| SUMMARY: Any fans of the Anaheim Angels out there? Well meet Rally Monkey’s cousin, Murder Monkey. Yes siree this is monkey country and all else beware. Allan (John Beghe) is a useful human being turned useless by a truck that paralyzes him. So his friend Dr. Geoffrey (John Pankow, Cousin Ira from Mad About You!) and Melanie (do you care who the actress is?) realize the ira-ny in the situation. Dr. Geoffrey is working on a gene enhancement drug that makes monkeys smart, while Melanie trains monkeys to be helper-monkeys. What a convenient combo! The two buddies hook up Allen and present to him Ella, an experiment in fear, poop throwing, and unpleasantness. Ella and Allen become good friends as all goes well. Allen even begins to imagine himself as Ella during his dreams, introducing a popular theme in crappy movies, the point-of-view cam. But being a cripple with no worth to society has turned Allen into an angry and hostile man, hell-bent on hurting those who hurt him, and since he can’t even pinch-and-roll, Ella becomes his hitman. She begins killing Allen’s unhelpful nurse then torching the house of the doctor who operated on him, who also happens to be having sex with Allen’s ex-girlfriend at the time. Efficient monkey murder. Unfortunately, the doctor is Emmy and Golden Globe winning Stanley Tucci, oh Stanley, how could you? Monkey Shines? If you needed money you could have just asked. But this monkey is not ready to stop. Next target is Allen’s strumpet of a mother. While bathing her son in a sling (it is as disgusting as it sounds) the two get in a screaming match, resulting in some of the most stirring acting moments in cinematic history. Beghe acts his very hardest, producing Heston-esque (see Order, The) moments. The mother walks out on Allen in his pansy sling and takes a bath herself. So naturally Ella drops a hairdryer into the bath and fries her bitch-ass. Some how Allen gets out of the sling and dresses and calls over the cavalry, Dr. Geoffrey and Melanie. Dr. Geoffrey brings over some death serum in a hypodermic needle designed to take the little bastard down. But Ella pulls a fast one on Dr, Geoffrey and ira-dicates him by injecting the poison. Next is Melanie, who gets donged by the monkey, who then proceeds to try to light her on fire. Imagine a monkey trying to light someone on fire while a quadriplegic yells at the top of his lungs at it. Classic. Allen miraculously moves his hand in a show of sheer determination and turns on some music to calm the damn primate down. He then coos the monkey, who jumps onto his master’s lap and snuggles up. BEST SCENE: Allen has tricked the monkey and clamps onto his neck with his mouth violently thrusting back and forth in a Dumpy-Award winning fight scene that breaks the monkey’s neck and tosses it asunder. Make sure to stay tuned for the surprise ending in the operating scene. Rating: This movie shines with funny monkey scenes, entertaining deaths and above all the memorably intense acting by John Beghe. Note: why Monkey Shines? |
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| 3 out of 4 Keanus, awarded directly to the one and only, Stanley Tucci. |
| Reviewed by Merlin |