Summary: If you are anything like me, you're horny all the time and you love seeing grown men in humiliating costumez. To set the record straight, "Rodentz" satisfied me in only one way. To see that goddamn beautiful rat rear up on its hind legz and battle brought tearz to my eyez.
We start off in a high-tech state-of-the-art advanced rodent testing facility (RTF) where a fine young man named Walter is diligently working away mixing dangerous chemicalz such blue, yellow and green. He has been charged with the task of created new chemicalz such as orange by painstakingly combining red and yellow then adding carbonation to give it a cool bubbling effect. Meanwhile, Professor Irwin is chastising Walter for the recent "escape" of some of the lab ratz scheduled for a noon execution. Irwin suspects that Walter had a hand in their disappearance, although Walter vehemently denies it apparently 18 timez. More on that in a bit.
Hush now, it's about time for the killing to begin. First, Irwin's cat Bloopie or something ventures down to the basement and is attacked by some ill-tempered rodentz. Next, the janitor--drunk after drinking the contentz of his tiny hip flask--runs across the ratz and doesn't live to tell the tale. Meanwhile, while the freed ratz in the basement kill someone, the ratz in the RTF cagez somehow sense it and shake with excitement like Muhammad Ali. Professor Irwin goes to investigate the basement disturbancez and is also killed by the feisty pestz. It is funny to watch how the director intercuts between terrified human expressionz and ratz crawling along ledgez and pipez clearly void of murderous thoughtz. Then all of the sudden the ratz are at the victim's feet, then there are two ratz on his neck, then the person is on the ground, dead.
Since finalz are over (finally!), Walter's crew has hopped in a van and cruised on over to the RTF to party (!!). They pass around a bright red bottle that they claim somehow contains tequila and get way too drunk considering they are taking baby swigz of a presumably mixed drink. The crew consists of Matt Leinhart, his girlfriend Chelsea, another jock, a guy with pod-fingers and Alicia, who likes Walter. The crew is checking out Walter's sweet lab, wearing their envy that he gets to work all night at a lab on a Friday after finalz on their sleevez. Who doesn't want to inject ratz with green Gatorade rather than drink red tequila in Matt Leinhart's VW?
Chelsea discovers that one of the rat cagez has been bitten through and the rat inside has taken off in search of a place where there are no catz and the roadz are paved with cheese. Walter sets up a search-and-rescue operation based on sexual need. The couplez Matt Leinhart/Chelsea and Walter/Alicia are desperate to hump so they go off. The jock and Pod-Fingerz are desperate to stimulate orgasmz with their handz so they separate. Per usual, this turns out to be a bad plan. The jock gets it in the basement. Chelsea becomes the first victim of the man in the giant rat costume in the parking lot. Walter and Alicia team back up with Matt Leinhart and Pod-Fingerz, but Leinhart goes the way of his second Heisman and Pod-Fingerz wisely isolates himself from Walter and Alicia. Walter tries triggering the building's alarm, which makes the ratz fight and kill each other for some reason. They make a run for the VW outside and pick up Pod-Fingerz along the way.
But oh fuck, outside next to the VW is the scariest thing you will ever see: a man in a giant rat costume waiting for you, wanting revenge for the hundredz of his rodent brethren you just killed. And most frightening is that the giant rat has begun evolving; he stands proudly on his own two legz. An awesome fight ensues between Walter, Pod-fingerz, Alicia and a man in a giant rat costume that probably cannot see out of the mask. Pod-fingerz gets his arm ripped off (a crappy movie staple) and then his head (a crappy movie treat). Walter and Alicia hop in the van and begin to drive off. But the sprite giant rat jumps up on the roof of the VW as it speeds down the street. It smashes a hole in the roof of the car and reaches for Walter. Sensing an impending car crash, Walter and Alicia bail out, while the rat jumps in through the hole in the roof. This sets up--yes, that's right--a giant rat driving a car! But it is short-lived as the van collides with a parked car and explodes no fewer than four timez.
We end with an ominous shot of a tarantula drinking the green Gatorade, just like I predicted in the beginning. I do want to get back to one thing: if Walter truly did release the test ratz in the beginning as is implied, he is responsible for pretty much everything and should be tried for at least manslaughter like those kids that took the stop sign and caused a fatal accident. |