| They say that "Evil never tasted so good," (and by they I mean the makers of this "film," Full Moon Pictures) but this movie made me want to shit in my own mouth. I don't know why, I just did. And by just did I mean that I just did feel that way, not that I just did actually shit in my mouth. All right, enough heaping of praise onto "The Gingerdead Man," lets get down to the brutal facts. Most of the important plot information is given to us on the back of the movie box, as with most movies. Unfortunately, this information is not actually given during the movie. Let's start with what we see, and that's a cooky Gary Busey , coked out of his goard and steaming through dialogue as if it were 13 year-old Cambodian pussy. He robs a diner and shoots people for no good reason, which includes but is not limited to the father and brother of our hero, Sarah (Robin Sydney). One newspaper clipping and the back of the box tells us that her testimony leads to his execution. Fast forward some time, and now Sarah runs a local bakery with her mom. One day a mysterious person, we never find out who, but the box said it's Busey's mom, so we'll go with that, leaves a box of "gingerbread seasoning" at the backdoor. I thought gingerbread seasoning is just ginger, but i may be wrong. One of the workers cuts his arm while opening the box and spills a little blood into the seasoning. It is then mixed and thrown into the oven. A little sidetracking now. Busey's character is named Millard Findlemeyer. Now this I don't understand. Why give someone such a complicated name when you're dealing with shitty actors? This problem comes into play on the DVD's blooper real, beyond a doubt the most unfunny collection of bloopers since "Schindler's List." Also, if you are going to give a character an abnormal name, take a page out of the "Jack Frost" school of thought and call him Millard Gingermeyer or something. Continuing on, a terrible storm, that I'll note doesn't seem that terrible or that long-lasting, sends lightning into the oven and transforms the gingerbread into gingerdead! Amos, an emo guy who at times looks like Matt Skiba asks: "Do you have a magic oven?" Therein lies the problem, because the answer is apparently yes. The gingerdead man springs to life: smoking a cookie cigar, constantly changing its scale, bearing the voice of Busey, and murdering. He kills Jimmy Dean (sigh) and his daughter Lorna, Ms. Pretty Face of Waco, maims Sarah's mom and puts her friend in icing, though not seriously injuring her. Sarah's stupid friend/ co-worker steps in and eats the gingerdead man, which made me seriously want to puke. He then becomes the gingerdead man before he is defeated in an entirely unmemorable way. We end with an ironic bake sell. Gag. Can you tell that I suddenly wanted to end this review and get on with my life? |
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| This movie only earns 1 Keanu. It is being cited for misuse of Busey. Even if it has a shitty plot, movies still need to explain this plot and not rely on the back of the box. |
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| Quotes "It sure ain't the Pillsbury fucking doughboy!" |
| Reviewed by Merlin |