Thoughts
fo shizzle, my dizzles
guess what?!?! i'm still bored! we came home about 2 hours ago.
July
30, 2001BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
July 2
9, 2001Today was chacha and chachi's anniversary....they left atl that morning. the rest of the day....i can't remember.
July 2
8, 2001WE SAW YAADEIN TODAY!! A WHOLE SUMMER OF ANTICIPATION FINALLY CAME TO A CLOSE AS WE SAW HRITHIK'S MASTERPIECE.
July 2
7, 2001I saw mooon and acid today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was soo good to finally see them again. i talked to moon...and we took pictures on their webcam, ate lunch..and took more pictures. when i got back, we loaded the car and prepared to leave. sibghat chacha decided to kill some wasps at the last minute....but suddenly, they all ganged up on him in defense. so he took a towel and started lasso-ing it around his head, much like a cowboy would lasso a rope. that was the funniest thing i'd ever seen in my life! luckily, we didn't get lost this time in atl. that night.....hmm...i can't remember what we all did.
July 2
6, 2001ok....today was the day we went to marshalls and i sinned. :( i won't give any details... but it had to do with price tags.....ok, enough of that. we then stopped by maina phupo's house...then went home....and watched pyar kiya to darna kiya. great movie. then we swam.....and that night.....well....all i can say is...i got to see nado and shazo as i had never seen them before. we also watched hera pheri...another great movie.
July 2
5, 2001hmm....i don't really remember what we did today.....i think this was the day that it rained....and we turned on "ghanan ghanan" and started dancing in the living room to it. hee hee, that was soooooooo much fun. then we went outside and played in the rain.. it was pouring! heehe...in our masti, we decided to go roll down a hill in their backyard.....so we did. it was GREAT! if you ever want to have a good time..........find a big grassy hill, and roll down it. we then frolicked in the rain a bit longer to clean off the grass....then we jumped in the pool. after that....what else? we ate dinner and watched pyaar tune kya kiya.... i think. we watced so many movies, i can't recall when it all happened. we also watched dhulan hum ley jayengee.
July 2
4, 2001ok, now my memory is being difficult. i think today is the day we went to tj max i got some bras for a very cheap price. (i don't think you wanted to hear that, but guess what....you're the idiot that decided to read this!!) anyways, we got home...and went SWIMMING!! we then had dinner....and i'm not sure...but i think this was the day that we watched aks. heehee. AKS....IT SUCKS!
July 2
3, 2001Aighty, so today, we watched final destination while we waited for uncle to come back from interview. we also watched some other crap....then we left for tennessee...and izzatullah joined us. during the 4 hour drive, we, the three mosquitos, sat in the back, and went crazy....even crazier than we were when we were on the plane in june. we even danced in the back seat...or shazo did...me and nado were mere bystanders to her insane talent. when we arrived.....hmm....we went swimming...yay! and we ate dinner after that....and hmm...what else did we do? i don't remember.
July 2
2, 2001, and on sunday, when they were to leave, i went with em. yay! it was a very sudden decision, i didn't think i'd go...but then i thought, well, what's the point of not going....so i went. we left augusta around 11 or so. we stopped by food lion and got some awesome cotton candy icecream....it was goooooood. well, after 2 hours of listening to the yaadein cd, we arrived in the city of Atlanta. we stopped to eat at taco bell, got directions to Cherians from some desi folks, went there, went to a methai place, then roamed around atl for 5 hours, desperately searching for my bros apartment (even though i knew the way....apparently, when i talk, the sound doesn't reach other people's ears). when we finally got there....hmm..what did we all do...we ate some food, and then watched the first half of khalnayak. then we slept...or tried to sleep. me and shazo threw a scrunchie back and forth cause we couldn't sleep. heehee
July 21, 2001
My cousins, they came unexpectedly today. i spent the morning watching lagaan. when the came, we went for bowling....there, we ate popcorn and coke....and candy...and izzy's french fries. that night, we watched love ke liye kuch be karega, and laughed our heads off......it's a grand movie....aftab shivandasi is the coolest man alive. that night, me and nadia talked till 4 in the morning. it was nice to be able to talk openly with someone...about practically everything.
July
20, 2001"Hmmmm hmmmmm hmmmmmm.....HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM?!?!?!"--The googly-eyed Gremlin from Gremlins 2-The New Batch. i'm so BORED! please, someone come save my tortured soul from this bordom which i am bound by.
