| Summary: Here's the scoop. An old Irish drunk captures a leprechaun and proceeds to brag to his wife about it. He whips out his sack (ha) and shows her the gold coins he was able to swipe from our little green friend. The leprechaun finds the old man at home and pushes his wife down the basement stairs. The old man and the leprechaun fight and the old man locks him in a box with a four-leafed clover on top of it. Evidently the four-leafed clover is to leprechauns what kryptonite is to Superman (or what monogamy is to Charlie Sheen) and he is unable to escape. Before the old man can throw the lit match onto the gasoline soaked box, he succumbs to all the years of hard drinkin' and unprotected sex. He suffers a stroke, cursing little people everywhere and leaving the leprechaun locked in his wooden prison. Now, I used to think that leprechauns were supposed to be nice and cheery and give marshmallows and happiness to children. But then I realized they are Irish and it all made sense. The Irish are assholes. Ten years pass. Another old man with his daughter (Jennifer Aniston!) move into the crappy ramshackle (I love the word "ramshackle." It sounds like a Ninja move or something.) house and hire a painting crew to do what they do best. Unfortunately, this particular painting crew consisted of a Bon Jovi lookalike, a retarded ape, and an eleven year old boy. They manage to fall into enough paint to cover 10 ramshackle houses while getting very little actual work done. Jennifer Aniston gets a boner for Bon Jovi and they giggle together like two monkeys in heat. Meanwhile, the retarded ape goes into the basement and is tricked by the leprechaun into letting him out. The leprechaun escapes and Lenny the big dumb animal runs off to tell everyone about it. Of course no one believes him and why should they? He is retarded after all. The big oaf and the little kid find an abandoned ramshackle truck on the edge of the property. They find the old man's sack (ha) of gold coins that he had stolen from the little leprechaun. Somehow, and I don't even want to explain how, the big idiot swallows a gold coin. I once got a penny stuck up my nose but geez, this is bordering on ridiculous. Unfortunately, the big moron was telling the truth about the little green man. The leprechaun goes on a killing spree, spouting off more leprechaun kill phrases than Nirvana has songs about heroin. The father gets his hand bit when he reaches his hand in a log after hearing a trapped "kitty." They rush him to the hospital and we never saw him again. I hope he realized he was acting in a leprechaun movie and pulled the cord out of his EKG machine. The little kid and stupid ogre go to a pawn shop in town to get the gold assessed. They leave a coin with the pawn shopkeeper, upholding the common misconception that pawn shop owners are honest people. Later that night, the leprechaun steals back the gold coin and smashes the guy to death with a pogo stick. So sad, yet so beautiful. The leprechaun has stolen a a little toy car and is speeding around like a little James Dean. He is stopped by the po-po, who only pulled him over because he thought he was black. However, once the cop realized he is a little leprechaun demon from the Irish side of hell, he runs and hides like the fat girl in gym class. The leprechaun finds him and snaps his neck. The group realizes that the Irish bastard just wants his gold back so they try to give him the old man's sack (ha). The leprechaun goes prancing off like a little fairy and counts his gold, realizing that he is one coin short. He has two choices, either wait for the big moron's next bowel movement, or get the coin back leprechaun-style! Meanwhile, our "heroes" are racing over to the old folks home where old man O'Leery is being "cared for." (He is the old man who had the stroke in the beginning.) They sneak past the sleeping guard and into the old man's room, but the leprechaun is one step ahead of them! He chases them down a corridor in a wheelchair, causing outrage from cripples everywhere. They reach safety in an elevator and the real old man O'Leery falls through the ceiling of the elevator (silly I know) and tells them that they can only kill the leprechaun by staying off drugs and getting a good education. No, wait, he just told them to use a four-leafed clover. It's so simple! They race back to the ramshackle house and start searching through the magical ten by ten foot clover patch that has suddenly appeared in the backyard. While they are searching the leprechaun shows up. He starts to slash the big doofus in the face, finally answering my silent prayers to kill that character in the movie. Unfortunately, before he can succeed, the group finds a four-leafed clover and the little kid shoots Mr. Leprechaun in the face with it in a slingshot. The little troll falls down a well and explodes, releasing a cloud of green dust and herpes over the countryside. Fuck the Irish. Ramshackle punch! Warwick Davis (the lovable little guy from Willow) acted his little leprechaun balls off in the movie. I mean it. That was the most turned on by a leprechaun that I have been in a long time. The rest of the actors seemed to realize they were in a crappy killer leprechaun movie and acted in a manner consistent with that understanding. For more on the great Warwick Davis, feel free to visit the following site: http://www.lepconnie.com/ I found the blatant racist undertones in this movie to be refreshing. This movie was one big rollercoaster ride of stereotypes, including hackneyed accents, dancing leprechauns, and a midget on a tricycle. (Come on people, midgets always ride tricycles in movies, it's part of their contracts). |
| 3 Keanus. This movie filled its quota on death scenes and racial slurs, but a titty or two would've helped. (But no leprechaun titties. Keanu hates those.) |
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| Reviewed by Maverick |
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| QUOTES: "Burn in hell, you little green bastard! " "Can you die from swallowing gold?" "Yeah, after I kill you. " "We can't fix Ozzy's brain. " "Hey Lep! Fuck you, Lucky Charms!" |
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