There was this cave by the lake I used to go to as a child to escape my brother's torments. I fled there now. Only two knew that I would go there. Strife being one, he helped me discover it in the first place, and Cupid. I would have gone home, but I decided it was time to be alone. I was trying desperately to figure everything out. Why didn't I care that it was over? My first relationship, and in my mind, my last. I was wallowing in my self-defeat. Who would want me after Apollo?

Thunder crashed but there wasn't a cloud in the night sky. Apparently, Strife had told Dad. Not that he was ratting on me, but it was just one of those things that a father should know. As if the evening hadn't been interesting enough. That was another thing that bothered me. I treated Strife with utmost disrespect. I had screamed at him, slapped him, humiliated him and yet he was still there to save my ass. What the hell was wrong with him? Was he a glutton for punishment or what? To top it off he's now sleeping with one of my friends. Sure I made that comment to him but I never really thought he would go and do it. In four and a half years he went from someone I understood to a guy I needed a manual for.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. I just skipped a rock on the water. "I'm sorry to bother you but there is some urgency involved." I looked up at Cupid. "Your father is ransacking our temple."

"Could this day get any worse?" I snarled.

"Now, Ares, be civil." Mom reasoned pulling a vase from his hands. Hephestus snuck up on him from behind bearing restraints and a chair. Daddy was briefly distracted when Cupid and I appeared, just long enough for mom to shove him back and order, "NOW!" Click. That was all it took. Hephestus sighed now that the infuriated war god was properly contained.

"Let me go!" Ares snarled.

Heph patted him on the shoulder. "No can do, bro. I don't have the time to rebuild this place after you destroy it." For once, he was in control and he definitely was going to take advantage of it now. He always seemed so depressed to me, so involved in self-defeat. I think he needed the confidence boost. Besides, he knew well that he was the only one able to let Ares loose.

Daddy opened his mouth to speak, I quickly interrupted. "Save your lecture for someone who needs it. I think I've suffered enough for one day."

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to go in the first place."

"Daddy, stop already." I looked straight into his eyes. "I need to learn things on my own. Mistakes are the only true way to learn."

Mom smiled. "That was like so deep."

"I know." I laughed. I swear if I had a movie counterpart in today's world. It would have to be Cher Horowitz from Clueless.

"No.." He argued.

This time Mom interrupted him. "Oh Ares, wear bigger pants already. I swear the only time you are at all agreeable is when you are naked."

"Um, ew." There are certain things in this world a girl just does not want to know about her parents. This definitely fell under that category.

Daddy looked up at her. "Was that an invitation?"

"Bad Ares." Hephestus whacked him across the head. I had to laugh. This definitely was a change for him. Mom sure enjoyed this surge of empowerment on his part. "Oh Hephy, what's come over you. You're so.. so dominant."

"You like that, huh?"

She nodded seductively.

"Um, I'll be leaving now." Like I wanted to watch any of this.

Cupid groaned. "Mom, in the name of all things sacred.." Mom giggled as her and Heph vanished.

Dad remained restrained. "Hello! Hephestus! God of War, locked in a chair." We just ignored him.

"Well at least someone's getting laid."

"Aw," I cooed. "No nookie for Cupie?"

"Hey," he looked at me straight on, "When the red tide comes in, no sailors go to sea."

My eyes widened. "Too much information."

~~@~~

Dad got his revenge on Apollo in his own way. Deimos and Phobos were sent on a mission incognito. They somehow convinced 'Golden Boy's' son Asclepius to raise a mortal girl from the dead. I don't know how they did it, but I know they succeeded. How do I know? Well, Hades hates losing subjects and all so naturally he went and bitched to Zeus who fried the boy bolt-wise. Apollo was pretty pissed off. He knew 'those damned war gods' were behind it somehow, but he had no proof. Besides, what was he going to do? "Daddy I want my mortal son back." Whatever.

"You don't seem upset by this whole breakup at all." Aria said. A few days had gone by. Apollo was wrong. I still had many acquaintances.

The grass by the lake was soft this time of year. "I'm not. He was totally not worth my time."

She laughed. "You know, you are the only girl I know, mortal or otherwise, who doesn't want a piece of his meat."

"I had no desire to sleep with him. None. Zippo, Zilch."

"You're crazy, he's totally hot."

I looked over at her and sighed. "You don't understand, you see, Mom always made it sound like this wonderful thing that you only did when you really cared about someone."

"Oh give me a break." Aria laughed. "Like your mother is the picture of monogamy."

"Shut up!"

"Deny it." She challenged.

"Well ok you win." I really couldn't deny the fact that nearly all of Greece had either seen mom naked or slept with her. I assumed it was the curse of being who she was.

"What about you?" I asked.

"What about me?"

"How was it?"

"Oh." She half-smiled. "It was like.. wow."

I frowned. "Really?"

"Yeah, he's like awesome." Aria started teasing a bee the buzzed nearby.

"What's your basis for comparison?" I scoffed.

She looked at me. "You don't need one. When it's good, you know it's good."

I was quite for a moment. "So have you.."

"More than once? No."

I was confused. If it was good then why didn't she want it more? "Why?"

She shrugged. "Cuz I don't love him?"

Silently I was thrilled. "Well then..?"

"It was total casual, meaningless, really good sex." She laughed. "Just trying to gain some experience so that when I find that totally perfect hunk of man, I can 'blow' his mind."

I threw a chunk of grass at her. "You little harlot."

We both paused. "So," Aria asked. "What about you two? I thought you guys were big buddies."

"Were being the key word at use here." I sighed. "Used to be. We don't talk anymore. That's mostly my fault." I hadn't shared with anyone, so this was new. It was nice to have someone, another girl, to confess to. I told her how guilty I felt for being such a bitch. "And besides, he has Discord now."

"Oh my god." She gasped sitting up. "I can't believe I didn't notice it before."

"What?" I touched my face, my hair, something had to be out of place. "Is there something in my teeth?"

She smiled. "You are incredibly taken by him aren't you?"

I was defensive. "I am not!"

"You are too."

"I am so NOT taken by him."

She laughed at me. "You love him, admit it. You want to have like a million of his babies."

"I will not admit to something that ridiculous. Come on, this is Strife we are talking about."

"Exactly," Aria laughed. "Your little playmate." I crossed my arms and growled. How further from the truth could she get. "Look at you." She laughed even harder at my scrunched up face. "So defensive. You know, if I was wrong you wouldn't have gotten all uppity."

I was angry. How dare she accuse me of such things.

~~~~~~~~

Bacchanalia

What you mortals now call Halloween or, All Hallow's Eve. I only chose to participate in this festival once. It was more than enough, believe me. Bacchus may only have had parties once a year, but they were the biggest and most elaborate of any. Anyone, mortal or immortal could attend the celebration. And contrary to popular belief it was the only night when all were safe from the Bacchae. So mortals could enjoy and worship our beloved party god with no fear, that is, until midnight, then all hell broke loose.

Choice gods and immortals received formal invites from Bacchus, receiving special attention during the celebration. The 'special attention' consisted of better food and drinks; especially access to the fiercely protected ambrosia wine created by Bacchus himself. The only wine known to drunken and immortal. It was rumored around Olympus that the fates themselves OD'd on the intoxicant.

I was flattered to receive an invite. The only thing that truly threw me was that I knew I couldn't go alone. Not that I couldn't go alone, but then I would look like no one wanted me, which was exactly what Apollo wanted. I was determined to prove to him that I was still popular and that I didn't need the likes of him

"Well, I'm taking Phoenix." Aria announced.

"But he's mortal."

She shrugged. "So, he's hot, that's all that counts." I shook my head. In my mind I was running through who was left: Cadmus, nope, he's mortal and at war right now. I sure as hell wasn't going to take one of my brothers, that was just gross. "Take Strife." She insisted.

"For the last time, I don't."

Aria interrupted me, " Oh save it. Nothing will get Apollo's panties in a twist more than you showing up with the god he hates most." I had to smile. I knew she was right, for once. Unfortunately, this was gonna require a touch of my devious side to get him to agree.

I was sitting next to Daddy and started zapping his clothes to see what my victim would appear best in. "Hey, hey, hey! Harm whaddya doin?" Strife complained.

I smiled innocently. "Deciding what you are going to wear to Bacchanailia." A putrid blue number materialized as Daddy and I simultaneously gagged. I looked at my finger confused. "Where in the name of Hades' sweet Persephone did that come from?"

"Change it quick before I vomit." Dad ordered. It was really nasty; it reminds me of something the BeeGee's would wear. The situation was quickly resolved and he was dressed as before.

"Hello?" Strife complained.

Daddy leaned over, "How about that black and silver thing of his?"

"The velvety one?" I asked. Zapping again, I smiled. "Hey I like that."

"Um HELLO! Earth to Harm and Unc." We finally realized he was talking to us. "What makes you think I'm going?"

"Cuz I said so." I stood up and walked over to him. "And you're my date."

"I am?" He was genuinely confused. Who can blame the guy, three days ago I wasn't even talking to him.

I laughed. "I can't go alone, you silly goose. If I do, then he wins."

"And I can't have that." Daddy chimed in. I had told him about my plan beforehand. It didn't take much more than 'piss off Apollo' and he was all for it.

Strife crossed his arms. "And what if I don't want to go?"

"What? Are you saying that you are too good to take out my little Angel?"

"You planned this." Strife growled through his teeth.

"You know it." I smiled as sweetly as possible. "Come on, it's just one night."

"And the annoying, horney little nymph?"

"She's going with Phoenix."

"Phoenix?"

I sighed. "Flaming red hair, green eyes, nicely built, sickly white skin . Cadmus' brother. Ring any bells?"

He nodded. I could see in Strife's eyes that he was slowly caving. "And what do I get out of this?"

"The satisfaction of really pissing off Apollo, and making your favorite cousin look good." I batted my eyes and pouted.

"Oh no. Not the puppy face." I pushed that lip out as far as it would go. "Fine," he groaned. "Just stop it with the face already." Yeah, I won.

~~@~~

It was crazy, as it was every year. We entered into a swarm of, "Oh, Harmonia, we're so sorry about what happened?" I just smiled and said everything was fine. Which it was. Until I saw them. Maybe I was a little sad about the break-up after all.

"You ok?" Strife asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I saw Apollo swiftly running over. This was going to be fun. "Oh, shit." I cursed.

"Oh, here comes Too Tan and his Hemorrhoid."

I had to laugh. Looking at that insane smile on his face was enough to calm me. It would be ok. He was staring at the peculiar shape of Iris' hair. Chunks of it were stuck together and slicked back.

"Keeping it all in the family now I see?" Iris snarled to me. The white sparkles in her hair caught my eye.

Strife couldn't resist, I could tell. "Keeping it all in your hair?" He asked. "There's a two for one. Gel and birth control."

I tried to contain my laugh but it was impossible. "Come on now," Apollo asked. "Tell me you aren't really here with this loser are you?"

Strife had definitely boosted my confidence this evening. "Well, the only loser I see would be you. And since we are no longer, then I'd have to say.. No, I'm not with a loser this evening."

I felt Bacchus' hand on my shoulder. "Now you four play nice tonight." He warned. "I won't put up with your shit again this year." His eyes were on Apollo.

"No problem." I grabbed Strife's hand and pulled him away.

I was safe again until Aria ran into me. She smiled, elbowed me, made a kissy face, winked and walk away. Strife noticed. "What was that all about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Absolutely nothing. I think nympho's ponytail is too tight."

"Nympho? Good nickname. It works in so many ways."

Now, I know Strife had warned me too take it easy, but what the hell did I care. I just downed drink after drink after drink of Bacchus' special ambrosia wine. During a brief moment in the evening I looked up at him and for a split second I thought, you know, he's kinda cute. I figured it was only the alcohol talking, and I decided I had had enough. In my attempt to set the glass down

I hobbled into him. Too late. I was already drunk.

