Written by Selah

Growling in frustration I kicked aside the mountain of junk that was in the middle of the room I share with another theatre major. Both of us were packrats, and while she liked to clean, it was usually only her stuff that was special enough to actually *be* cleaned. I must confess now that I hate to clean. Despise it. Loathe it. And besides, I'm not a TOTAL slob, but I do have some pretty useless items...

I sighed deeply and fell on my bed, trying to think of what the hell I could do with all my excess junk. A slight smile formed on my lips at the sudden impulsive thought. Of course, what else do you do with worthless stuff? "I wish the goblins would come and take away the stuff I don't want anymore, right now..." I laughed, not expecting anything to really happen, I mean, J probably had SOME limits...

An explosion of glitter and a steamed GK standing in the already tiny bedroom proved me wrong.

"My dear, you know that while I may not think it safe to visit you all the time, I do have a soft spot in my heart for you, but this time..." he grumbled, "this time you have sunk to an ALL TIME LOW!"

"Nice to see you, too...you haven't visited me for nearly six months and THIS is the greeting I get?" I asked, shaking my head in disappointment. "Aren't we losing our touch?"

"Not so, why don't I show you just how much of a touch I have left..." Jareth purred and I rolled my eyes before stopping his strides by putting my foot up against his legs.

"Not now, glitter-boy (damn does it feel good to say that again!)...why are you here?"

"Why do you think? You wished something away, I have to comply...that, unfortunately, is in the rules," he grumbled, glowering at me once more.

"You're kidding me! ANYTHING wished away you have to take?" I asked, a huge grin breaking across my features as he magically produced a collection bag not unlike those used for Toys for Tots or something. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA-"

"I fail to see the humor in-"

"BWAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"THIS IS NOT FUNN-"

"-HAHAHAHAHAHA-"

"I GET THE POINT!" At that I finally managed to calm down, somewhat.

"Damn, if I had known that earlier you would have been visited by the entire children's chorus in La Boheme this summer!" I laughed, jumping up and looking around the room.

"Can't we just forget this?" he sighed and I shook my head gleefully.

"Nope, I've gotta find some gooood stuff for you to take...I don't have to solve the labyrinth to get it back, do I?"

"No, with items I have to keep them...though what on earth I'll do with a mortal's excess material items, I have no clue..."

"Give them to your Goblins for Christmas," I suggested in between giggles..."Make abstract art out of them...WAIT, HAVE A GARAGE SALE!!!!!!!!!" I blurted, the image of Jareth sitting behind a card table with a cash box trying to get rid of the UGL list's junk amusing me to no end.

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS! That's all I need, to be overrun by mortal trash!" he roared and I gave him an innocent smile.

"You're right, of course," I sighed, picking up a pair of velvet dress shoes that rip my ankles to shreds every time I wear them..."You can take these," I said, dumping them into the bag before plucking up the stupid foot callous shaver I had gotten from god knows where..."And this...and these," I added, dumping in my computer speakers that had refused to emit sound for two months now. "What else...." I murmured, glaring at him as he began to eye all my Star Wars room decor, especially the Ewan McGregor glow in the dark wall stickers (they do exist, folks!) with interest. "DON'T EVEN THINK IT!" I warned before dumping in some tattered panyhose, a bunch of fishing line, and some orange tissue paper I had no idea why I was keeping. Soon five extra bottles of hand sanitizer, a library of University of Southern Indiana brochures, and about fifty plastic wal-mart bags were added to J's growing collection. "I think that's about it for now!" I said, appraising the new condition of my room. "Thanks, darling, yer the best!" I cooed, kissing the king lightly on the cheek, him glaring all the while.

"You promise you won't tell anyone about this? The last thing I need is for them to find out that I can be a genie garbage collector for them!"

"Trust me, Jareth, your secret is safe with me!" I assured him, keeping my puppy eyes up until he disappeared haughtily. Then, oh, hehehe, then I raced to my computer and began a fateful post to UGL.

List-sibs:

It has been announced that Jareth is declaring a list-wide garage sale with all proceeds going for upgrades to certain rooms in the castle (need I say which ones?:) Wish away any unneeded items to help out! Sibs are also needed to help Jareth run the actual sale, and those who are most helpful will be first on the list to 'try out' the new renovations when everything is complete. Our king needs all assistance in this matter, so give him ANY good stuff that you don't need anymore!

~~

Once it had been sent, I sat back and let a slow grin creep across my face. Yes, it was good to be back...and what better way to remind Jareth that I was back in action?

