if it's safe for you to be travelling that far alone."
Brenda laughed, "Jules, I've been on my own since I was 12! I think I can fly to Fiji without a little note pinned to my chest asking the flight attendant to watch over me. Don't start getting all maternal on me now. I wouldn't know how to respond to that. This is the best solution. You want to bid on that property but you don't have time to check it out yourself, so who better but me? I'm just an innocent high school student who's there on vacation to take some pictures for my summer project. That's the beauty of the idea Julia! I'll be able to dig out so much information for you! You can't go down there, everyone knows who you are and it will drive up the prices on the bidding. They'll never suspect me. I know I have the same name, but I can change it, I met this guy at Ruby's diner who says he has friends who can make me some phony ID. We don't even look alike! Julia, let me do this for you. You are doing so much for me. I want to feel like I'm contributing something. Let me give you something in return."
Julia looked at her sister and her heart was bursting with pride. Brenda was practically exploding with energy. It was such a change from the angry, sarcastic, bitter, downtrodden girl who arrived at her door three months ago. She was going to be worried every minute that she was gone, but she had to give Brenda the chance to spread her wings and fly. Even if it meant that she might lose this property because Brenda wasn't really the wisest choice to send down there. She had no experience in these matters, but she couldn't bear to crack the confidence Brenda had built in her own abilities over the past few months.
Who would have thought they could ever truly be sisters, but a miracle had occurred. After those first few awful hours, it was as if Brenda's body had been invaded by a different spirit, a wiser soul. After they had gotten beyond all the accusations and blame, they had really forged a bond, an allegiance built of mutual misery in surviving under their father's mistreatment.
It had not begun well. Brenda had begrudging taken the administrative assistant job at 'Deception'. However, by the end of the first week, she would return home with hilarious stories of what Lucy had conjured up for them to do each day. Lucy had moved her into the public relations department to promote their new fragrance with their signature model Dominique. Brenda had thrived on the excitement of the responsibilities Lucy had entrusted to her, and she had not failed. Deception was a stunning success. With Lucy as the brain trust, everyone in town thought this was going to be a phenomenal failure, but surprisingly it was a runaway success. Julia enjoyed watching Brenda's metamorphosis into this diligent, hardworking, future thinking young woman. She had never seen her sister with this kind of fire applied for good. Her hell raising sister had somehow changed. Not that she was vastly different, just .. .. .. better. It's as if all the energy she had focused on her anger and loneliness had been re-channeled into productive tasks.
Julia looked down at her sister's expectant face and smiled, "You're right Bren, you are the perfect choice. Here's what I think you need to do."
*Song Credits - Album "Soundtrack to Mulan" Song "Reflection" performed by
Christina Aguilera.
~ to be continued ~