~~~~~

What would Freud say?

I'm first going to rid everyone of the misconception that gods cannot become intoxicated. We can. Oh believe me we can. Most of us choose not to repeat after the first time. Another misconception is that we do not get hungover. Wrong. Oh, we feel it like any mortal might. It feels as close as death as possible to us since illness is never normally experienced. I do wish I would experience one of those black out stupors you mortals frequently get. There are many things I am ashamed of. I prefer to not remember my intoxicated behavior, but unfortunately, I do.

Three sheets to the wind, I hobbled along the road to mom's. We had tried returning me there with our powers with little success. I would simply need an escort. I hung off his arm as the fermented ambrosia coursing through my veins made me not only tipsy, but amorous as well. I never really thought the day would come when I would literally throw myself at him. Well, here that day was and he wouldn't take. Every insistant advance was pushed away with a sigh or "No, not like this."

Deimos followed us for his own amusement. It was his alone. He always was a pain in the ass like that. "What's wrong with you?" He whispered to Strife. "Nab a piece of ass already. Women don't fight as much when they're drunk."

"That's because you can't get laid when they're sober." I stopped walking and stared forward.

"Fine, if you won't, I will." Deimos grabbed around my waist. "Come to papa "

"Sick dude. She's your sister."

Rather half-assed my arms flew around his neck and my mouth to his. Deimos eagerly responded. When his lips trailed to my neck the next thing that happened would make relations between me and my cousin temporarily awkward. My lips parted and the two words that sent a look of pure astonishment upon his face were uttered, "Oh, Strife."

"Well, well, well." Deimos smiled. "What have we here?"

Strife was instantly embarrassed beyond belief. "Come on, Deimos. Cut it out." Deimos kissed me again. "She's gonna kick your ass when she sobers up." He shoved the blond counterpart away.

~@~@~@~@~

I must have passed out because I remember nothing after that point. I know I was furious the next morning. I forced myself to vomit a few times in an attempt to remove any possible trace of my brother's saliva in my system. I was relatively hung over and stumbled back over to my bed. Strife must have dragged me back the night before since I saw a small bottle and a note: "If you are anything like Uncle Ares you are probably feeling pretty shitty right now. Take this, a sure cure." It was nasty, but I obeyed. I laid back, waiting to feel better, remembering the evening before.

Deimos. As soon as I felt well enough to move I was on a mission. He was relatively easy to find, slinking around Daddy's temple. I said nothing, just ran up and punched him, HARD. "I see last night was as good for you as it was for me." I now nothing else happened but he just pushed me over the edge with implying that it had. I picked him up and threw him into the wall.

Strife appeared, laughing as I beat the hell out of Deimy. "I told you she'd kick your ass."

All of the commotion must have drawn Daddy's attention because he showed up next to Strife inquiring as to "what the hell was going on?"

"Nuthin much, Unc. He just got on the wrong nerve."

Deimos saw Ares and whimpered lightly. "Dad, help me."

Ares laughed. "Didn't I tell you that one day she would be able to kick your ass?" They just sat there observing quietly until I accidentally knocked down a statue. "Ok now. That's enough you two." I kept at it. "Harmonia, I said that's enough. Let him be." I still ignored him. Daddy came up and grabbed me from behind, holding me back. "That's enough."

I huffed and spit at my sibling who laid pathetically on the floor. My eyes met with Strife's and he stopped laughing. There was an awkward silence. "I didn't mean ."

"I know." He replied quickly.

I was suddenly very uncomfortable and did what I did best in situations as such. I ran away from it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Note: added disclaimer - "Break Me" is property of Jewel Kilcher. I am making no money off of it's use.

Confessions

I sat down along a riverbed and dangled my legs in the water. I thought about the last tidbit of advice my eldest brother left me with, "Think of why you care.." Why did I care? Why did my slip of the tongue from the previous night leave me so uncomfortable? I scryed the water for answers. Imhotep had taught me to scry. He called it a way to look into the unconscious mind. In the water I saw the last thing I wanted to see. I saw the one who protected me, or rather attempted to protect me from any harm that might come my way. The one who could make me laugh without really trying.

Stupid water. I kicked the circle where the vision had appeared. "Hey sis." I heard from behind me. I said nothing more than, "Hey" in return when I saw the winged shadow. "You're looking kinda,"

"Bummed, I know." I interrupted.

He sat down next to me. "Care to chat with your older and wiser brother?"

I looked at him. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded. "Of course. You know that."

I thought for a moment. "How did you. I mean.. How did you know you loved Psyche?" It seemed an innocent enough question.

"I just knew. That's how those things work." Cupid smiled. "That is of course I have an arrow aimed your way." He pulled a mock arrow at me and let it go. "Twang." He joked making the sound of a bow string.

I laughed and pushed him away. "Don't even think about letting one of things loose at me."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He was suddenly serious again. "You know. It's not all the arrows. They are really only meant to help along what fate intended. It's all very complicated. Even Mom doesn't know it as well as she wishes she did."

I sighed. "That's not at all comforting. To think that the experts don't consider themselves experts at all."

"Sorry." He laughed. "That doesn't me we don't know what's going on." Cupid's smile was sincere. "We know more than you might think. Everything happens in good time." He stood to leave.

I looked up at him. "I'm just so confused."

"You'll figure it out. I have good faith in you." And he was gone.

I laid there for most of the day, guitar in hand. It was the most useful gift I had ever received. I made a mental not to thank him properly someday. It always helped me think. Evening was quickly falling on the horizon when Strife came to me.

He stood behind me, silent for what seemed like an hour but was probably closer to a few minutes. I said nothing, setting my guitar aside and allowing the awkwardness to consume me. I was afraid to even look upon him. I heard the grass crunch quietly as he approached. Strife sighed. "Ok, I'm tired of this. It's too quiet and it's driving me nuts." He picked up the instrument from where I laid it and sat beside me. He handed it to me. "Play a song." I looked at him, confused. "For me?" He urged.

"Um, ok." I sat there for a moment before doing anything.

"I will meet you, in some place.

Where the light lends itself to soft repose.

I will let you, undress me

But I warn you, I have thorns like any rose.

And you could hurt me with your bare hand

You could hurt me with the sharp end of what you say

But I'm lost to you now and there's not amount of reason

That could save me..

So break me, take me

Just let me feel your arms again.

Break me, I'll let you make me

Just let me feel your love again.

Feels like being underwater

Now that I've let go and lost control

Water kisses fill my mouth

Water fills my soul

So break me, take me

Just let me feel your arms again

Take me, I'll let you make me

Just let me feels your love again.

Kiss me once or maybe twice

Oh, it never felt so nice.