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Written by Poledra

Laughing softly to myself. . .I looked away from the computer towards the Abyss of Death (better known as my bedroom).

Gods! All this wonderful junk just waiting for Jareth to take home with him!

Well. . .no time like the present.

Clearing my throat, I said the words in the most dramatic Southern Belle impression of Scarlet O'Hara that I could muster. (that's for you, Gemma!) "Calgon take me away! Errr. . .shit that's not right. I mean. . .Oh, I wish, I wish with all my heart. . .I wish the goblins would take away the junk in my house right now!"

I waited.

And waited some more.

And just a little while longer.

I shouted to the empty room. (Well, empty, that is, except for myself and the mounds of yummy junk.) "What the hell is this, J-dude?!?! No flashy entrances?! No glittery goodness for my enjoyment?! I think I'm actually going to cry!!

There was a vicious knock on my front door.

I scurried across the piles of clothing and magazines, followed by my cats Basil and She-ra, and ran to the living room. Leaning forward, I set one eye to the peephole in the door.

"Jaareetth, daaaaahling!" I cooed.

I stepped back and opened the door.

"Why, you don't look too happy, Kingy."

Jareth's arms were crossed over his chest, which was bare save a leather vest and his usual pendant. His hair was, if this can be said, quite messy. It lacked its usual fullness and body. And, if I was seeing correctly, it appeared to me that even his tights were in a bit of disarray.

He uncrossed his arms, leaned forward a bit, and put on hand against the doorframe to hold himself up as he glared at me.

"I assume you received some sort of message from, Selah. Am I correct?"

I nodded.

"And, I also assume that you have a considerable amount of. . .human trash. . .to dispose of in MY Underground."

I nodded again, smiling.

He hissed at me, "Do you enjoy making me angry, Amy?"

I leaned close, my nose bare inches from his, and let him feel my breath on his cheek. "Oh, yes, J. Very much. It shows you actually have balls."

"Why I-!!!!"

I giggled and stepped back as Jareth nearly tumbled across the threshold.

"Okay, J. Enough foolin' around. Let's get down to business."

I led him further into the living room. "First of all. Those two boxes next to the television. Take those. Hatter and I were going to use them to make tombstones for Halloween decorations. Unfortunately for me, Halloween blows goats this year."

Jareth recoiled at my statement.

"What?" I smiled innocently.

"Last time I visited you. . .my it *has* been a long time. . .you were so. . .so. . .docile."

"Uhhh. . .yes, well. . .not anymore. May we please continue with business?"

He sighed and crossed his arms once more.

"Follow me."

Ahh, yes. The Abyss of Death.

Jareth simply stood shaking his head. "Whatever have I done to deserve this?"

I scowled at him. "Shut up and pay attention. I'm a busy woman. I have things to do today."

I pointed to the corner. "That Museum Company sack. Take it. It has a stupid cardboard box Pope hat that Hatter made for me. Umm. . .take this."

"What the hell is that?"

I rolled my eyes. "It's the headboard to my bed. I'm a vicious kicker in my sleep. . .it took a while, but I eventually kicked it enough that it popped off my bed. Anyway. Next item. Oh. those boxes. My grandmother had a garage sale a month ago and didnt' sell all my old clothes. In fact, I have another box in the car you need to take. It's full of old clothes. Who knows. You might like some of them."

J shot me a dirty look and I just chuckled.

"Oh here. This sombrero. I don't need that anymore, I don't guess. Here is a used up gluestick. . .ummm. . .let's see. . ."

I dug around on the floor for the next 15 minutes. . .finding things like clumps of my hair, old board games, several pairs of shoes that were either torn up or didn't fit quite right, my younger sister's Britney Spears cd. I jokingly handed him one of my copies of Labyrinth.

"THIS?!?" He screamed.

"Just joking, J! Shit. . .calm down, man!" I snatched it back from him and set it on my desk.

"How about this?" He made a motion to sweep my computer off of my desk.

"NOO!!" I slapped him on the arm.

I handed him some old hats that I didn't wear anymore, some mostly-used bottles of nail polish, a used candle holder that must have been my mothers, and various other wonderful items.

"Amy. . ."

I turned around. "Yes?"

"Your cat is rubbing up against my leg."

"So what?" I looked down at She-ra. She loves everyone.

"The cat is white and my tights are BLACK. Get the damn thing away from me before I put her in the BOES."

I snatched up my cat and lovingly stroked her fur. "Poor kittie. . .mean old Jareth was going to kill you."

