Summary: First, it's important to clear up some confusion about this movie that has been created by a poor marketing decision in my opinion. "Mansquito" aired on the Sci-Fi channel in March 2005. For the home video release, it was then referred to as "The Mosquito Man." Why they did this I cannot say. Everyone clearly knows "Mansquito" is one of the greatest crappy movie titles of all time; it's right up there with "Murdercycle." It is one of those titles that once you hear it, you know you have to see it. "Mansquito" can be rented at your local video store or online rental service as "The Mosquito Man," but it will be henceforth only be called by its true and classic moniker: "Mansquito."
And man, what a squito of a film this is. The Sci-Fi Channel had previously left me slightly disappointed by "Pterodactyl" and slightly depressed by "Hammerhead," but this movie knocked my crappy movie socks off! After a stirring opening monologue by our hero Lt. Tom Randall, we learn that this homicide dick had previously put a murderer behind bars, but that same murderer is being transferred as he speaks to a testing facility, much to Randall's chagrine. Randall is played in crappy fashion by Mr. "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" himself, Corin Nemec. Note: names like 'Corin Nemec' are why actors often adopt stage names. It sounds like it's some backwards word like 'trevrep.'
Now, normally nobody would give a shit if some lab testing was being done on some murderer. I don't even give a fuck if they lambaste some innocent monkey, as long as I don't put untested hygiene products on my person. But the murderer is being sent to a Mosquito Testing Facility (MTS) that is staffed by a supple young doctor named Jennifer, who happens to be Lt. Randall's ladyfriend. At the MTS, they are currently working to create a vaccine for a deadly strand of West Nile virus that will presumably start pwning the world soon. Well the murderer escapes from the police escort and a shoot-out ensues, which destroys the innards of the MTS and gets blue raspberry gusher-juice all over the murderer and to a much lesser degree, Jennifer.
The murderer narrowly escapes the MTS and slowly begins transforming into a mosquito, or a mansquito, if you will. He then kills his old girlfriend quasi unwillingly, because he is mostly man but gradually becoming mosquito. Naturally, the more mosquito, the less he is able to control his actions. He then goes on a rampage, using his large proboscis (the scientific term is 'mouth-cock') to suck the blood out of many many victims, some of which he knew and others of which he did not.
Meanwhile, while still completely human in form, Dr. Jennifer is slowly becoming a femsquito. First she drinks sugary orange juice, then orders a steak very rare, and finally she scratches Lt. Randall's chest during sex and drinks his blood. She becomes turned on by Mansquito's scent and in turn Mansquito has taken strong notice of her. Mansquito attempts to mate with her unsuccessfully and she lands in a hospital. Again, Mansquito comes after her in the hospital, destroying truckloads of cops and SWAT (get it?) team members. Lt. Randall bravely ventures into the hospital and discovers the Mansquito helping himself to a cache of blood samples and donations. In a truly riveting and awe-inspiring scene, Randall raises his grenade launcher and yells out, "Hey... Mansquito!" Just as Mansquito begins to turn around, Randall fires and hits a collection of oxygen tanks, creating a huge explosion and a lasting memory for me.
This was not the absolute end, but it could have been very easily. After this, anything could have happened and I still would've loved "Mansquito." As it turns out, Mansquito survived the BOOM and tracks Lt. Randall and Jennifer to a sewer system. What results is a very amusing physical struggle involving Parker Lewis, a hot chick and a 7-foot tall half-man, half-mosquito. Jennifer eventually takes one for the team, electrocuting herself and the Mansquito to death. Way to pony up, Jen! We come full circle with a somber monologue in which Randall explains he lost the only woman he ever loved. |