So break me, take me

Let me feel your arms again

Break me, I'll let you make me

Just let me feel your love again."

There was silence again. "Beautiful." There was a tone in his voice I had never heard before. I was suddenly scared, terribly scared. I tried to use my powers to run, as I always have when situations got too weird. But no dice, the guitar vanished. I heard my own voice in my head saying, 'Oh no you don't. You're sticking this one out.'

There were butterflies in my stomach that greatly intensified when I suddenly felt his hand on my cheek. "Just as you are." I panicked. I felt my pulse race and I began to breathe heavy. His hand turned my head to face him. 'Relax,' the voices said. 'He's not going to hurt you. Breathe Harm, breathe.'

Avoiding eye contact was impossible, he made sure of that. In his eyes I saw moments of my life replaying themselves. The flower circlet, laughing with him, everything we had done together. My jealousy of Aria and the things she said. Even the little things, I began to see the that twinkle he got in his eye, the mischievous smile that told you he was up to something, even that look of utter confusion. My breathing slowed but my heartbeat continued to race. 'Now do you understand?' The voice said. I suddenly realized the truth that I had been avoiding for the longest time. At that very second I began to cry, uncontrollably.

Strife was suddenly alarmed. "What's wrong?" He stared with that confused look I had found adorable for so long. "Was it something I said?" At that moment I fell into his arms. I wrapped my arms around and held him close. My conscious mind was so relieved to finally have the truth out. The way he held me told me that he felt the same. As my hysterics eased I sat up and looked in his eyes.

His hand wiped a single tear lingering on my cheek away. "Don't cry."

"Deep down I always ."

Strife cut me off. "Shh." He put his finger to my lips. I don't know how long we lingered there, gazing at one another before it just happened. I felt my body slowly being pushed forward Then, suddenly, our lips met. I had never felt anything so magical, so incredibly perfect in my life. As the embrace continued my body relaxed, electricity tingled through every inch of my flesh.

The sky shone black when we finally parted. His body laid back against the grass. I followed laying my head on his chest, my arms wrapped around him, and there, I fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Afterglow

I awoke in a better mood than I ever had been before. I felt wonderful, free. With daylight casting down we had to part ways quickly knowing there would be serious repercussions if Daddy found out. Everything and anything had to be done with the utmost of secrecy. Ares was not known for his understanding nature.

I was floating amongst the clouds, waltzing around the road to Mother's closest temple. I was only really hoping to find my brother there, to share in my joy. A brother I found there, but not the one I had hoped. As I appeared in the temple mom and Anteros stood there looking impatient. "Well it's about damn time." She said to me.

"What?" I replied. Where the hell was the one sibling I really wanted to see?

Dite was pouting. "You weren't even going to tell us were you?" Mom looked genuinely hurt. "Don't you value our mother - daughter relationship." I didn't even get a chance to answer.

"Oh honestly, Mother." Cupid's voice filled the room before he actually made himself visible. "Give her more credit than that."

She stormed up to him. "Easy for you to say. She was running off to find you."

"Harm would have told you," He joked. "Eventually. Right, Harm?"

I was completely confused. "Huh?"

"You're little affair last night." Anteros smiled. "With oh.. what's-his-name." He was teasing. That much was obvious. "Tall, pale, black hair. I think you know him." Cupid glared at him to quit playing.

"You watched me?" I accused.

"Nah. We knew it was going to happen."

"YOU KNEW?!"

"Duh." Mom smiled. "We've known since you were born. But,"

"Apollo sort of screwed up the scheme of things." Cupid interrupted. "So I had to intervene."

"So everything you told me.."

"I told you whatever you needed to hear. The same thing I did to Strife."

I was embarrassed. To think that everyone knew but me. I suddenly felt like a moron.

"Oh you knew." He patted my shoulder. "You were just in complete denial."

"It was the sweetest thing I ever saw."

My eyes widened glaring at my mother. "You did watch me!"

"Well, maybe, kinda…" She stuttered. "Ok Fine I DID. So what? I had to make sure you were heading in the right direction." She smiled. "And from the looks of things I should say you are." I could feel my face flush scarlet and I started to leave. Just before I reached the door I heard her call after me, "Honey, don't let your father find out." Yeah like I was that stupid.

~@~@~

"Harmonia." Daddy came to me on an early summer morning. "You're going to Egypt." I scrunched up my face to ask 'why?' "You need to find Cadmus and bring him back here."

"Wait." I shook my head. "I thought he was off fighting for you."

"He was." He rolled his eyes. "But apparently family is more important and he got sidetracked searching for some sister that is most likely dead anyway." I shook my head lightly in a 'that's all' fashion. "And Caesar's nosing around. I want to know what he's up to."

Sometimes my dad confused me more that he didn't. "Why don't you just do your zappy thing and get it over with?"

He sighed. "You young gods and getting everything done so quickly." He paced. "This needs to be done carefully. You know the area and how to sneak around. Caesar's funny, whether I appear or not, he'll know I'm there. You both can leave today."

"Both?" I was seriously hoping he wasn't going to send Deimos with me. Dad had been doing that a lot. Apparently since he knew I could defend myself with him, all was well. Wrong. I may have earned some respect from Deimos, but we still spent more time bickering than actually working on dad's dirty work.

Luckily it wasn't. It was a month since the episode by the river and sadly I hadn't gotten to see much of my cousin since then. He was always sent off with Discord while I was stuck with the sibs. I had not yet been sent anywhere where I was expected to do some serious damage, I think Dad was trying to protect my innocence or whatever. The best thing was bring Cadmus back required a personal escort. Dad was afraid Athena would send him on a wild goose chase again. I never did learn why he wanted him in the first place. That means that it could be weeks of time without the rest of the family breathing down our backs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disclaimer: In first message... also, i realize I am butchering the historical timeline with all this.. but hell, if Ren. Pictures can do it for two globally watched shows i can do it in one lowsy fic.

Memoirs 17

No, not Tennessee

"It's hot." Strife complained, fanning himself. We had taken the short route to Egypt, using powers to get there and were still invisible to the people around us.

"Oh waah." I mocked. "This is still by the Nile, wait till we get in the desert. Here," I gave him a more traditional garment and sandals. "This will help with the heat. Leather is terrible here." I had already done the same. I walked over toward a man with a few horses and bargained for purchase.

"Whaddya doin'?" Strife came up behind me.

I snuck around side a man and stole his gold pouch. My previous times in Egypt made me a rather decent thief. I never got caught. "Getting horses. You didn't honestly think we can use our powers for travel here did you?" He nodded. "This isn't Greece honey. You want to start a continental panic… do something that shows you're immortal." His maniacal grin told me didn't find it such a bad idea. "No." I handed the man with the horses the gold pouch and walked away with reins in my fingers. "Besides, how would we find Cadmus if we don't travel amongst the people?" Strife followed suit as I mounted the horse and started off. "It's a good half days' ride to Memphis from Alexandria. But I'm planning on stopping in Thebes for a break."

"Uh, Harm?" He rode up beside me. "We're in the wrong country for Thebes."

"No.." I laughed. "Egyptian Thebes."

We ended up running into Cadmus there, and sadly, he recognized me instantly. He insisted on coming with us to Memphis to meet with Pharaoh and observe the whole Caesar situation. I had rather been hoping he wouldn't have wanted to. I was afraid his presence would dampen the alone time I got to spend with my cousin.

The afternoon was beginning to grow chilly when we rode into Memphis. The capital was crawling with Romans. Caesar must have arrived or was soon to be since his soldiers were everywhere. This visit was a harmless one. He did no damage to Egypt until Cleopatra was queen.

Pharaoh welcomed us with open arms. "The daughter of AmonRe is always welcome in my home." His Arabic accent was heavy against the Greek he spoke.

I laughed. "Ptolomy, I am not the daughter of AmonRe. I'm not even Egyptian."

"I know that, you know that, and I'm sure your companions know that." His arm wrapped around my shoulder to lead us deeper into the palace. "But the great AmonRe took you under his wing as his own. That is enough for me. Family is not bound by blood."

We walked past a group of slave girls, scantily clad. They were most likely used for Pharaoh's personal amusement. They bowed low and I noticed Strife staring. A quick jab in the gut by yours truly solved that rather quickly. "What brings you back?"

I sighed. Ptolomy would be on my side; there was no need to lie. "Dad's got this notion that Caesar's up to something. Not that it really affects us at all. Let the Roman's deal with their own leaders. But we're suppose to keep an eye on him."

"Well, that's not a problem. Besides, who knows what threat Rome might place to Greece in the future. Your father is just thinking ahead." Ptolomy sat on his throne. "What's mine is yours. You know that already. Feel free to make yourselves as comfortable as possible." He snapped and I groaned as slaves came over. He instructed them to take us to our lodging and provide us with any amenities we would need.

~@~@~

I took the time to myself to relax. The first thing on the agenda was the hot baths. Not that I needed it for hygiene, just for relaxation. I was pampering myself. I emerged to the world hours later in a white pleated gown and some of the traditional Egyptian noble dress. I didn't do the wig gig though. I'm very squicky about my hair and I always have been. So the blonde stayed. I didn't think that the dress was all that alluring, well, other than the fact that it was white and my silhouette was visible in the right light. Cadmus' face told me otherwise. Strife's was the same until he took notice of my other admirer. I could feel him silently growl in Cadmus' general direction.