J sighed and looked around my room. "Is that quite all?"

I smiled. "For now. If I find anything else, I'll let you know."

J muttered to himself, "Damn listians. . .ungrateful bunch of. . ."

Sitting in her room after a weekend of mixed emotions, Dee looked around her room with a smirk. She had junk galore, stuff that would even make Jareth think twice. Not that anything she did really appealed to Jareth, it was her lot in life to be the thorn in his side. Rummaging around she found the UGLIEST PURSE IN THE UNIVERSE (tm), and dumped it in a laundry basket along with all the barbie dolls and my little ponies that she had crammed in her closet. Placing her copy of Casino Royale (that she didn't think was funny) on top, she tossed in a couple of Power Ranger action figures, her Digimon World came for playstation and some rosary beads. Stepping back, she was about to grab things from under her bed when she came face to face with her nemsis.

"No."

Dee laughed as Jareth crossed his arms over his chest. "What do you mean, no?"

"I mean", he said with a glare," That I don't need *your* junk. That purse makes me see spots."

"No is not a word I hear a lot or take much heed to, you know that." She smiled her sweetest, and added her tapes containing Sailor Moon that was taped from the WB.

"Do you thrive on tormenting me?" Jareth asked, surveying the room. Sitting and pulling boxes from under her bed, Dee only shrugged. "What do you think about this Fire Breathing Nun?.....the Janet Reno mask....err.... POGS ... How about these Sea Monkies?"

"What are Sea Monkies?" Jareth asked with disgust, the mental picture too absurd for him to take."

You can find out for yourself." Placing the box in his arms she gave him a peck on the cheek. "Don't have too much fun with all that."

"I hate you." He mummbled."

"You love me."

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Written by Kara

I smiled after reading Selah's email. So my dad wanted a garage sale huh? hmm... Perhaps I could talk him into using some of the money to fix up MY room. I looked around my room briefly, trying to think of things I wanted to sell.

"I wish the goblins would come and take away all the junk I don't want right now." I shouted, trying desperately not to laugh at the thought of my dad appearing in my room with a garbage bag to take away all my junk. He hadn't done that since I was a little girl.

"Kara!" Jareth barked from behind me as he grabbed my chair and forced me to face him. I cringed at the black look that crossed his features.

"Hi dad. How are you?" I asked sweetly, opening by baby blues innocently.

"Don't you try that look on me, young lady. I taught it to you." He scolded, and I dropped the act and crossed my arms. "Where on earth did you get the idea to wish away all your extra junk?"

"Um, Ziggy wrote the list an email saying you wanted to have a garage sale and that we should donate our extra crap to help out. She said you were using the money to update some of the rooms in the castle. I figured I could help out and maybe use some of the money for my room..."

"You're never there. You insist upon going to college and living here, so I don't see why you should care what your room at the castle looks like."

"Well I'll be back *someday*" I protested.

"Fine. If you really want to use some of the money then you will help me sell."

"But-"

"No buts. Now get your junk together and bring it to the castle. I have to go see a certain listian about keeping promises."

"Oh please, dad, you didn't honestly think she wouldn't tell the list did you?"

"Let me know if you need another bag." He said, holding out a big black garbage bag. I sighed and grabbed the bag from his hand.

"Will do. Where are we setting this thing up anyway?"

"I haven't thought about it. Find a place when you get there, and ask the goblins where they put the card tables."

"Um, dad..."

"Yes?"

"Why do the goblins have the card tables?"

"Don't ask. I'll see you later." With that he disappeared.

"Bye." I mummbled as I went to grab a few things to throw into the bag. "Let's see, I don't need this psychology book...oh and I hate this shirt. I can't believe the stuff my grandmother buys me." An hour and a heap of clothes later I transported myself to the Underground. "Now, where to find those card tables." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Written by Jade

Looking at the screen, smirking to herself, Jade shook her head at Ziggy's latest idea. Who else would have thought of Jareth taking all their junk away? Looking around herself, she wondered if she had anything she could part with. Though everyone else seemed to jump at the opportunity, Jade wasn't so sure about it.

For the lack of something better to do, she said those fateful words and found Jareth looking back at her angrily.

"Not you too?" he glared. Crossing his arms across his chest, he looked around sternly, sizing up what he was to take. "Well? Let's get on with it, I haven't got all day," he stated, boredom lacing his words.

"Here."

