Title: Begin Again

Author : Jade

Don't ask where it came from.  I've learned not to question such trivial
little things.  Again, you can blame Gemma for this making it to the list.
 She's quite the persistant one, isn't she? Oh and Selah wouldn't let me
delete it, so you can blame her too. *g* Let's see... who else could I
blame? lol  kidding. 

If this turns into something more, it won't be this century! lol Though
it's mildly depressing, I hope there is the slightest little bit that
catches your attention if only for the briefest of moments.  Thanks!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she stared blankly into the darkness. 
Dropping her head in her hands, her heart full of grief, she knew she had
been betrayed.  She knew he'd left her.  Deep down she knew it was her own
fault.  Tears slid silently down her cheeks as she came to the realization
that she just wasn't meant to be here like this.  

Wiping the salty wetness from her face, she stood up on shaky legs, not
sure what she was doing.  Walking unsteadily toward the window, her
reflection playing on the smooth surface, she couldn't smile.  There
wasn't anything left in her to smile about.  No more laughter, no more
pain; she wouldn't let anyone near her again.  Making a pact then and
there, she threw open the sliding door and stepped out onto the balcony,
the wind whipping at her hair.

"I loved him," she whispered into the night air, her sad face looking out
across the sky lit by the glittering lights of the city below.  Reaching
out a thin hand, she wrapped her fingers around the bar and stood there as
though a million miles away.  Her eyes still wet with tears, she leaned on
the bannister and looked to the pavement below.  

"Such an easy way out," she whispered, her hand tightening around the
metal.  Her eyes once again flitted across the lights that called out to
her; begging her to come out and play.  No more would she care for the
adventurous night life of the city; no more would she cave in and follow
other's rules.  

"So I'm quiet..." she murmured, her dark eyes betraying her emotions all
too easily.  "They don't know me," she said quietly, hoping for one second
that it wasn't true.  But alas, she never let them close enough to care;
close enough to feel their livelihood.  "I'm so alone."

A knock at the door took her concentration away, as she slowly walked back
inside, her skin cold as ice.  Opening the door slowly, a small smile
crossed her lips but that soon faded, as does all things.  Glancing down
to see a letter at her feet, she slowly picked it up; her mind curious
about where it came from.

Closing the door softly, she ran her nail beneath the flap, opening it
slowly for fear of what she'd find.  Pulling out the slip of paper, the
fine black writing almost hauntingly chilling stared back at her.  The
paper fell silently to the floor, her heart pounding in her chest.  She
had nowhere to go.  They'd find her here most definitely, and they'd try
to change her mind.

‘Pity they aren't fast enough,' she thought silently, walking back toward
the open window.   Her image in the mirror caught her attention.  Her tear
stained face looked back with red sorrowful eyes.  Was this all that she'd
become?  This detestable creature that loathed existence? Was there
nothing more?

Her feet padded softly across the plush carpet, her mind full of dizzying
thoughts as she stood silently observing her reflection.  The longer she
studied, the more amazed she became; she longed for knowing and
understanding.  Her face slowly faded, twirling and spinning into a
thousand colors; each becoming one of her friends that she couldn't dare
run from.  They were her sense among everything and yet where were they
now?  

Closing her eyes to the brutal realization that she was so desperate to
avoid, she heard the door open behind her as soft footsteps filled the
room.  Not daring to turn around, she knew they had come after all.  She
didn't know if she wanted to be thankful or sad, given the idea that
previously filled her mind with intent.  

A hand on her shoulder, light and graceful made her take note of their
presence.  Turning around slowly, a pair of blue-grey eyes looked back, a
soft smile lighting the face.  Glancing around, they were all there. 
Those who said they loved her, those who she trusted implicitly; there and
ready to lend an ear and their hearts.  With open arms they welcomed her
back from the point of darkness to which she had fallen prey; the victim
of a harsh reality.  They would soothe her troubled mind with their own,
helping her along the way to discover just what life was all about and how
much she meant.  

Though she would never truly admit it, she knew deep down they were all
right.   Glancing at the window she remembered her words...'such an easy
way out'.  Though it might seem that way, she knew life was never easy,
and if it was... you weren't living.  With a smile, she closed the door,
cutting off the freezing wind; ready to begin again. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~