"What was that for?" I asked walking directly to him.

He frowned. "I didn't like the way he was looking at you."

"Oh tut." I scolded, lightly. "He can look all he wants, he just can't touch. Don't be so jealous, it's not like I'm going to marry him or anything." I rolled my eyes. "Besides, maybe he doesn't like the way you look at me either."

I think I used to get off on being a smart-ass. I really had no problem with Cadmus gawking at me. What did bother me was that he wouldn't go away. Everywhere I went, he went. The only way I could get rid of him was by finally excusing myself to retire for the evening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~NC-17 depending on level of squickiness~~

Please read with caution as this does contain adult material and situations.

Innocence

I faced myself in a mirror brushing my curls straight. I was irritated with myself for deciding to stop in Thebes, we should have just gone straight though and there never would have been a problem. "It's not your fault. You didn't know he was going to be there." I saw Strife suddenly standing behind me.

I sighed. "I thought I told you not to use your powers here." I had been preparing for bed and the only thing that remained on me at that point was the gown.

"Would you rather I waltz down the hall and risk being followed by your fan club?"

I laughed. "Point well taken."

"He's infatuated with you, you know that?" I set my brush down as he combed his fingers through my hair.

"Ah, well. Nothing I can do about that now. Unless I sick mother on him. Then like most moral men he would instantly hypnotized by her beauty and I would be in the clear."

He shook his head and put his hand on my cheek. I turned around to face him. "Nah, You are far more beautiful than she."

"Bite your tongue!" I said astonished. I began to stand, "Mother's killed men for less. If she should hear you,"

"What will she do?" There was challenge in his voice. "I'm family. Besides, Zeus has banned Gods killing other gods."

I rolled my eyes, "no kidding. If I had my way, Deimos would be a history lesson."

There was silence briefly. The cool night breeze blew the gown tight to my form. I felt my face flush when he noticed. I looked to the ground shyly. "He can't have you anyway." He changed the subject. "You're mine."

I laughed. "Am I now?" He nodded. "And Apollo?"

"That was a loan. You were to be returned without damage." I chuckled to myself and faced the mirror again. He came up behind me and rested his head on my shoulder with his arms on my waist. I shuddered lightly. It had been a month and I still felt tingly whenever he touched me. His breath was hot on my neck as he spoke, "I knew from the second you tumbled from that rug that you were going to be mine."

I turned around, still in his arms and brushed his cheek. "I've missed you lately. Our talks, everything." Strife leaned in to kiss me and I responded eagerly. This was different; it was deeper, more passionate, more desperate. My arms had minds of their own as they pulled him closer. I nibbled his ears as he moved down my neck. I was so into the moment I barely noticed him move the straps from my dress so they hung loosely about my upper arms. We backed up slowly as he traced paths from my mouth to my shoulders. There was a new warmth in my body I hadn't felt before. I stepped away and looked down as my hand went and pulled the knot from the closure on the gown. By the time I looked back up his shirt was already gone.

I stood there, arms at my sides, the dress only held on by the strategic curves of my flesh. Strife's hand slowly brushed the straps of the gown dangling around my arms and it fell to the floor in a heap of white fabric. For the first time ever my body was naked before a man. I stepped back toward him. "I'm scared." I whispered. And I was. I had never been this intimate with anyone.

He pulled me to him and the feeling of our exposed flesh touching set me on fire. "We don't have to do this." He replied. I kissed him and my hands aided in removing the only remaining fabric on him. "I've never.." I said weakly as he guided me down to the bed. He smiled and I was comforted. He knew of my innocence, but to assuage he whispered, "I know." Once I laid down his mouth went to my breasts where I couldn't help but arch my back and gasp in pleasure. No one had or ever would make me feel as I did then.

When he finally laid atop me I instantly felt his member hard and eager between my legs. I held him so tightly that I could have left marks on his back. Strife kissed me hard, he was so slow, so gentle with me. He behaved as if I was a priceless piece of porcelain he feared breaking. I cried out from a small flicker of pain as he entered me. Worried, he stopped dead in his tracks and searched my eyes for answers. "It's ok." And it was. It was gone as soon as it came. "It's gone now."

It was spiritually, physically, and emotionally euphoric. In that same sense, we were one. Our bodies glistened with sweat in the candlelight as we rocked together. As the pace slowly quickened I began to breathe heavier. There was a feeling slowly creeping on me. It was totally new. It was wonderful and I let out soft pleasurable cries. He was doing the same which made me want it more. It grew stronger and stronger until my head flew back from the tremendous explosion. His seed was warm as it flowed inside of me a moment later.

Mom never told me of this part. I wonder if I would have believed her had she told me. From that moment on we were no longer just friends, just cousins who kissed behind closed doors; we were lovers. He brushed the hair from my face. "I love you." He mouthed silently before relaxing on me. I replied the same and a single tear fell from my eyes knowing how true it really was.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Caesar

I didn't actually meet Julius until the following evening at a social gathering of Ptolomy's. I sat with Strife and Cadmus when he came over. I can understand why; other than the roman's he brought with him, we were the only other pale skinned there. I skipped the Egyptian garb that evening and found myself more suited to a Sultan's queen's costuming. He approached with an arrogant air. "So," He strutted around us, "may I inquire as to who you are, dressed so nobly?" He spoke in Arabic.

I smirked, replying in Latin, "It's rather rude to inquire of one without first introducing yourself."

"Ah." He seemed partly surprised. "You speak the language of Rome."

"I speak many languages." The look on his face told me he was curious. "That includes Gaelic, Aramaic, and Greek."

He smirked, arrogantly. "Is that so? I am Caesar, Julius Caesar."

"That much is obvious from your golden leaves. I was merely drawing attention to your lack of manners." I was being rather curt with him. I had extreme distaste for his attitude.

"Come." Caesar held a hand out. I looked to Strife who nodded. He knew I was toying with the Roman. He pulled me away from the chatter to a quieter area. "You are brave, I'll give you that. I could kill you in Rome for your insolence."

"Then kill me now." I threatened.

There was curiosity behind his eyes. "You have no fear of me."

"And why should I? I fear no one."

He circled me, "You are most obviously not native to this continent. There are no Egyptians born flaxen. But then what are you?" Caesar continued in his pacing. "Too proud to be an Israelite. You're beautiful, you know that well enough by the way you carry yourself. A young Venus in your own mind?

"I am not your Love Goddess, Caesar."

"A-Ha." He exclaimed as if he stumbled upon some great mystery. "So you are not Roman. Then you must be Greek." I applauded without enthusiasm. "Does the Greek have a name?"

I thought briefly, why not. What could he possibly do with it? "You may address me by my birth name only." He gave a look of impatience. "Harmonia."

"And, Harmonia, what brings you to Egypt of all places?"

"Visiting friends. Ptolomy is an acquaintance of mine." I repeated his game, circling him. "And what brings the ruler of Rome to Egypt?"

Caesar laughed. "Take a look around you. This is a prosperous country, bleeding wealth from every pore. I plan on using this wealth to full potential."

"By conquering them?" I was being short.

"No, not now anyway." He caressed my face with his hand. "A country is like a woman. Simple. Give them what they think they want and they become clay to mold as you please."

I fought the temptation to bite his finger off and proceeded by shoving his hand away. "I am bound to another so kindly keep your hands to yourself."

"Who?" he laughed again. "The Greek soldier there?" I groaned when he indicated Cadmus. Why did all conversations revolve around him lately?

~@~@~

We left Egypt after that. Once back home we realized why Daddy requested we escort Cadmus back to Greece. Apparently on the mortal's insane quest to find Europa he hit the wrong nerve by killing off the war god's beloved dragon. I always hated that thing anyway, it was all evil and angry. Since Athena was the one who told him to kill it in the first place, Daddy raised hell with her. Now because of this whole mess, Cadmus was now sentenced to a year of labor under Ares. Basically he became a temporary slave. This never really affected me except that he was always around.