July 19, 2001
Damn, well, i knew time was supposed to fly when you're having fun...but i didn't realize it did the same when you're bored as hell. anyways, i juss got finished watching yet another home video...but this time, i didn't get as sad as i did when i watched the other one...this time, it just made me happy to be reminded of all the good stuff...the good stuff was being in franklin with the whole family...swimming, watching everyone play cricket...messing around with fireworks on the 4th of July...and playing on the swings...the good stuff was being in our old house in chicago, and watching faru get in front of the camera, scratch his face, and go, "can i seeeee thaaat?"
July 18, 2001
Ok, so as I watched a family home video last night…I can’t explain it, it juss kind of brought me back into a time that I had completely forgotten….in the hub jub of everyday life, it’s hard to hold on to the past…. I mean…watching the video, I saw how incredible bratty, loud, and annoying I was as a 10 year old(and I still can’t figure out how the people in my family kept so much patience with me as opposed to strangling me at my annoying phase)…and although I hated the way I acted in the video…I wouldn’t for one second even think about changing anything about that previous life.. for watching those times kinda juss crushed something inside of me…when the video was over…and I was violently torn from an innocent, cherished past, I couldn’t help but feel sad as I woke up to the present, and the way things are currently as compared to a mere 7 years back. My lips are chapped :)
July 17, 2001
Hmm........chips. haha, for all you pakode people that read this, i'm sorry for not having any interesting thoughts lately. You see, when a habitually active mind is left idle for the summer, it begins to sleep, and its once interesting thoughts ferment into crazyness. Godiva Belgian Dark Chocolate Ice Cream is the greatest ice-cream ever created. This I Promise You is the greatest song ever written...asides from now and forever and nahi samne tu, of course.
July 1
6, 2001Golly, i can't believe it's already the 16th. I'm currently doing book cards.....I HATE AP LIT WITH A PASSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good gracious, even in college, they don't make you read shitty depressing books (the invisible man) during summer...for no REASON!! I can understand the point in reading Jane Eyre because it has to do with English/Victorian lit, which is our focus for senior year....but what the HELL does the invisble man have to do with english lit?!?!? Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...i already got my damn college credit, don't know why i'm taking the damn class again....on a funnier note, i juss ate a peach, and apparanlty, i've grown allergic to them, because my upper lip is now swelling. hee hee
July 1
5, 2001I's bored....a trifle tired...and juss a bit blaaaaaahhh right about now. Juss a bit down....listening to nahin samne tu, this song always gets me down for some reason. It's one of those songs that just kinda sticks, and grows on your soul like some parasite as it emits a melancholy sap into your emotions. but it's still good.
July 1
4, 2001aight, so i finished Jane Eyre last night....at about 4 in the morning...it's such an awesome book, i couldn't stop reading the damn thing. I'm kinda glad i decided to read this one...unlike all the other books that i merely read cliff notes of...this one actually had some meaning, and influence that i could apply to some aspects of my own life. ok, enough about books. I saw a desi movie entitled pagaalpan today....and it was just that, crazy! i'm currently listening to "now and forever" by richard marx...golly, this song is so GOOD! i've been in really cheesy music mode lately...can't understand why.
July 13, 2001
OOh...it's friday the 13th.....ooooooh....scaaryyy! Hmm...maybe that explains the horrid dream that visited me in my sweet slumber....i dreamt that my mom wanted me to get married...and that she had someone in mind...who..i had no idea.....aaaah! can you imagine a more terrifying nightmare?!? i cringe just thinking about it....ugh! next subject...hmm...on a brighter note, i made this last night. Go see it. I juss realized how awesome this thing we call the internet is...i just went bowling with my cuz in Chicago, and talked to my cuz in pakistan...and now, this internet has allowed me to share these scattered thoughts with you. How neat...i cringe to think of what i did before i found the internet.....
