Title: Ain’t That A Drag….

Author: Dawn Muskovitz

Rating: PG

Dedication: To my loverly Leelee

Apologies: To any and all affected by this.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea and I’m not sure I want to be

remembered for this anyway.

Note: This is in response to Leelee’s urging and my own Crazy Crossover

Challenge. This has not been beta read. So I apologize for errors.

          One character from at least two fandoms… check

          Mirror…………………………………………………………. Check

          “It didn’t come with directions.”……………….. check

He stared at himself, long and hard. Took a moment and grinned at his

reflection, which responded in the like manner. “Bloody Narcissist.” Dr.

Frankenfurter hissed from beside him. True, he did fancy himself. But he

was a handsome rogue, why shouldn’t he fancy himself? Surely everyone

fancied him.

“At this rate he’ll never be ready.” Jareth replied from his other side.

“Gilderoy, you better finish up, it’s almost time.”

The three men sat themselves apart from the others in their room, they

were above mingling with those commoners. Faces scrunched up close to

the mirrors in the room, perfecting themselves. The only thing that

separated their space were the hoards of makeup cases splayed on the

counter. Gilderoy had finished with his bases and now needed to tend to

his eyes. Beside him, Frankenfurter was busing himself with lining his

lips.

Softly Gilderoy brushed that soft green powder across his lids.

Cautiously he placed the false lashes next to his own. Meticulously he

filled in the paleness of his lips. Perfect, he needed to be absolutely

perfect.

Jareth sat preening his hair for an unnatural amount of time. Just to be

safe, he did one more thorough spritz of the hairspray. “Jareth, I think

you’ve just killed the remainder of the ozone layer.” Frankenfurter

said, sniggering to himself at Gilderoy fumbled with his nylons.

“I have to be sure.” He replied.

“Honey,” He said, teasing his locks. “A Mack truck couldn’t get through

your hair.” The call came, five minutes until the talent exhibition.

Frankenfurter stood, admiring himself in the slinky red dress. He took

notice of some grey showing up under his arms and took to adjusting the

fabric to cover it.

Gilderoy looked at him, shocked. “Frank, how do you get such a wonderful

figure?”

Jareth snorted what sounded like, “novice.”

“Duct tape.” Frankenfurter replied glancing down at the half used roll

on the floor.

A stage hand peaked backstage to announce that it was time. “Gildy,

you’re on.”

Nervously the wizard crept toward the stage. He was on, it was his turn

to wow the crowd. He would win, he needed to win. “Well,” he said

stepping towards the curtains. “Here I go.”

“Oh he isn’t.” Jareth groaned, hearing a familiar song. He added another

spritz of hairspray for good measure.

“I know.” Frankenfurter agreed. “Why does every drag queen have to sing

It’s Raining Men?”

From the stage they could hear Lockhart belting, “It’s raining men,

Hallelujah it’s raining men…..”

“Dr. Frankenfurter. You’re on in 2 minutes.” The stagehand said. Frank

stood, nodded to Jareth and headed backstage. He shook his head at

Gilderoy. He wasn’t a drag queen. Not even close. He was a wizard in a

dress. That was all. A gay wizard in a dress.

He stepped on stage as the techies pulled Lockhart from the applause. He

took the mic in hand and said, “But after a while I caught on, I mean I

saw what they were hiring. I even swiped my dance card once after an

audition and on a scale of then they gave me: for dance, 10, for looks,

3. Well,” Frankenfurter began strutting around the stage. “Dance 10,

looks 3, and I’m still on unemployment, dancing for my own enjoyment.

That ain’t it kid, that ain’t it kid. Dance 10, looks 3, it’s like to

die. Left the theater and call the doctor for my appointment to buy.

Tits and Ass, bought myself a fancy pair, tightened up the derrière.”

Jareth laughed at the song. How appropriate for Frankenfurter to choose

to sing. He peeked around the curtain and saw his love sitting in the

front row. No matter what, if he won or not, Teddy would still love him.

But wait, who was sitting next to him. “Bloody hell.” He cursed

recognizing the listian sitting next to his love. Essy. Surely she would

have some diabolical plan for his downfall. Something that would force

him to lose. Next to her was Leelee, then Dawn. Then Jade and all the

others.

He would simply have to do his best. The listians would never let him

live it down anyway. So he did, Jareth sang his best rendition of Elton

John’s Your Song, for his love. Teddy smiled the best he could for

having a mechanical jaw.

Then the crowing came. Who would win, Miss Fandomonium? “In third place,

only because he’s so damn cute……… Gilderoy Lockhart.” Gilderoy began to

cry. He hadn’t won. He hadn’t even come close. For the first time in his

life, he was not the prettiest one. Leelee lifted her camera high, to be

sure she got photos for blackmail. Photos of the weeping drag Lockhart.

She was sure they would fetch a pretty penny on EBAY.

“In second place, for the best hair ever, Jareth the Goblin King.”

Jareth looked disheartened. He had planned on winning. He looked to

Teddy for comfort and found none. In fact, Teddy’s eyes were closed. Why

wasn’t he paying attention? Then he noticed why. With an evil grin in

her eyes, Essy traced circles on the bear’s upper thigh. “You HUSSY!”

Jareth screamed, and ran off stage. Leelee nodded to Dawn, indicating

that she had gotten some good pics of Jareth as well.

“And in first place, for the best overall, your new Miss Fandomonium.

Dr. Frankenfurter!” Everyone, including the listians stood and cheered

him on. This was the perfect end to a perfect competition.