As for my relationship with my cousin, it continued to flourish. No one was the wiser to what happened behind closed doors and thankfully so. Take a moment and imagine for yourself a possible God of War reaction to learning of his daughter's deflowerment. Pretty scary shit, huh? Exactly our thinking behind it.

~~~~

Of Family and Fights

It was all very hush hush. We would spend the evenings together, and by first sunlight he would again be gone. Then again, in the same respect we got braver. I accompanied him wherever I could and since we were inseparable as children, daddy ignored it. All the while, to my utter distaste, Cadmus decided he would make a rather pathetic attempt to court me.

It was all rather sweet, I suppose, if you look at it in the right light; but, I actually found it annoying. I didn't want the gifts. I didn't want the flowers. And I most certainly did not want him to think I would EVER marry him. "Thanks," I groaned as I walked off with another bundle of unwanted flowers. "It's pathetic, really." I whined to my lover, tossing the bouquet of daisies to the ground behind me.

"Then why not tell him the truth?" He reached behind me and pulled a single daisy from the bunch. He tucked it in my hair, behind my ear.

"Oh, yeah. What am I suppose to say?" I put on my best drama queen face. "Please understand. I don't want you. I'm madly in love with my darling cousin here and we make crazy monkey love every night just out of earshot of a psychopathic protective father, who, would you be so kind not to mention a thing to?"

"Shut up. You know what I meant."

"Yeah and I tried. You have to give him props for being persistent though." I smiled.

Strife shoved me playfully. "Get out."

"Yeah, get out." Discord snarled appearing next to me.

"Oh cheers." I yawned dramatically. "It's psycho-hose beast from the depths of the underworld. To what honor to I owe this visit?"

He laughed. "'Sup m…" He stopped, looking at me. "Discord." I got the feeling he was hiding something from me. I rolled my eyes. I still wasn't too keen on him having to work with Discord, but I dealt with it. As they say in music, discord and harmony just don't go together. It was fated for us to hate each other. Hate might be a strong word, but it was an understatement in our situation.

She stood right in front of me, a challenging look in her eyes. "Why don't you just leave? This is out of your league."

"Why don't you get bent?" I got up in her face, returning the challenge.

"Insolent little bitch." Discord shoved me back.

I returned her shove, "You want a piece of me?" She backed up and flashed her eyes. "Well, bring it on!"

Strife attempted to be the voice of reason, "Ok, guys. That's enough."

"What are you gonna do, Goody Two Shoes? Cry?" She mocked. I hissed and heaved a bolt of blue flame at her. Discord ducked out of the way and laughed. "Is that all you've got?" She was a lot older than me and was at least ten times more powerful, but I didn't care. The power ball growing in her hand was rather intimidating, but I still did not step down. "Let me show you what a real god can do, halfwit." Just before it his me I disappeared and reappeared directly behind her.

"Come on. Cut it out." Strife ordered. Like either one of us would listen.

"What," Discord laughed at where I had been standing. "Couldn't take it, godling? Had to run away and have Daddy protect you again?"

"Harm, don't." he pleaded looking at me.

Discord turned around and I kicked, sending her about twenty feet away. Apparently she didn't find it so humorous that I caught her briefly off guard because she lunged for me. The fight was to be purely physical from that moment on.

Faintly I heard Strife call out, "I told them to stop."

Two arms reached down and pulled us apart. "Ares, let me go!" She screamed. "I'll kill the little bitch."

"CUT IT OUT!" Daddy was furious with us. "If you two want to kill each other, fine. But don't do it on my time!" He tossed me aside. "You, get out of here." I hesitated for a moment. "NOW!"

"This isn't over!" Discord hissed at me.

"It is over." Ares corrected. He was rather impatient. I started to walk away slowly. "What in Tartarus is wrong with you?"

"She started it." She whined. I turned and zapped her one final time.

"HARMONIA!" What can I say? I am my father's daughter.

~@~@~@~

I was so damn close when the knocking came on the door. 'Dammit.' I thought. "Just a second." I called as we panicked to hide all evidence of our romp. Strife hid as I opened the door. It was only Deimos and Phobos. The pressed past me with wicked grins on their faces. "What do you want?" I growled at them.

"Why sister dear," Phobos faked concern. "Your face is flushed. We weren't interrupting something were we?"

"No. Not at all." I grumbled picking a few pillows off the floor.

Deimos shoved our brother. "Oh cut the crap."

"I asked what you wanted."

"We're not as stupid as you seem to think, dear." Deimos' eyes flashed as he suddenly began pacing about the room. "Oh cousin? Come out, come out, wherever you are."

"I can assure you two, that Strife is not here." I stood in front of them, firmly.

"Oh, but I know he is."

They were starting to seriously irritate me. "What makes you so sure?"

Phobos rolled his eyes. "Oh come off it, 'Mon. Like we don't know you two are pounding it off in here."

Judging from the maniacal smile on Deimos' face my jaw must have literally hit the floor. Strife appeared at my side, also recovering from mild shock. We honestly didn't think anyone other than Mom's clan knew. I recomposed myself. "What do you want for your silence?"

He walked up to me, confidently and caressed my cheek. "How about you? Once crazy, lust filled evening…"

"I'd kill you first." Strife mumbled.

"Nuh uh." Deimos hissed. "No comments from the peanut gallery. All I have to do is snap my fingers and my younger brother there will deliver the message that is sure to have you destroyed in a heartbeat." He turned back to me, his finger tracing across my lips. "How about it, sister dear?" In a second I bit him. Hard. "Son of a bitch!" He cursed nursing his wounded finger.

"I'd rather lick frogs."

"That could be arranged." He snorted in my face. He stepped to Phobos' side. "Fine then." He turned to his brother. "Let's go find, Dad."

"Wait!" I ran forward. "I'll do anything else!"

He smiled as he turned back around and briefly exchanged glances with our brother. "We'll get back to you. But you BOTH owe each of us." Deimos flashed Strife a teethy grin. "You can get back to your business..

~~~~~~~~~

Cadmus

"Ouch." He complained.

"Oh, don't be such a baby." I wiped the fresh blood from a gash on his arm. Cadmus may have irritated me to no end, but there I sat none-the-less, dressing his wounds. There were times when I wished I had a cold heart towards most mortals as the rest of my family did. No, somehow I pitied them and felt it was my duty to help when I could. He cringed and pulled his arm away. "Stop it."

"It hurts." He was such a whiner.

I pulled his arm back. "It has to hurt if it's to heal."

"What do you know? You don't feel pain, you're a god."

I was hurt. "That means nothing. We feel pain. Just not to the extent that you do." Ringing the blood stained rag in a pail of water I realized it was futile. Another stream had already begun. I grabbed a dry piece of cloth and tied it tight over the wound. "I can't do anything more until you stop bleeding. Let it clot awhile."

Cadmus was rather strong, physically. That was obvious as he sat on the floor of Dad's temple, bare chested, muscles still throbbing full of adrenaline. He was average. Not attractive, not ugly. Average brown hair, average brown eyes; very unlike Phoenix with his flame red hair and emerald eyes. Unfortunately the beauty in the family when to his brother. He leaned back and smiled at me. "So gentle." His voice was soft. "You would make a wonderful mother."

"Ha." I snorted. "I have no intentions of being a mother for many years." He was staring at me amorously. Suddenly uncomfortable, I stood and walked away.

He followed. "I remember the first time I saw you, I knew it then."

"Knew what?" I turned to face the silly mortal.

Cadmus paused. "Did I ever tell you how incredibly beautiful you are?"

"You and everyone else." I rolled my eyes. He opened his mouth again and I silenced him with a finger. "Stop, before you say something we both are going to regret."

He spoke anyway. "I'm in love with you."

"Shit." I whined and stomped my foot. "No, you're not."

"Yes I am."

"No you're not. You are in love with the idea of me. And I'm not who you think I am."

"I know you aren't like any other god." He was calm and quiet. "You have a heart, you care."

"No I don't." I paced quickly. "I don't care if some stupid mortal dies. Or gets slashed with a goddamn sword either."

"Then why did you help me?" He was smiling again.

Slowly I was getting angry, and slightly embarrassed. "Because I thought we were friends."

"You are nurturing and kind as well as beautiful. You would make a wonderful wife."

"Not to you!"

"Why not?" Cadmus' smile made me think he was taking pleasure in my discomfort.

His sentence under my father would be over in a few weeks end and I knew that Athena had promised him rule over Thebes. I also knew he was on a quest for a queen. "Because, you're mortal and I'm not." The look on his face told me that my excuse didn't sound very convincing. "And…" I struggled to come up with another reason.

"And?" He was laughing.

"And, I'm involved right now." That sounded valid enough to me.

Cadmus shook his head. "No you're not. I don't ever see you with anyone except Strife."

"Just because you don't see me with anyone doesn't mean there isn't anything going on!"

I was stuttering, the situation was way too awkward for me. "Then who is it?" He asked.

"Uh.." I tried to think of something. "I can't tell you." That was the honest truth. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone.

"Uh, huh." He smiled. "We'll see." He walked away.

"What's that suppose to mean?" I shouted after him. He didn't respond. To honestly think, me marry a mortal. What a joke.

~@~@~@~@~

"Harmonia?" A small voice called in one of Daddy's temples. Appearing I saw it was Aria, she was crying and the right side of her face was puffy and red. It looked like she had been beaten.

"By the gods." I whispered running to her aid. "What happened?"

"He.. he… he.." She was hyperventilating. "He hit me."

"Who hit you?" Cadmus walked in. He had one day left now. I would be glad to see him go.

I rolled my eyes. "Go away, this doesn't concern you." I hissed to him. "Aria," I was soft with her. After all she was the best female friend I had. "Who hit you?"

She took a deep breath. "Apollo."

"Why?"

"I'm pregnant." I could feel my own eyes grow wide. "And now he doesn't want me anymore. I told him he was an asshole and then…"

"He hit you." I was livid. There's and old adage I go by, you can fuck with me but don’t fuck with my friends. That still hold's true to this day.

Apollo smiled wickedly when I stood in front of him. "Aw, honey. I missed you too." The sarcasm in his voice was overflowing.

"Cut the shit." I snarled. "I didn't come here to stroll down memory lane."

"Let me guess." He stood and circled me. "You came about Aria's situation."

"And what do you plan to do about it?"

He laughed. "Absolutely nothing. She's no longer my problem."

"Your problem?" I pulled away as he took a deep breath in, smelling my hair. "So you just plant your seed and then it's no longer your problem?"

"What would you rather I did?" He feigned innocence.

"Take responsibility for it."

