Nakedman: June opened up with a gang of Zombie Alien Pirates from the Planet Skaro ate commish head and magically re-made the Steeplechase Arena.
Holy Evil: Hey! That never happened! How would you even know? Your characters had gone inactive by then… what do you know about the UCE in June?
Nakedman: Ah, okay. But Head did diseapear and there was a new Steeplechase Arena.
Holy Evil: Correct. After months of service, Head said his goodbyes to the fed and leadership was passed on to the TWF’s Diamond Danny Destruction. At this time, the finishing touches were being put on the new replacement arena in Coney Island, thanks to the generous funding of Travis Blumpkins.
Nakedman: Diamond Danny Destruction’s first card as UCE commissioner was a Thursday Night Carnage on June 5.
Holy Evil: I wasn’t able to make it to that card, seeing as how I was stuck in Canada, being tortured with Celine Dion music. But my girlfriend Rude Girl was able to take my place and join up with my BRB runner up, Masko de Tequila – now Charles de Tequila – to fight How Sow and Chabbu, who had a bowel movement fixation. Why were they re-hired? Not even God knows why.
Nakedman: Some additions to the UCE in early June include El Mino, Camus and The Rogue, Krispy, and former EiC member Text, who was being stalked by some chick. Nick Bronze headed out the door though, abandoning a tag title.
Holy Evil: Attention Deficit Disorder suffering Death Jr. took on a new identity as “Highland Pizza Dude” early in the month, and wore a kilt and did a chicken dance to prove that he was Scottish.
Nakedman: Yeah, you can’t blame Koopa for killing himself rather than facing that.
Holy Evil: Synful Vixen’s continuing sexual tensions with Lazareth continued, but for now the couple was back on, angering Vixen’s manager Felipe. And this isn’t to mention the fact that interviewer Michelle Sierra has a fetish for rubbing Laz’s nipples.
Nakedman: But do you want to hear about dumb love stories or guys beating each other up? That’s what I thought! Camus and Rogue appeared as the tag team “Adrenaline Rush.” They claimed they had an “X-Factor” that would lead to their victory that month.
Holy Evil: And the whole fed shaked in fear, hoping that crappy Sean Waltman wouldn’t show up!
Nakedman: The System… Rebooted came into play in June. After usurping the AoD’s proper comedy role, there was a vow for a new serious attitude by the guys. But could it hold up? Well, for one, Highland Terror growled a lot to prove he was serious.
Holy Evil: They sure acted serious, and the System had a lot of heat with guys like Sickboy and Camus. In fact, Highland Terror blamed Sickboy for brainwashing former friends such as Krispy to turn against them. Necropus ended up refereeing a UC #1 Contender Match featuring Dan Haven, Sickboy and Camus. It must have been a total coincidence that Dan won that match with his stablemate as special guest referee. After that victory, Dan Haven sat down with reporter Professor D to talk about the new-attitude System. Let’s take a look…
Prof. D: The System decided to go serious this month and forget the zany adventures you all shared in the past. Adventures that endeared you to many UCE fans. Do you believe this new serious style is working for you all?Nakedman: Hrm. Interesting insight. Sickboy, and in turn the Flood, certainly had it out for the System in June. Perhaps Sickboy was still fuming that he lost the UC Title back to Necro early in the month in a non-card match booked by Commish 3D. But being alienated somewhat from the rest of the Flood was Battlestone, who was even booked against his team Corrosion stablemates (Sickboy and Rasputin) when he became trainer and mentor to How Sow and Chabbu. There was something about Ricky Martin and Battlestone too, but I’d rather not get into that. Rest assured, Battlestone was kicked out of another stable… AGAIN!Dan: So far it seems to be working pretty well. I know Stan Daniels is on the verge of getting his Hellraiser title and of course, I've got a world title shot. I think we're being taken a little more seriously as actual competition. I'm just not sure how long the "serious" System can last.
Prof. D: Speaking of competition. This new serious style has made you some new enemies. The New comer from MIA Camus, who blames you for some past discrepancy, and one certain psychotic drunk, Sickboy.
Dan: Camus just can't let go of something's and he blames and me and Necropus. It was partially our fault, but mostly his own. But Sickboy on the other hand... First, I was a little pissed about the whole BMF thing. I let him know I was pissed. And he has to go on and on about how he's a legend and how he's been around for so long. In truth, I'm pretty sure he's just jealous of my youth and skill.
Holy Evil: Moving on… T-Ex, or now “T-Eks,” couldn’t leave Namibia behind and brought a little of it back with them. Austin and Deacon were “Namibian Warriors” and brought a shaman along with them to the UCE. But maybe it was working for them, as Austin did hold onto the National Carnage Title in June. NOT ONLY THAT… but Deacon Kross and Austin Hardy won the National Pride Brawl at Wrasslepalooza, representing Namibia against a score of other more famous and powerful nations. The Wrasslepalooza Event as a whole in June definitely took away a lot of the UCE’s talent throughout the month and led to some sporadic activity.
Nakedman: If that wasn’t enough… then chaos set into the UCE Fed. Commish 3D ended his amazingly short reign as head of the UCE and went bye-bye. Crazy Dubya watched over the fed for a few days until DRW commish and UCE Alum PHILLY FATS was named new UCE commissioner. An office he has held ever since.
Holy Evil: To add to the confusion, reporters B.G. Dummas and Professor D. also vanished!
Nakedman: Upon taking charge, Philly copiously granted all full heat. How generous! And those zany Namibians headed right back to the TSOB fed again, this time going with Battlestone to represent the UCE in the USOB. But none of them won, because Magnifico did!
Holy Evil: With all the upheaval in the fed, the June Atlantis Awards were only released on the OOC Board, so not all the winners have been saved. If further info comes it later we can get a more complete list of winners. But for now what we've got for June is...
Best Angle/Feud: Dan Haven & Sarah Anne vs SickboyNakedman: But that won’t stop me from naming the UCE STARS OF JUNE 2003! They are… *flips a coin*… Deacon Kross and Austin Hardy! Why award two people who refused to let go of last month’s plot and kept running with it? Well, because Serious System blew, that’s why. Especially Serious Necropus. Serious Necropus is just like JMan, only he actually is a lame vampire.
Best Heel: Sickboy
MVP: Necropus
Best Match: Dan (/w Sarah) vs Sickboy
Best Comedic Act: Highland Terror
Best Roleplayer: Necropus
Best Tag Team: Austin Hardy and Deacon Kross (T-"Eks")
Holy Evil: But enough talk of June. Our next topic is the hot, hot month of July!
Nakedman: And we’ll get to that in part two of the spectacular 43rd Annual AoD Kwanzaa Special: UCE YEAR IN REVIEW – 2003. This will cover the last half of the year: July through December… The Philly Fats Era! We’ll also nominate some people and angles for awards in the Best and Worst of 2003! Eat that Rick Reason! That is all COMING SOON!