"What the hell is that?" Jareth asked, looking at the contraption in his hand. Noticing velcro on either side of it, made him wonder about the uses.

"A diaper," Jade replied, turning around to finish writing her story. Noticing the silence, she turned back around and giggled at the look on his face. "What? You can't tell me all your goblins are potty trained," she mused.

"I'll have no part of this, *thing*," he stated, holding it back out to her.

"Ah-ah. I know you have to keep everything," she smiled.

"Damn listians," he muttered, pulling out a bag and tossing it in. "Anything else?" he asked, rubbing his tired temples. He had so much junk now that didn't amount to much, he needed something he could make a profit on. Smiling, he looked around for more enticing items.

"I don't think so, wait..." she said, walking to the kitchen and coming back with a plate. "Take this," she handed it to him.

"Jade, what shall I do with a cake?" he asked.

"Whatever you want, eat it I don't care. Dad needs to watch his sugar, so it's got to go," she replied, opening a filing cabinet. "Oh, take this too."

Jareth leafed through the papers and winced. "Science, period 4? Good god Jade, these are from the eighth grade," he stated. "Why not burn these and get it over with?"

"Because I don't want to, okay?" she remarked, looking across the desk.

"How about that?" Jareth pointed to a picture.

"Touch that and die," she remarked quickly.

Jareth reached out and touched it. "There, I touched it. What do you intend to do about-" Jareth's sentence ended abruptly as Jade's hand hit the back of his knee, buckling his legs. Jareth fell to the floor with a thud.

"I said, don't touch that," she stated firmly.

"So you did. You have to at least give me something worthwhile," he replied, slowly getting back to his feet. "And that was underhanded my dear, just you wait," he said, raising an elegant eyebrow in an attempt to intimidate her.

"Is that a threat?" she countered.

"No, just a statement. What else?" he smirked.

"Oh I have just the thing, come on," she replied, getting to her feet. Leading him out the door, they walked through the yard until she opened the door on the south end of the barn. Peering into the darkness, she took a step inside, disappearing from his sight.

"Get in here Jareth," she called, looking around at all the crap that had taken refuge here.

Jareth gingerly stepped on the floorboards, thinking that at anytime the floor could collapse and he'd fall to his death. Looking around at his surroundings, he tried not to breathe for fear of dying of dust inhalation.

"Knock it off you big baby," Jade grinned as he pushed a pole out of his way with a single finger, as though he were afraid to get dirty. "You can have that," she pointed.

Jareth stood there staring at the metal object with curiosity. Such an odd thing and yet, he wasn't sure what it was. "That could come in quite handy," he stated as though he knew exactly what he was looking at.

"Really?" she asked with a smirk. "You have no clue what it is, do you?"

"Of course I do," he replied hastily. "It's a....it's...a...."

"Cement mixer?" she added, her voice showing a hint of mocking.

"I knew that," he retorted.

"Sure you did," she mused, looking through the other stuff. "You can have these," she said, indicating old saw blades hanging on the wall. "And these," she pointed to the countless boxes nails on a workbench.

"Why can't you give me something I can use?" he asked.

Jade looked at him. "Who doesn't use nails?" she asked, her face full of astonishment.

Jareth sighed, knowing it was a losing battle. Shaking his head, he waved her on. "How about that?" he asked, looking over a motorcycle covered with a tarp.

"No way Jareth, you'd kill yourself on that," she remarked, walking on. "But if it's a set of wheels you want, you can have this," she said sweetly.

Jareth walked to where she stood, and looked into the stall. There sat a bicycle, leaning against the hard wooden wall. "How old is that thing?" he asked.

"I don't know. I've actually not seen it ridden before," she remarked, brushing her hair back out of her face. She watched Jareth walk closer, his hand reaching out to touch the cool metal. He pulled a lever and Jade heard a ‘ding'.

"Well now, that's rather fun," he smirked, ringing the bell once again.

"Wait, you can't have that," she added bluntly. When his eyes glared back at her for even thinking of taking it back, she held her hands up in defeat. "Fine, take it."

"What else have you got?" he asked with interest, looking at her over the handlebars, his elbows holding him up.

"That," she pointed to a large metal object with an opening that revealed large metal blades.

"Hmm... Goblin disposal?" he smirked, getting from the bike and walking closer.

"No!" she bit back. "Good grief! How do you come up with such morbid ideas?"

"You must admit, the idea is tempting," he grinned.