July 1
2, 2001Aight, so i was talking to my cuz online today...and he informed me that he had a dream that the SAME relative that i had my dream about tried to commit suicide because he had to drive for 5 hours........same person dying...both dreams had to do with cars.....i got jolted and frightened.. ..so then went to dreammoods.com and interpreted the death of our loved one in a car...turns out, it's merely a manifestation of our feelings for this person. Apparantly..."To see your dead sibling, relative, or friend in your dream, indicates that you miss them and are trying to relive your old experiences you had with them. In trying to keep up with the pace of your daily waking life, you dreams may serve as your only outlet in coping and coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.....To see someone dying in your dream, signifies that your feelings for that person are dead or that a significant change/loss is occurring in your relationship with that person. Alternatively, you may want to repress that aspect of yourself that is represented by the dying person." Every ounce of that info is true for my feelings....it felt SO MUCH BETTER after reading this. On a lighter note... i'm listening to "aajaa mahiya" from fiza...i also watched it yesterday....great movie...very moving. Here's an interesting occurence that has juss happened...i NEVER check the mail..but today...i juss felt like i HAD to, and lo and behold, my ap scores were in. I was excited...petrified...and happy, i got juss that i thought i would...and then some. us history=2(i thought i'd get a 1 for that), lit=4(exactly what i thought), and biology...get this a 4!!! i think i could've done better for that, but a 4 for a bio exam...i's feelin good now. yay!
July 11, 2001
I cease to call this thing a diary...i don't talk about REALLY personal things, because i've figured out that people acutally READ this thing...aight, so currently, back to your heart is playing on winamp. i don't know...there's some especially unique about this song that strikes an emotional chord in me...can't understand why, it has absolutely nothing to do with me, or my life. it's just so GOOD!! I'm currently reading Jane Eyre, so maybe that's why i'm in the melancholy, emotional, even tender mood now. or maybe it's all this damn lovey dovey sappy music...less get rid of it.....there we go...Hey Jamaalo....perhaps the most perfect song ever composed and sung. It doesn't make me feel all mushy gushy inside...i just feel at home with this song....at the age of about 3, i remember our whole family having a barbeque on the deck at ansari central...when all of a sudden my dad started singing and dancing to this song and getting my uncles in on it too.....so apparently, it's the theme song of the ansari family. maybe that's why it's so freaking cool...hee hee, or maybe not...if you people are getting sick of me talking about music...blame kazaa
July 10, 2001
i's listening to, "oh oh oh oooh, oh oh oh oh. oh oh ohhh. THE RIGHT STUFF!" man, i remember listening to his song when i was like 5...those were the days. ooh, it's the tenth....my ap exam scores should me coming soon...don't know whether to be excited or PETRIFIED! then the 23rd, i get to take senior pictures for the yearbook...oh joy. another "poto" of this haramu, great! well those are my thoughts for the day.
July 9, 2001
I'm currently listening to "Happy Face" by destiny's child...very uplifting song, i suggest you people download it. hmm....i have no thoughts right now....i've gone brain dead.....maybe later......
July 8, 2001
BLAH BLah blah.....nothing happened today......nothing!!!!!!!
July 7, 2001
Blah, blah, blah.........went bowling today.....actually beat both izzy and faraz in a game...hee hee, this little girl who's so used to getting gutter balls actually beat two of the best players in the family...lol. So that was the highlight of my day. That night we watched some movie called love letter....now i've of heard animals coming to the aid of the hero and going after the villan...i've even seen birds do the same.....but a heard of cows?!?!!? The supposedly dramatic movie took a comical turn after this incident. Another rather funny tid-bit about the movie.....everytime a villan is going after the hero's girl...the hero just sits there and plays a baasuri (flute)....normal heros physically fight for their girl....but this one just sat and played a flute in a rather jolly nature........hee hee
July 6, 2001
I had a REALLY ominous dream this morning, right before i woke up, and it scared the living crap outta me....one of my family members died....and all the emotions i felt after this happened were just SO vivid, that i'm still a bit frazzled from it. I mean, i know that there's a slim chance of it happening in real life, but it really made me think about if it really DID happen...i remember in the dream that i felt so wounded because i make fun of this person quite often...and in addition to the loss of this person, all my actions were haunting me...so now i think maybe this dream had a purpose...maybe i'll be a bit more sensitive towards people and start watching what comes out of my mouth.
July 5, 2001
Oye, I just realized it's Nado's birthday today! The big 1-3, wow, she gettin old!!!!! I can still remember when we were kids and we used to jump from her couch and sit in the little window thing that goes from the living room to the kitchen.... hee hee, those were the days. Time's been passing by WAY too fast...i just fear the day when we're all like thirty-somethings, married, living spread apart, and loosing contact with each other. As kids, friendships and family mean everything...the older ya get, the less you care about family and the more you care about yourself (as i've seen many people do)...i guess that's one of the many negative results of aging...on a lighter note...i had an excellent dream this morning. I dreamt that some relative in Chicago (not a cousin) was getting married...and we were all staying at saaraa's house, which was filled with people. Hmmm....it'd be funny if someone WAS getting married in Chicago....
