Written by Anakerie

*pictures Jareth marching up to customer service desk with semen-stained Teddy Ruxpin*

"I'd like to return this please..."

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Written by Lisa

LMFAO!!!!!!! "Sir, I know you've heard otherwise, but we do *not* take back sticky teddy bears. I'm terribly sorry."

"But....I was told I could get a new one if anything ever happened...he came with a guarantee!"

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Written by Essy

"Look, let me get my manager okay?"

"Hello, sir I understand you wish to return a bear as damaged goods?"

"That's right. I'm breaking up with him, the little hussy."

"Er...right. So what exactly is the nature of the damage and how was it sustained?"

Written by Leelee

"I'm sorry, sir, but we cannot accept any goods that have bodily fluids on them. There is a risk of disease or contamination."

"I am not diseased, you big-headed snot!"

"I'm very sorry sir."

"Look, I've put him back in the box! You don't even have to touch him! . . . And if you *did*, *I* wouldn't care! We broke up yesterday!"

The clerk exchanges a Look with the manager.

"We could take it back and 605 it."

"I guess. But *you* have to touch it. Guy who dresses like that has gotta be gay. The box could be covered in HIV germs."

"I'm not gay! Teddy, tell them that I'm not gay!"

"Sir, I never implied -"

"I have excellent hearing, you piece of toejam! Even though you were whispering, I *still* heard you accuse me of cheating on my Teddy!"

"Do you still want to return the bear or not?"

"No! He's coming home with me and we're going to have passionate sex all night long."

"I think I'm going to be sick."

Written by Caillean

Caillean walked into the KMart wearing a lovely black sequined gown with her hair piled on top of her head and affixed with sparkling diamond combs....

Written by Leelee

And Jareth ran headlong into her in his haste to get home to have passionate Ruxpin sex all night long.

"Cleanup near the front doors. I repeat, cleanup near the front doors. Thank you."

Written by P-chan

Can you imagine walking into K-mart and Jareth against the the large plated window walls, and the bear sandwhiched in between them? Humpin it at 100 mph?

Written by Leelee

Jareth walks up to the dressing room.

"Miss, where do you keep the KY Jelly?"

"That's over in the health and beauty department, right next to the pharmacy."

"Could you please show me? Also, I need an opinion on this shirt."

"Sir, that's . . . a ladies shirt. Are you sure you want it?"

"Well, I *looked* in the mens' department, but nothing had ruffles!"

Written by Essy

Having picked herself up, Caillean was just trying to mend her ruined dress when Jareth came striding out of the shop, carrying Teddy in one hand and a shopping bag in the other. She regarded him a little curiously.

"Why'd you two break up in the first place anyway?"

Jareth fixed her with a somewhat mutinous look.

"It was Teddy. He said he wanted us to just be friends."

Caillean paused for a moment, torn between leaving the conversation there and tormenting the GK unnecessarily, or pointing out how mind-blowingly stupid he was.

Decisions. Decisions.

"Jareth, you retard! A Teddy Ruxpin only comes with a list of set phrases. One of them is 'I want to be your friend', he doesn't mean anything by it."

She showed considerable restraint in not adding, 'because he's a stuffed toy and not capable of thought, you cretin!'

"Really?"

"Really."

"So this is one of those things where we just have to learn to be tolerant of each other's defects in order to forge a more lasting relationship?"

"Um...yeah."

Jareth beamed.

"Great! Now we've finished the fight, we can go and have make-up sex!"

He disappeared in the direction of the fitting rooms with Teddy.

"Jareth, wait you forgot your shopping!"

She looked into the bag, kind of curious as to what an ageless, prima-donna goblin king and his robotic, plushie, fuck-toy could possibly be buying.

A tube of lube, a twelve pack of beer, a woman's blouse, two pairs of extra thick rubber gloves, a bicycle pump, a jar of cruchy peanut butter, a toilet brush and a spatula apparently...

Caillean dropped the bag back to the floor with a nauseous look.

Oh well, since she was at the store anyway, she supposed she might as well buy some Pepto Bismol.

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