I resisted the urge to bite him as his hand caressed my face. "I tell you what. I do what you ask, hell, I'll even raise the damn thing if you wish, under one condition." I frowned. I could only imagine what that would be. "You come back to me. Your tantrum, forgotten." Apollo's mouth moved to my neck. "Don't you remember what it was like before? Don't you miss it?" I was silently growling. "Just come back to me." He slowly motioned to kiss me and I felt my stomach churn. "At least one evening together. I could show you how much I've missed you, then I'll do whatever you want about the child."

I kneed him in the groin. "That is for me." I spat. Then I did what I had wanted to do for so long. I backhanded his pretty boy face as hard as I could. "And that was for Aria."

"Have it your way." He growled turning away. I started to leave when his laughter forced me to stop in my tracks. "Poor, stupid, Harmonia. I'll go down in history as a legend. What will you be? A martyr?" I started walking again, leaving him behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Visions

I knew I was in for it, I guess. Apollo really wasn’t one to trifle with. He could be very vindictive. He was careful though, planning every possible second. It would be quite some time before I would see him again. As for Aria, I didn't really know what to do. "Didn't you count your weeks?" I had asked. That was our method of birth control. We didn't have condoms or anything of that sort. You kept track of your cycle. Unfortunately, like animals in heat, those few days when you seem to want it the most, are the days you should avoid it like the plague.

The method wasn't fool proof though. My brothers and I are results of that. And soon, Aria's child would join the ranks of unplanned pregnancies. I was lucky, and I took it for granted. Strife and I never considered what we would do should I ever have become with child. It just wasn't an option.

I had worried needlessly over what would become of her. I say needlessly because it took only one meeting between her and Anteros for him to decide to care for her and the child when it arrived. It was rather sweet and everyday it became more obvious that he was now on the right side of the family. I didn't have a side, I never would. Amon-Re had once said "True harmony is the balance between the sane and the insane, good and evil. Without it, one side will prevail." He also told me that at many periods in my life I would struggle through the internal battle between them. I had yet to know how right he was.

~@~

Pallor had visions. Quite often. Though they were always in the most abstract of fashions. He was still a child and many of them disturbed him greatly. It was sad, we could give him no comfort because we could not understand what he could possibly have seen.

I awoke to a scream one evening. A small male scream that seemed to be getting closer and closer to my door. Strife and I sat up and exchanged glances. This was becoming a familiar routine. Pallor had another vision, the difference, he was heading for my room. I stood and quickly threw a robe around myself, knowing better than to comfort my youngest sibling where father could find out more than I needed him to. I shut the door behind me as I left and caught him midway down the hall.

"Woah." I squatted down to his level. "What's wrong?"

He was crying. "You're hurt?"

"No." I shook my head. "What in the world could make you think that?"

"There was screaming. It was you." I was confused. "You were screaming so that all of Greece could hear." Pallor was gasping for air. Whatever he saw must have given him quite a fright. "And, and, you were falling."

"I was falling?"

He nodded. "You were falling into a pit that never ended."

I brushed the sweat from his forehead. "No." I took his hand and walked him back to bed. "It was all just a dream. Morpheus should know better than to play with you like that." I honestly didn't believe at the moment that he had a vision. It just didn't make sense, what he had said. Not that I ever understood his visions enough to interpret them, this was just beyond the norm.

"NO." Pallor pulled his hand away just outside his door. "It wasn't a dream. It was real."

"It couldn't have been, sweat pea. I'm standing right here and I'm just fine." He looked up at me with his big blue eyes. A heartbreaker that child was.

"But I saw it."

I shooed him off to bed. "I know you did. And when you wake up tomorrow, everything will be just fine. You'll see."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rivalry on Pause

I had to have known it would happen eventually, but I guess I never suspected it would be in quite this way. I guess I hoped that I would be the deliverer of the news. It's partially our fault, for sleeping in that beautiful morning. It was getting much later than usual for us to have parted ways. I wanted the comfort of the night to last. The wonders of the night; where I was no longer plagued by the sight of my friends growing belly, where the second I would close my door behind me my lover would emerge from the shadows. Then, on the occasional night, like the one we were currently lying in bed recovering from, we would join. For hours we would enjoy each other, either with our mouths or by rocking together as one.

Exhaustion proved to be the first problem. The second was counting on the fact that he would never just walk in. And he didn't, until now.

It was a colder morning than usual. It was late morning; the sun through the shut curtains still hurt my sleepy eyes. Strife was shivering in his sleep beside me. I swung the blanket over him, and did the same for myself as well. I was on the verge of falling back asleep when I heard a voice call out, "Harmonia?" Stupidly, I ignored it. There was laughter as it drew nearer. "Harmonia?" It didn't quite click until it was right outside my door. "Harmonia?" Simultaneously, it seems, we both realized the owner of the voice. Our eyes met, sharing the sudden horror.

The next few moments were a blur, one second Daddy stood in the doorway, the next Strife was being dragged from the room rather violently. "Daddy, No!" I screamed, tearing the sheet from the bed and wrapping it around myself as I ran after them. Ahead, I could see Strife being thrown about and Ares swearing at him. "Stop!"

All of the commotion must have drawn Deimos out because he appeared right in my way. "What's going on?" He obviously didn’t know.

"Help me, help me, help me!"

"Why?"

I jumped as I heard a powerball hit a wall. I could no longer see them. "Please, just be the cool brother for once."

Deimos jumped at the thunderous sound also. He looked down in the direction. "I'm guessing Dad knows." I begged with him with my eyes and he vanished.

I started running again, only this time to be stopped by Discord. "What's wrong, princess?" She snorted to me. I tried to run around her. "Has your whore been caught by Daddy?"

"You don't know anything." I hissed and tried again to pass her.

She got in my face. "And how many lovers as the godling bed? Is this number…."

"One." I cut her off. "There has only been one. I'm sorry to disappoint you." The walls shook again. I had to get to him. I heard my lover cry out. "Strife!" I screamed shoving her aside.

"WHAT?" Discord's face fell as I ran off.

"Daddy, Stop it!" I ordered. Deimos had come through for me, for once. He stood there, accompanied by all our immortal siblings trying to stop the personal war that had been waged.

He didn’t even look at me. "Harmonia, leave here."

I saw Strife. He was bruised, badly. I needed to stand up to my father, but no one ever had. No one. "No." There was silence. Ares faced me while my brothers stared as if I unleashed the apocalypse. "What?"

During the distraction from Strife, Cupid and Anteros ran forward to tend to him. I took a deep breath and stepped toward him. "I said, No." I was directly disobeying orders.

"I said, Leave!" He ordered once again.

I looked around the room. I saw pity in Deimos' eyes. He had wanted to cause me pain, but not like this. He preferred pranks. "No!" I screamed back. This should have been a moment for Discord to relish, instead, I saw her leaning against the back corner wall, her face shrouded in disbelief.

I could tell dad was shocked. "You disobey me?"

At this moment I started crying. "Yes." I loved my father and I really didn't want to hurt him. "I can't let you do this."

"I am doing this for your own good." There are many sides to Ares that most will never see. He was trying to protect me. I could understand that. He also didn't want to fight with me, his eyes said so. I couldn't tell though, if he was incredibly angry, or just incredibly upset.

I shook my head. "No, I know what is for my own good."

He was very possessive of me. Everyone knew that. Especially my brothers. "You are MY daughter." He looked as though he would weep as well, but it would be some time in the future before anyone would ever see him cry. Whether or not he ever did so in the privacy of his room is unknown.

I stepped forward. "I will always be your daughter. But I am no longer a child"

His eyes drifted to Cupid. "This is your doing?"

"No father." He spoke quietly. "This is out of my league."

"At least you are still on my side." He turned to Deimos and Phobos.

"Sorry, Dad." Deimos moved behind me, Phobos followed. "We have to side with her on this one." There is strength in numbers, and the five of us were quite the handful when we weren't siding together. Dad must have felt like a warlord betrayed by his army.

"Why?" He asked me. "Tell me why?"

Taking a deep breath, I said, "I love him."

I could see his defense fall. Shocked beyond the ability for rational thought he paced slowly back to his throne. Back in the corner, Discord slid to the floor. She had also been struck silent.

I turned around and ran to my lover's aid as my brothers parted away. "Gods," I knelt beside him and helped him to a sitting position. "Are you ok?" He just moaned. "If anything ever happened to you I don't know what I'd do." I knew that dad was witnessing every second and I didn't care. The secret was out, what was left? I cradled his head in my arms and he looked up at me weakly. "It's over now." I whispered, kissing his forehead.

I earned a new respect that day. My brother's let me be. There were no more cruel pranks from that day on. I had quietly thanked Deimos later for his assistance but he just grunted and walked away. I know he didn't want to admit to having a heart of any kind, but deep down I know he sees me as a little sister. There was one huge negative, however. Dad didn't speak to any of us for nearly 4 weeks. Not even one word.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moving On

I could continue further with this chapter of my life, but I fear this story could continue for the length of the centuries I have lived, should I do so. I would fall from grace, as Pallor had envisioned, and it was soon coming. The warlord Callisto was risen from the dead and that in itself only spelt trouble. It would not be long before my life would change, forevermore. So much good had happened in the time past. Daddy began speaking to us again, whether he approved of our relationship couldn't be determined, I just know he accepted it

Aria had bore her child. Late one evening Anteros came to us, "She wants you with her." He told me. I know he feared for her, unlike today, women didn't always survive childbirth. After all, Aria was only a nymph. She was not immortal. All was well in the end and she bore a beautiful half-god named, Miletus. Against my better wishes, I was named the child's godsmother.