July 4, 2001
So i got up this morning and heard loud music coming from downstairs and thought, "...how can my dad be home, it's a weekday....." It's july 4th, that's why! how smart am i......hee hee...i just realized what a broad musical spectrum i listen to...my mp3's, which are played in random order, went from "socho ke jheelon ka sheher ho," to "crawling"...to the "brothers" song from pearl harbor. you know, one thing that bugs me about people these days is how some choose to define themselves by the music they listen to. I just think it's pathetic that they can't find their own sense of identity within themselves. that's a big enough thought for me. it's 10:12 am, and i don't think i can come up with any epiphonies at this time of day...maybe later.
July 3, 2001
I only had bitter thoughts last night (whenever i refer to last night....i'm talking about like 2 this morning), so i see no need to share them. But as i started reading Jane Eyre, i stumbled across a meaningful quote...and it made me supress my angst..."...Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs. We are and must be, one and all, burdened with faults in this world......with this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last with this creed revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm, looking to the end." So after typing this, I realize how incredibly stupid it may sound to someone else...but it sure made me think. so currently, i just feel like a trapped rat...only about 385 days left till i can break out........i'm grrrrrrrrrrring severly inside....this summer, except for the florida incident, i've been stuck in the house, not leaving for weeks on end because my mom watches too many lifetime movies and expects me to get involved with drugs, have sex, get shot, raped, get pregnant, run over by a car, and get cancer from the sun if i step one foot out of the house. The fact that my dad is an ansari doesn't really help my situation any either. so i am stuck....until college that is...hee hee! I'll be able to go to a movie during the day without having convince my mom that i won't get raped, shot, run over, or get involved with drugs if i go to a movie theater.......i'll be able to go to taco bell without having to make it clear that i'm not going with some secret boyfriend....all the little things you people take for granted, i dream of while i rot in this cage of mine.....so maybe now you can understand why i spend so much time online and eat so much ice cream...i have nothing better to do!
July 2, 2001
Aight, so last night, i stumbled upon a way to fall asleep when i wanted....i started reading Jane Eyre...and in a couple hours, i was dreaming sweet dreams...yay! Because i didn't conjure up any astounding new thoughts last night, i figure i can share one that occurred to me one morning on the beach of Ft. Lauderdale. As we watched the sun come up that morning, it dawned on my how the sun symbolizes human life. As people pay great attention to a newborn, so they often leave their pleasant dreams to watch the sun rise in the morning...as children grow old and become adults, less attention is given to them, and they are forced to fend for themselves... as the sun is in it's midday position, no one pays heed to it, people don't flock outside during noon to watch the sun....but people get older, they are given more respect and attention...in the same way, as the sun sets, once again, some flock outside to give it it's final goodbye......so we are like the sun once again...the rising sun with the promise of a new day=the infant with a promise of a bright future...the midday sun=the independent adult....the setting sun with the closing of the day=the wise old person with the closure of a life....so that's my thought. yeah, it was cheesy...what i felt later on today....here's an idea (it's that time again) .......
July 1, 2001
Another month...another 31 days of boredom...and insomnia...yay! So during another occurence of a sleepless night, i decided to sleep on the flip side of the bench that my parents refer to as a bed...so i stared out the window as the moon made it's soft stroll across the night sky...it was so gorgeous. I got to making comparisons between the moon and the sun, when all of a sudden, a metaphor...or rather an epiphony struck me in the head. The moon is beautiful, it's cool glow in the night sky soothes us and gives us comfort....but it seems like the midday sun is just hot, annoying, and uncomfortable...on a summer's day, we often run from the sun and seek shade as we wait for the night to arrive and the moon to grace us with it's cool glimmer. The moon represents, to me, those people in life who you stick to, solely for the sake of comfort...the moon does not generate it's own heat...that heat and glow is reflected by the sun...the moon does not nurture us or give us energy or warmth, it's solitary purpose is for reassurance...or at least, it may seem that way. The sun represents those people in our lives who give us that warmth and nurturing...but oftentimes we become oblivious to that, and run from them, seeking, what in our minds is a refuge from that heat...but what we do, in fact, is run from the one thing that makes us who we are...that gives us life...we just run........