Jade picked up a plug and slid it into the socket sending the machine to life. Massive amounts of air blew through the open space and across the Goblin King. His clothes mashed to his body, he looked as though he were going through a centrifuge. Unplugging it, Jade giggled at the sight. There stood Jareth, his hair in disarray and his eyes wide in shock.

"Are you alright?" she asked.

"Fine, why do you ask?" he asked, straightening his clothes. He noted her exasperation and smirked. He knew he could still get under her skin.

Jade didn't reply. Instead, she walked out the door only to find all the stuff sitting in a heap in the middle of the yard. "Blast it," she muttered. Walking toward the house, she heard Jareth gaining on her. Stopping quickly, she spun around and looked to her right with a smile. "Oh Jareth," she said, her voice sweet as candy. "I have something else for you. Think of it as your Christmas gift," she smiled.

"Oh?" he inquired, a look of interest on his face. "What is it?"

Jade motioned him to follow her and led him to a big box. Reaching a hand down inside, she pulled out a handful of black stuff. Smiling, she held her hand out to the unsuspecting Jareth. Dropping the items into his hand, she laughed. "As uptight as you are at times, you'll have a diamond in no time," she smirked.

"Very funny," he replied.

"Oh follow me," she stated, heading off in the opposite direction. Pulling a door open, she lifted out a metal face shield and handed it to Jareth. "We don't really use that anymore."

"And just what is it?" he asked, holding it by his thumb and forefinger.

"A welding mask," she replied.

"And I thought the others gave me junk," he murmured.

"Hey now, that's something useful," she threw back.

"For what? I don't weld," he retorted.

"So? You can watch eclipses with it, or so I've heard," she replied.

"Great, you've heard. I might just burn my retinas out but that's alright, because ‘you've heard'," he mocked.

"Fine, give it back," she responded, grabbing the mask and tugging it from his hands.

"No, you can't take it back once you've given it to me."

"Why not?"

"Because I said so," he retorted, sending it to land with the rest of the stuff.

"Oh, I have something else I need gotten rid of. Shh... You don't know what happened to them, they just disappeared, got that?" she asked, looking around suspiciously.

"Just get on with it," he replied, losing interest already.

Jade walked up to a small building and looked around. Seeing nobody, she pulled the door open and backed away. She watched as Jareth stood there staring at all the leather in such a tiny confined space. It was unheard of.

"You're joking, right?" he mused.

"Nope," she replied. "Take it all, just leave the building. They'll never even miss them."

"But dammit all, what the hell do I need saddles for?" he admonished.

"Just because?" she laughed.

A short time later, Jade had given him everything she could think of. Nothing of importance to her, but who was she to begrudge him a little more junk? Waiting patiently, she watched from the doorway to the house as Jareth took it all away, and hoped he would disappear as well, but he just stood there with his arms crossed.

"What are you waiting for?" she asked.

"Well now Jade, that is a good question," he remarked, making his way closer. Taking a step onto the porch, he smiled then jumped back. "Get that beast away from me!" he shrieked.

Jade reached down and picked up her cat. "Tigger is not a beast," she replied.

Jareth looked down at his tights, his eyes widening with realization. "That little beast tore my tights!" he bellowed.

"Then I suggest you go now, before he does more damage," she laughed.

Jareth disappeared quickly.

"Good kitty," Jade soothed, closing the door behind her.
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Written by Essy

Jareth materialised in a room he'd never seen before. He spun in a circle trying to see where he was.

One half of the room was decorated in pink, the other with trailing wires leading to a tv, games console, laptop computer, modem, radio and VCR. Both the desks were a mess, but the first desk was covered in make-up products, while the second desk was covered in pieces of a lightsaber that had been taken apart for "improvements". One wardrobe door hung open to display miniskirts and halter tops, the other revealed a mind boggling collection of sci-fi t-shirts. The books on the bedside tables were "Big Brother: The official unseen story" and "Interview with the vampire" respectively. The first cupboard door was open revealing more cosmetics. The second cupboard door was closed with a red "No Entry" sign blu-tacked to it.

Jareth shook his head. "I didn't think rooms *could* get schizophrenia!"

His eye fell upon the pile of stuff adorning the no-mans-land in the middle of the floor.

A pink mobile phone, a 5ive poster, a fluffy heart, a pink pencil case, a pink purse, a pair of pink fluffy slippers and a piece of pink and gold material that served no purpose whatsoever, were all stacked neatly under a note that read:

"I thought about wishing away my own stuff, but decided I liked it too much. Have this instead. Could you make it look like burglars, maybe? Cheers. Essy."

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