Black dots over everything white. White crystals over everything else.
Darkness falls across the dark eyes of a young child grown old. Shivering not from the early chills of late September, yet from the deep festering of angst within her which only grew ten fold every waking second that she existed without It. The want, the need, the deep-routed sensations of hunger, thirst, emptiness and a foul smelling pain. Trapped within a grim world with a slipping grip on reality, this tortured soul finds comfort only in a growing complex desire to simply want to live, for in Its absence she yearns only for death, only for a small savory morsel of oblivion, a tiny taste at the salty tip of her unsanitary tongue. A hunger not for food, a thirst not for water, an emptiness that cannot be filled with concrete substance.
Only Powder.
Pretty little crystals.
To awake every morning to a palpitating heart who rages to be free of Its captivity in this dungeon of a body. Sleeping each night to the clamor and pain of a wooing brain, set to explode at any moment. The fire cannot be quelled. It rises. It demonizes. It reigns. A lack. A vision of fresh flowing, deep maroon blood to determine one still lives, feels, exists. Mercy. Prayer could never satiate a bursting soul’s need, its revenge against itself, its pride. Its self-induced hatred and plight for freedom. And where does this pressure end? When does it leave the mass of human skin and bones it condenses? A skinny child at heart. A skinny broken child lost in a deep sea of regret, overshadowed remorse and inexorable greed. An incessant tremor, a wild race of empty thoughts, empty threats, long lasting fevers, and penniless meals of a wasteful family’s discarded meat.
Withdrawal.
Twice a week. The minimum requirement for voluntary beginners at the local rehabilitation center. The tall, white, clean-walled building. Twice a week. The assignments, the guilt, the guilt-trips, the loneliness of attending scares this filthy child, dares this filthy child. Loud noises. Blurred vision. Lucid visions. Flashes. Hot flashes. Flash backs.
Black dots over everything white. White crystals over everything else.
Pretty little crystals.