Torsten and Johanna's Crucial Decision

        There is a hidden story in Torsten's book. You have to read between the lines to learn of it. Because he never could bring himself to come out and write it down, for fear that you would not understand. Here is the story.

        First we need to speak for a moment about Johanna's sister Brynhild. She was an unwed mother, twice. There were two different fathers for her children.  She had no husband to comfort her during her life. Yet she was a gentle soul and people loved her. Read her story in the memoirs page. We surely conclude that Bryhild's situation was somewhat sad. But it was not uncommon in Norway in those days -- and it could have happened to almost any gentle-hearted Norwegian girl as easily as it happened to Brynhild... For all its religiousness the old world could be callous. Beaus would promise to marry, and get a woman pregnant, and then his parents would not allow their son to marry her, saying that she was too immoral for not waiting properly for marriage before having children. So the couple would never marry, and any children born would be fatherless. Not an uncommon situation at all. Now we come to Torsten and Johanna's story.

        Torsten and Johanna were sweethearts. They wanted to marry. They wanted to cross over to America and raise a family in the new world. These were their dreams. They wanted to go together, not separately. Sometimes when the men went to America first, no one ever heard from them again... When Torsten was 25 years old his whole family was ready to go to America. His sisters were already there, working hard and making sufficient money to be able to send tickets to Torsten and his parents to get on a ship and come join them. But there was no ticket for Johanna! What were they to do? Tickets were expensive. They were not married. Should Torsten go to America alone and send for Johanna later? What a drama was unfolding for them! Because Johanna was six months pregnant!

        But their love was true. They would not separate from each other at such a time. They borrowed money from a merchant in town and obtained a ticket for Johanna to come to America too. Then Torsten married Johanna on April 12, 1887. Early in May of 1887 they left for America, sighting the New York skyline on June 5th. Then came the long trip overland by train to Minnesota. Their first son, John Magnus Uglem, was born July 27, 1887, soon after their arrival in Grove City, Minnesota. He was the first of twelve children.

        Why was there no ticket provided for Johanna? In their culture, in those times, the parents made the decision who their children would marry. Torsten's parents probably had not chosen Johanna as the girl who would be Torsten's wife. Otherwise they would have been married, wouldn't they? We are their descendants. We live in America. Most of us know little or nothing about the customs of Norway -- like dowry for instance... We know this: Torsten was the only surviving son of his parents. The only thing that makes sense is that they would want to choose a wife for Torsten who would bring in a nice dowry... Consider for a moment the two families, Torsten's and Johanna's... Every person in Torsten's family, his mother, his father, and his three sisters, all managed to get the money together for passage to America, and they prospered... Now consider Johanna's family. Johanna had seven living siblings: five sisters and two brothers. Neither Johanna's parents nor any of her siblings ever emmigrated to America. Did they have the wherewithal? Perhaps the strongest indicator is Johanna's sister Brynhild who never married and had two children by two different fathers. Could that have happened because Brynhild had no dowry to offer a husband? Could this sort of situation also have become Johanna's fate?

        An old Scandinavian folkstory comes to mind: Three poor sisters could not marry because they had no money for a dowry. To save them from being sold by their father, St. Nick left each of the three sisters gifts of gold coins. One went down the chimney and landed in a pair of shoes that had been left on the hearth. Another went into a window and into a pair of stockings left hanging by the fire to dry. From this old legend we get the custom of stockings hung by the chimney at Christmas...

        So perhaps Torsten's parents were only too willing to leave pregnant Johanna in Norway to fend for herself -- so that Torsten would be free in America, where they would find for him a "more suitable" girl with a large dowry.

        But Torsten and Johanna were truly in love. They would not allow such a heartache to befall them. And so it was that they did manage to get Johanna a ticket to America. How beautiful! How we must thank them for the goodness of their hearts, that their love should mean so much to them. I think it was a great gift that they passed on to us, such a spirit of love.

     My mom has a wonderful sense of humor and a big heart. There is a verse in the scriptures, "get ye first Understanding" which applies to people like her. It is understanding that enables a person to look at all the facets of life and perceive the handiwork of God and then feel happiness inside their heart and an ability to put all things into a kindly and wise perspective. Do you know that there are a great number of people who have multiple college and university degrees who do not have "understanding"? Their minds are full of great quantities of knowledge. But knowledge is not understanding. Understanding comes of God's spirit clarifying things in our hearts. My mom has that. That is what makes her  such a great mom and grandmother and great grandmother. She is much loved.       

        When I was searching for anecdotes for the Uglem website mom came up with a story I had never heard before. Actually it was a story that grandpa McNaughton told my sister Judy after grandma died. You see, while she was alive grandma kept tight reins on any of grandpa's storytelling.  So after grandma was gone grandpa finally felt it was safe to tell Judy a few things. This one is rather an innocuous anecdote. I guess grandma was afraid it would be misunderstood. Simply put, the way grandpa and grandma got married is they waited until Torsten and Johanna were gone for a couple days and they had the house to theirselves and they brought in a minister and got married. Well, if you have read Hylma's book you will know that Hylma and Ike had to elope when they got married because Torsten and Johanna would not approve of Hylma marrying someone who lived so far away, and leaving them to live in North Dakota. It was a bit of a revolution of freethinking in the family. The children rebelled. They were not about to let Torsten and Johanna dictate to them who they should marry.  The new age was dawning but the old age would not go without a fight, or at least a lot of argument.   They simply got married with or without Torsten and Johanna's permission. You know, it probably really got started with Emil. The old family stories say he was in love with a girl who lived near his homestead in North Dakota and Torsten made Emil break it off and come home. This made Emil go nuts, become despondant, even threaten his own father -- which caused Torsten to commit Emil to an institution where he remained the rest of his life. If this is all true, as it probably is, it goes a long way in explaining the rebellion of the other children in the family who watched Emil's tragedy unfold.

       

        I have given a lot of thought to the pressure adults bring to bear upon children today, the recrimination and guilt, the threats, and downright meanness of it all. The elders tend to imply that our ancestors were so beyond reproach, and that the mistakes that today's youth make besmirch the pure and perfect ways of our forebearers. What everyone fails to realize is that life was never really that perfect. Our forebearers had similar tests and tribulations. They fell short of perfection too, like we all do. They struggled. They rose above their problems, prayed, made their peace with God, lived the best lives they knew how, and bequeathed their undying love to us.

        So what I am saying is that it is not right for any of us to maintain a high-handed holier-than-thou attitude towards any other family members who are going through tribulations in their lives. Even Torsten and Johanna had tough decisions to make.  Torsten and Johanna's family did not provide a ticket to America for Johanna -- but they did not allow that to separate them! I have no doubt that Torsten and Johanna prayed to stay together and God heard them and provided a way. They came through, thankfully, and here we are as a result. Now I say to you, learn from this story: when you meet relatives in similar straits, give them your love and your faith and help them on their path.

Thomas Ross Holme