Title: Can the Man

Author: Leelee

Summary: I was fed up with Spam on the lists, and this ensued.

Deep in the castle at the center of the Labyrinth maze, the Goblin King lay in a peaceful slumber. His chest (and one of his many Jerry Lewis tattoos) rose and fell in a harmonious rhythm. He was also snoring like an ox in heat.

*CRASH*

"Wha? Who's there? Mommy? Frankie?" Jareth awoke at the loud noise downstairs.

*CRASH* *THUMP*

"EEK!" he squealed like a school boy seeing his first Playboy. "My antique toilet collection! Someone must be trying to steal it!"

Jareth tore off his sheets and raced down the stairs, not noticing that in his haste to tear off the sheets, he also tore off his boxers.

*THUMP* *THUMP*

"Whoever is in my castle shall pay for trespassing!" he vowed, "Right, Jerry?" he asked, lovingly caressing the face of Jerry Lewis on his thigh. He threw open the door to the room where the noises were coming from.

"Oh, the horror!" he cried.

*THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *THUMP* *CRASH*

Cans, cans everywhere he looked! Jareth turned tail and fled, hoping to escape the horde of demonic visitors to his Labyrinthine domain.

He raced up the stairs (pausing for a brief moment to bow his head in front of his shrine to Bea Arthur) and ran to his room, cowering under the covers.

*THUMP**THUMP**THUMP**THUMP*

They were coming closer!

"They're going to get me! Not even Michael Jackson can save me now!"

*THUMPTHUMPTHUMP*

Jareth peeked his head out from under the blankets. He screamed in horror, for the cans were upon him. He clawed at his face as his vision was filled by the identical labels on every can he saw . . .

. . . SPAM.