JUST WHAT QUALIFIES AS PUNK TODAY: A Rant By Zombie 4/5/04 ---------------------- That's right - what is it, exactly, that qualifies as punk today? Apparently, it's anything. You see, thanks to Rancid, punk has again become fashionable in the biggest way since the "punk boom" of the late 1970s, when the Sex Pistols were cool to listen to. Chic, even. But these bands didn't change what they were saying to pander to this new crowd of pseudo-punks, much like today. Did you ever hear the Damned whining about how expensive Gucci clothing items are? Did you ever hear the Clash complain about things that "should affect the punks" like the American presidency? No, no, no. It would seem that today's major punk bands are only really in it to get their opinions across and widely accepted. Fuck, you don't see any headlines on the front pages of today's newspapers saying something like: "NOFX: PUNK? CALL IT FILTHY LUCRE!", do you? You never read "PUNK ROCK ARMSTRONG RAZORED" in your gossip columns, do you? I've decided to put together a l'il list or two here tonight, you see - just what qualifies as punk today, and what SHOULD qualify as punk today. LIST #1: WHAT QUALIFIES AS PUNK TODAY: 1. Pink. 2. New-school music. 3. Expensive clothing. 4. Fat Mike praising. LIST #2: WHAT SHOULD QUALIFY AS PUNK TODAY: 1. Peaches. 2. Old-school music. 3. Self made clothing. 4. Danzig praising. Noticing major differences there? I certainly am. A while back, when the Misfits reformed with Michale Graves at the helm, there was a resurgeance in the majesty of old-school punk rock music. It was here-and-gone. Jerry Only kicked Graves out (twice) and has now made the Misfits into a three-man 1950s cover band. It's sad, but it's happened. Whilst the punk bands of today - being Rancid, NOFX and Green Day, to name a few - are highly recognized and praised by all the critics (I think I heard "Punk album of the year!" being repeated at least five times in Kerrang! Magazine last year) the punk bands of yesterday - The Damned, The Sex Pistols, The Clash - are either defunct or performing at those sad little social gathering things. This is NOT the way it should be. Punk should have died. I blame Fat Mike for not letting it. The only good thing to have come from punk since 1988 was A.F.I. (refer to the A Fire Inside E.P.) and they're not even qualifying as punk these days. Bring back Dada Rock, say I. We need another Frank Zappa. Another present-day composer to shake things up. But I doubt we'll ever see one like him again. While I'm switching between topics, it annoys me how Zappa's band (the Mothers of Invention) broke up and then reformed, with Zappa hiring these two hacks (Flo and Eddie) who took the foreground and pushed the good ol' Sheik into the background. That sucked. So, drawing to a conclusion. New punk sucks. Old punk rocks. Kill Fat Mike. And, while you're at it, blow a cap in President Bushwah's ass.