Seasons came and seasons went, and soon enough it was spring again. The moment Persephone's feet leave the soil of Asphodel and touch the earth everything begins to bloom again. Spring is a fresh start for all things, even the mortals who rarely leave the comfort and warmth of their homes during the winter. Everyone and everything comes to life in that first spring day.

Perhaps it was the raging hormones of my youth; perhaps it was the first tick in the eternal biological clock; or perhaps a higher power was at work. Any way, I had a nearly incurable urge that spring morning. Strife stood riverside, watching the carnage unfold during a nearby battle with a mischievous grin. I appeared from behind a tree and shoved him headlong into the water. "Harm?" He cursed. "What are you…" Before he could finish I had smothered him, my lips nearly devouring his. Strife pulled back, chuckling, "What has gotten into you?" I replied by placing his hand up my skirt to the naked flesh. "Here?"

I opened his pants and removed the single part of him. I needed him, and I wanted him. He was no longer hesitant, and gasped as I massaged him singled handedly. I have yet to meet a man who would refuse an eager lover. It was rough, it was fast, and it was utterly amazing. That day felt like the best day of my life. I didn't know that tomorrow would be the worst day of my life.

Callisto was insane. Everyone in Greece knew as much. She was a twisted, murdering, relentless sociopath and dad adored every moment of it. No one was as violent, not even Xena compared when she was bad. Callisto was pure evil. Dad's first mistake, conspiring with her. I have to admit, she scared me and I didn't want Strife working with Dad on this project. "What are you worried about?" He laughed. "She's harmless."

I shook my head. "Callisto is never harmless. And Xena gave her ambrosia." When I had first heard that news, I recall thinking, 'Great job genius.'

"Relax."

"I have a bad feeling about this." Neither one of us knew that this project of Dad's would include Hind's Blood.

"Unc, ain't gonna let anything happen." He kissed me in a pathetic attempt to assuage my fears. I held my frown, being sure he knew it hadn't worked. "Besides, I don’t have a choice in the matter."

"Sure you do. You could just say, no."

Strife shook his head. "Not that simple. Deimos was suppose to do it but he backed out, so here I am, left with no option of backing out. The biggest downfall of being second in command, when Unc says, 'jump.' I must reply with 'how high?' Any other response and I'm toast."

Later I had it out with my brother. "Why?" I whined. "Why did you have to wimp out?"

"Duh, she's a fucking loony."

I needed to lie, to come up with something good enough to get him to crawl to Dad, begging for the assignment back. "But Deimy, this could have been your big break. You could of, um," I was stuttering, trying to come up with something decent. "You could of.."

He put his hand to my face. "Save your breath, 'Mon, I'm not doing it. She's fucking loony I tell ya. Grandfather could offer me to rule over the world and I still wouldn't get in the ring with that crazy bitch. I'd fuck with Hera before I'd fuck with Callisto. At least Hera is predictable."

Deimos wasn't making me feel any better about this. "I'm sure Dad knows her well enough to…"

"Oh come off it, 'Mon. You and I both know that Dad's go more balls than brains." I tried to argue again, but he interrupted me. "No, and don't bother asking again." So much for that idea.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream Becomes Reality

He promised me nothing would happen. Dad promised me. So, foolishly, I took his word for it. I avoided the temple that day; I wanted nothing do to with it or her. Instead, I spent the day keeping Aria and her son company. "Don't you have another sibling to bother?" I hissed to Deimos who tagged along, apparently bored out of his mind.

"Oh why would I bother with anyone else when I have you to irritate for eternity?" He smiled. Aria rolled her eyes at him. She had been living in Anteros' company and was growing accustomed to the family. Miletus was splashing and playing in the water of a shallow stream while the rest of us sat on the bank. Aria kicked her feet in the cool water.

I sighed. "How comforting." I kept an ever watchful eye on my godson, it wasn't known if the child was immortal or not. Hercules hadn't known of his own immortality until he was past youth. I watched the child gasp as his gaze turned to the sky. Suddenly there was a large clap of thunder that caused the earth to shake.

"What the..?" Deimos muttered looked up at the sky rapidly filling with black clouds. "Something is very wrong."

Aria pulled Miletus from the water, he was screaming in fear. "Guys, what's going on?"

"I don't know." I watched the clouds. Deimos was right, something was very wrong. The clouds began to swirl violently, though tornadoes were not commonplace in Greece. Another clap of thunder sounded, this time louder. The three of us nearly leapt from our skin. A bolt of blue lightening, not white like Zeus', struck ground in the familiar distance. "Did that just hit.."

"Dad's temple." Deimos finished. There was a lump in my throat as we exchanged panicked glances and left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dad?" Deimos called out, the temple was black inside, nearly all the torches had been blown out. He stepped out into another room.

I had a bad feeling, my stomach turned in knots, which worsened when I saw Deimos stop abruptly. Slowly I followed him into the room. I heard a muffled cry in the middle of the room, but my eyes remained focused on my father who was hobbling towards us. He mouthed my name without actually vocalizing it. "Daddy, what happened? There was this bang and lightening and," He stepped into the light and I saw his face. My heart instantly fell as I realized that Strife must have been injured. Ares; the hard, cold, unfeeling God of War's face was tearstained and sullen.

"It can't be that bad, right? After all he is a god and we heal fast." I felt my body beginning to convulse when he shook his head no.

"Harmonia, I didn't know. I'm sorry." Finally I recognized the muffled cry I heard before as it wailed louder than before. It was Discord weeping. Then Dad said the two words that will haunt me for eternity, "He's dead."

I don't recall how long I sat there, in shock. I wanted to desperately believe that it wasn't true. Gods just don't die, it's not feasible. I ran to him, his head limp in Discord's lap. "No." I cried kneeling at his side. I caressed his face, seeking for a sign of life, nothing. His eyes were dull and lifeless, the realization of which made my eyes flow like the Nile. No, this wasn't happening. "Come back." I cried to him.

Anteros appeared pulling Discord to her feet, trying to pull her away. "LEAVE ME!" She screamed, returning to Strife's side.

"Please come back." I cried harder. "Don't leave me here." I was angry, he had left me without saying goodbye, and he was never coming back. "COME BACK DAMMIT!" My sobs gradually turned to hysterics. In the corner, my father slumped to the floor. The room was slowly filling with astonished divinities. All who stared at us with pity.

Cupid was quiet as he came to me. "Come on, Harmonia." He pulled me away. "This isn't healthy."

"No." I screamed and ran back collapsing over my former lover's lifeless body. I clutched him tightly, I wasn't going to leave him. The room stared at the two goddesses in hysterics over some minor deity. I uttered one final cry of "Don't leave me." Before my body shut down and I fainted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't recall awakening from that moment, nor do I recall how I got to the funeral. Or for that matter, how I got up and how I dressed that day. I was numb. Had Strife been mortal the traditional funeral would have been a funeral pyre, but since he was not, the burial was in ice. Zeus decreed that it would be for preservation should a way to restore life to him be found. Tears streamed down my face, but I said not a word.

As the cavern cleared I stepped forward. "You said you would never leave me." I accused. "Why?" I cried. "Why." I wore two necklaces, usually. Both from my days in Egypt, one scarab, one ankh. I removed the ankh and placed it on his slowly freezing body, around his neck. As I turned to leave Discord approached me.

"Here." She handed me a ring on a chain. Strife had worn a ring, usually ignored because he had worn it since he was a child. It was purely ornamental but sometimes I wondered why he wore it at all. "He would want you to have it." Her voice was soft. "I knew it would be too big, so I had it put on a chain for you."

I took the chain and put in around my own neck. "Why are you here?" I asked quietly. "I always thought you didn't like us."

"There's so much about me you don't know." The older goddess spoke. "The hatred between you and me was fated to be so. But not with him. I never hated him." She stared blankly at his corpse. "I was naïve at the time, I should have done it all on my own, then maybe none of this would have happened. Shit, " she wiped a tear from her eye. "I didn't even know who the father was, there were too many possibilities. Ares insisted on helping, after all, he had experience with children."

I was confused. "What are you tying to say?"

Discord looked at me. Never had I seen such tenderness in her eyes. "We share a common love, you and I. And now, we share a common loss. You of a lover, and I," she choked back a sob that fought in her throat, "of a son." At that moment it all made sense to me. Why she was the way she was with him. I realized that Strife never told me because of the hatred between us. For a single moment in time, Discord and I shared a tender moment. Her arms and mine, wrapped around each other as we wept on the other's shoulders. For that moment alone, all bygones were bygones, she was my aunt and I was her niece.

Memoirs of a Goddess 26

Mourning and Moving

I mourned for weeks upon weeks. I ly in bed all day wishing for nothing more than Celeste or Thanatos to relieve me of my misery. He was gone, gone for good and there was nothing I could do other than pray to join him. Hercules destroyed the blood soaked dagger than claimed my lover's life, along with the amulet that contained the deadly hind's blood. I was suicidal and there was no way out. No more golden hinds roamed the earth, Zeus had made sure of that.

