Summary: Have you even gone out to a bar with your buddies, gotten play, started a bar brawl, ran away, picked up a stranded cop, been chased by a mysterious car, stranded the cop, and been chased by the car again? Well someone did.

This is basically what happens in "Black Cadillac," which supposedly happened to someone on a cold winter night in 1983. We are told this film was based on a true story, and that the writer drew upon these real-life experiences to make the movie. The funniest thing about it is that characters in the film constantly remind each other never to tell anyone else what transpired that fateful night.

We open in the scenic woods of Wisconsin, where 3 friends have gone to a bar in search of the Holy Grail: a human vagina. Our protagonists are a strange group of Minnesotans––there is Robby the dorky underage virgin, Scott the jock from Yale and CJ the morbid punk rocker. Scott decided to take his little brother Robby out to this bar in Wisconsin to get him some action since they are notorious for serving minors (and miners). CJ and Scott go way back despite their differences because they have been childhood friends.

Robby looks up to Scott and this is clear in the early going. Robby gets his first blowjob in a storeroom but it is abbreviated because CJ has picked a fight with some locals. Scott, who had scored with a local girl in the back of his Saab has to step in and end the fight. Both CJ and Scott are able fighters and dispatch the dozens of bar patrons that are much larger and scrappier. But since Scott is a star quarterback at Yale he can do whatever he wants.

The trio takes off in Scott's Saab and head back home. On their way, they see Randy Quaid on the side of the road next to his broken-down police car. It is not immediately clear whether Randy is playing himself or a character. We find out eventually that he is playing a sheriff named Charlie.

Charlie buddies up with the guys and jokes about stuffing girls and ingesting drugs. Suddenly, a mysterious black 1957 Cadillac DeVille begins to follow them, challenging them to race and trying to ram them off the road. This goes on for awhile until they decide that the Caddy wants Charlie, so they abandon him and watch him get shot as they drive away. After spilling Charlie's blood, the Caddy returns to terrorizing the Saab, perhaps because they were witnesses.

Now originally, it seemed that Charlie was either extremely lazy or just a very bad cop. He turned a blind-eye to underage drinking (the bottles are actually O'Douls), drunk driving, illegal street racing and decided against pulling over to assist a broken-down motorist all because he's off-duty. We soon realize that he was being cool with the guys so they would like and trust him. Why? Read on.

Because the chick that Scott cock-slapped at the bar was Charlie's wife. You see, the man driving the Caddy was Charlie's brother, who helped stage Charlie's death and soon it was Charlie behind the wheel chasing the Saab. Instead of killing his wife, he tries to kill Scott. He blames the guy who didn't know she was married instead of the girl who did know she was married. This, coupled with blood thirst and overly complicated planning makes Charlie an even worse cop than we previously believed.

So the Caddy chases the Saab for a while. The friends bicker amongst them selves. CJ gets his legs smashed in and is taken captive. Scott and Robby free CJ, then Scott gets his legs smashed in, etc. etc. In the end they trick Charlie and his brother into driving off a cliff ala "Blood Surf."

This movie had a serious sort of vibe. They actually set stuff up with previous actions by characters and had realistic interactions and emotional conflicts amongst each other. And all that other bullshit. If I want a fucking drama, I'll rent "Terms of Endearment" for christssake.
2 Keanus.  I'm not sure that this movie has the meddle to be a crappy movie. Meanwhile, it was enjoyable making the characters say things they didn't actually say.
Reviewed by Merlin
Hillarious Quotes:

"You're a hero, you just saved my life."                   "Hey, don't get all gay, okay?"

"Now I don't know who that guy was, or why those guys in the Caddy wanted him dead. But I do know that I'm going back to Yale, CJ's hoping a tanker tomorrow, I'm taking my little brother home and we're never gonna say another work about this to anyone."

"When the shit tumbles down you're always in the middle."