Most of the other gods let me be. Cupid would come to my bedside occasionally and plead for me to get up and move on. I could not, it was not in my heart to do so. "You'll drive yourself mad." He said, brushing a strand of hair from my face. I received no comfort from him no matter what he said or did. "Look at you," he whispered. "You're ill." Gods normally didn't fall ill, but I was in a vulnerable state. I simply turned over and ignored him, saying not a word.

"Get up!" I had been in bed mourning for nearly two months. "I Said Get Up, CHILD." The voice was Hera's and I dare not disobey. Stumbling to my feet, my legs were weak from months of little use. "Make yourself presentable and emerge from your cave." Her voice was cold, as it usually was, and I obeyed. Stepping into the light of the main hall for the first time in a long time it took a moment for my eyes to adjust. Hera stood, dressed regally, in the center of circle of a few other divinities. Rarely did she enter my father's temples, so this must have been a big deal. Athena stood at her right side, with mother standing next to her. Cupid and father stood on the other side. "Are you well?" She asked.

"No, ma'am." I responded, stumbling slightly. It was not a lie, my stomach did turn often as of late.

The Queen of the Gods smiled and reached for me. My body stung as I felt my godhood being revoked. "Mother, that's hardly fair!" Father whined. "She'll die as a mortal."

"Silence, Ares." She commanded. "I never said I would leave her mortal. Athena feels it would be best if her immortality be left in place." Hera stepped forward. "My husband feels that you are useless now and would have preferred I destroy you. I am not a monster, you are my granddaughter and I will not destroy you because some pig feels the need for so." I heard mother snicker, it was common knowledge that Zeus and Hera's marriage was a rocky one. "Apparently Athena had a vision, and you have another purpose in fate. I decided that she must determine what is to be done with you and she has."

Athena spoke as Hera stepped back. "You will be given to King Cadmus of Thebes as a bride."

"What?" I asked not quiet believing it.

Cupid shook his head, "You have no choice I'm afraid."

"No." I didn't want to marry him. I had told him no myself many times before.

Athena continued, "He will make a good husband." I heard all that she said, but I faded in and out of the conversation. "You will leave today for Thebes, a chariot is awaiting. You will be wed upon your arrival."

"No," I stepped back. "I will not."

"You will, for two reasons." Hera snapped, appearing directly in front of me. "One, if you don't, Zeus is sure going to have you destroyed." I was scared of her, but I still didn't break. "Do you really wish me to share reason two with everyone?" She was smiling, and my blank look must have spurred her on. Hera's hand pressed against my stomach. "Your bastard child needs a father." Everyone in the room collectively gasped.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm not.."

"Yes," she nodded. "You are." I did not argue, Hera was the goddess of childbirth, if anyone would know, she would. "Sleeping a lot and illness are not just signs of mourning, child. They are also signs of being with child." She grabbed my hand and placed it below hers, pressing sharply into my abdomen. "Feel." First I felt my own heartbeat, then beneath it, muffled, I felt a second. "About two months in, I would say."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At first thought, I didn't want the child. Why would I want his memory to haunt me any further. But the more I thought about it on that long ride to Thebes the more I wanted the child. It was ours, our child. Considering the new information Hera brought to light, Athena spoke to Cadmus about my condition. He still wanted me and said he would raise the child as his own.

Upon arrival in Thebes the graces dressed and anointed me. I was given a gown of white and a veil adorned with golden laurels. Hera's highest priest preformed the ritual which I remember little of. I knew the pathenon was there, as were Cadmus' subjects. The entire time my mind went to my love. I feared he was watching now, from a pool somewhere in Asphodel, and heartbroken. I did not want him to know. I returned to reality at the ceremony's conclusion where the crown was place upon my head. The cheering from the mortal citizens was deafening. Truly, their lord was in the good graces of the gods to be allowed to marry their daughter.

"Here." Cadmus handed me a small package. "Thank you for consenting. I won't disappoint you." I opened the small package, inside was a beautifully ornate necklace. On the back of one piece Hephestus' mark was burned. "I told him I had trouble finding anything suitable for you."

"Thank you." I whispered back.

"Harmonia?" Mother came to me. She had a large wooden box in hand. "Some man with dark skin left this for you." Inside was a black cloak with a magnificently jeweled broach. There was an inscription on the back of the broach clip in Aramaic.

"This cloak has the power to stir up strife in whoever wears it." I translated poorly. "Great. Give me a cursed garment."

I was left in my new home that night. It was cold and lonely, everything my home on Olympus wasn't. I shared a bed with my new husband, but we did not share flesh that night. He knew I was with child and did not press the issue. From that point on, I also slept in a nightgown. Things had grown drastically different in a short amount of time.

Memoirs of a Goddess 27

Wife and Mother

I didn't love him. Cadmus knew as much. Well, I loved him as a wife loves her husband, not as a woman loves a man she truly loves. I maintained my duty as Queen by appearing where needed and accompanying Cadmus to other kingdoms for talks of peace. His theory was that living life as a warrior, he did not want to raise children in the same atmosphere. I could not understand since I had been raised as such.

Cadmus allowed me the liberty of naming this child since it was mine and mine alone. I knew that a higher power would name them as appropriate. Most immortal children were named by the fates as I myself had been. Mother said that when the time came, they would speak to me in their own way. It was obvious that this child would be immortal since both Strife and I had been gods at the time of conception. A logical deduction.

I was quite large by the winter solstice that year. An older woman had mentioned that I must be carrying a monster to be so large. For a first time mother, that was not at all comforting. I sat beside my husband on a wooden bench as his soldiers and their families celebrated wildly. The dancing was meant to be a blessing in hopes of a good harvest the following year. Little did they know that Demeter cared little this time of year. I dared not destroy their celebration. "Smile, my love." Cadmus said. "Look not so sad, they are liable to think you upset with them."

"I'm not." I said, forcing a small smile. The child within me had been particularly active lately. It always felt like a million tiny fingers poking and kicking me from the inside. Two weeks ago Hera had visited long enough to check on my progress. "Very good." She had said. "Soon." But how soon was soon. I was growing tired of being pregnant.

Cadmus had rededicated two temples in Thebes. One was to mother and one to father. It seemed appropriate. The others to Athena remained, after all, without Athena there would be no Thebes. "A toast." One of Cadmus' soldiers stood, tankard in hand. "To our King, for the wondrous festivities." The crowd cheered and he took a giant swig, most of which dripped down his chin. Drunks, I sighed. He handed Cadmus his tankard, and my husband drank. This was custom to them. They knew their king was once one of them, loved them, and understood them. "And to our Queen, without which Ares might not have given his allegiance and we might all be dead." He took another swig, wiped his chin and handed the tankard to me.

"Thank you," I said, forcing a smile. I stood to take it from him when a sharp pain pierced my abdomen. As swiftly as I stood, I sat again, dropping the tankard to the ground. Then another one.

"What's wrong?" Cadmus asked, panicked.

I looked at him. "The baby's coming."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Breathe, honey." Mom coached while clutching my hand. I was terrified. This hurt way more than I had ever imagined. "It's all worth it in the end, I promise." Looking past her I saw my Grandmother smiling. She was invisible to the midwife and servant women that rushed around getting things like hot water and keeping all men from the room. It was different from today, then, men were never allowed to watch the birth.

"You need to push, dearie." The midwife spoke from below. "Or it will never end." I did, and I screamed. Taking a deep breath, I repeated. I was hot and fast growing tired. A servant girl wiped my forehead. "I see it. Give 'er hell, dearie. It'll all be over soon." I did. I gave it hell and I screamed bloody murder for it too. Then the room was filled with the sound of a small cry, but it wasn't over. It still hurt and there were still contractions, and I cried.

Mom looked to Hera, who in turn looked confused. She put her hand to the bulge on my stomach and gasped. "Another heartbeat." What?! "One must have been masking the other."

"She's going to faint." Mother said. She shoved a knife blade between my teeth for a stress release. When I bit down, I felt better.

Hera leaned, invisibly, into the midwife and hissed, "Make this quick." Soon enough after a few more excruciating pushes it was over and the second and final child was out. I finally felt relief. Drifting in and out of consciousness a vision crossed my eyelids, this was the naming vision the fates gave. "What do you see?" Hera asked me. I don’t remember what I saw, nor did I recall what I had said until I awoke the following morning.

I felt next to death when I finally did awake. The wet nurse smiled. "Feeling better, hon?" She asked. I had slept so hard I didn't realize that I had been moved from my room while the bedding was being washed, and then returned there. There were two cradles set up there. "We'll move them to the nursery once you can walk. Most likely by this afternoon. His highness hasn't seen them yet either."

"Ah," Cadmus peeked around the corner. "She's awake? I would come to you, would your nurse allow it." I nodded and he came to my side. "I couldn't believe it when I heard it. Two."

"It's very rare." My favorite brother came to us. "Twins are very rare. But it is in your blood, sister dear." I looked at him, weary and confused. "Apollo and Artemis. Ares and Discord." He stretched his wings and pulled one child to his chest. "And now, Xander and Catastrophe. Odd names, but I'm sure the fates know what they are doing." Cupid handed Xander to me, and the nurse handed Cat to Cadmus. They were beautiful, they were my children.

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