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Note -The author's name is written before their section Written by Christy Paola: (consulting her checklist) Ok, which car are we taking again?Lisa/SQ: Well my car that only fits three people without a crowbar and generally the windshield wipers turn on and off for no reason. Essy: Okie, my car leaves little oil puddles everywhere and eats only Bowie tapes in the tape-recorder. Christy: Uh my car's tank gauge is continually stuck on half full, sometimes it won't run if its been out in the sun, rain or even nice weather and the air conditioner NEVER works in the summertime. Paola: Christy's car wins. Lets go. Christy: (looks depressed) NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! That's not fair!! (sniff) I'm not special at all! Everyone: Oh yeah Christy, you're special alright... Christy: (beams) Yes I know ... I... uh... HEY! Wait a minute... ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by Christy (STILL somewhere in Indiana)Paola: Are you SURE we haven't taken a wrong turn somewhere? Essy: (dryly) Like WHICH wrong turn would you be referring to, Paola? Lisa/PP: (still buried in the depths of her map) Uh... I still can't find Buttcrack, Indiana on here people, but as long as no one has blinked yet, we should still be ok. Paola: Shut up Easy. Essy: If you didn't want my opinion, you shouldn't have asked for it, Peanut! Lisa/SQ: You'll have to forgive Lisa K everyone. She hasn't had enough sugar yet and she's on serious smut deprevation. Christy: Well, I think that we... Everyone: (out of habit) Shut up Christy. Lisa/PP: Paola, I think the little yellow lines mean you are supposed to drive BESIDE them, not ON THEM!! Paola: (looks irritated) Hey, do you want to drive? Cause ya know, I think at least I could refold the map properly. Lisa/PP: (snarls something) Essy: Now, now we all need to relax. I know exactly what you poor children need. Lets recite the 'Ode to the Sith' again, ok?" Everyone: NOOOOO!!!! Lisa/SQ: Hell no! We've recited that damn thing 20,904 times in the past half-hour and I can't ever remember what the hell a Sith IS! Essy: (clucks tongue) I don't think you people are being properly appreciative of my genius. Poledra: Are we THERE yet? Christy: If I could possibly... Everyone: Shut UP Christy! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by Essy Lisa/PP: What's with Easy?Essy: (automatically) Don't call me that! Poledra: What do you mean? Lisa/PP: Every couple of minutes she'll look out the window with this totally panicked face, then sigh and settle down again. What's with that? Essy: (Mumbles inarticulately) All: Huh? Essy: I said I was having trouble acclimatising to cars going on the right hand side of the road. Lisa/PP: (Snickering) Brit-freak! Essy: You want to take this outside? Lisa/PP: (Looks out at the vast expanse of nothingness outside the car) Are you kidding? I wouldn't take my worst enemy out there. Christy: If you'd stop arguing we could... All: Shut UP Christy! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by PP PP: (snickering) You look confused. You're confused, are you, Easy?Essy: Don't call me that! And I'm not confused. I just appear that way because all the damn road signs are in 'miles per hour'! What the hell kind of backward country do you people live in, anyway? Christy: I like it - Everyone: SHUT UP CHRISTY! SQ: Why do we keep telling her to shut up? PP: Because she dared to think her car was in worse shape than mine. My car has had so many other drivers, it's not considered a hand-me-down anymore. It's a throw-away. Paola: If this map is right, Nowheresville, Indiana should be right around . . . here! Look! There's Jade's house! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by Christy (By now, somewhere in Wyoming!!)Lisa/PP: (clutching her precious map as if aliens would abduct it or something if she let go) No way, Paola, that can't be Jade's house. According to this, we are nowhere NEAR Buttcrack! Poledra: (conversationally) You are holding the map upside down Lollypop. Lisa/PP: (coughs) I know that. I navigate better that way. Christy: That's your opinion--- Everyone: Shut UP Christy! Lisa/SQ: Now I remember. We kept telling her to shut up cause she only talked in movie quotes for the first 36 hours of our trip. Paola: After that it was just habit. Christy: (sulks) Lisa/SQ: Course... anything is better then reciting the 'Ode to the Sith' again... Christy: (with her eyes riveted to the window) Um, correct me if I'm wrong here people, but I don't think moose live in Indiana. Paola: How do you know they live in Wyoming Christy? Christy: Well... good point. Essy: AAAAAHHH!! Lisa where have you TAKEN us??!! Lisa/PP: (defensively) Its not my fault. Its this stupid map's fault. Christy: I made it through TWO sentences!!! YAY!! A record. Everyone: Shut UP Christy. Christy: Damn. Knew my streak of good fortune was too good to last... yeah, yeah I know... Shut up Christy. Everyone: (glares cause they didn't get to say it this time) Essy: Alright, alright you can talk again, but any movie lyrics and we drag you outside and tie you to the exhaust pipe. And furthermore, you must also arrange all my Dark Lord of the Sith pictures in order and keep an eye on my massive SW's download and check the peroxide job on my hair, Christy-rella!!! Paola: (smirks) Yes and you have to babysit my muse Chris and The Bunny and make my webpage your default starting page and check all my ICQ messages for me!!! Lisa/PP: Beta-read all my smut!! Lisa/SQ: Write a zillion new chapters of Laby Ride in the next fifteen minutes MULHAHAHAHAHA!! Poledra: I'll get back to you on that torture thing, yeah... Everyone: And SHUT UP WHEN WE TELL YOU TO!! Christy: (mutters something about on the next road trip she takes, how she is sure the rest of the UGL will all be perfectly comfortable in the TRUNK) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by PP Essy: Lisa, give me the map.PP: NEVER! (clutches map possessively to her chest) Paola: Did that road sign just say 'Welcome to Sleazeville'? SQ: (laughing) No, you dork! It said Leesville! (Someone is walking by the road, with a thumb stuck out, holding a sign that says 'Buttcrack, Indiana or bust!') Christy: Does she look familiar to anyone? Everyone: Shut UP, Chri - Paola: No! I think Christy's right! Christy: (muttering) About dang time they realized it . . . Essy: Pull over! (Screeching of tires and much jostling as the car screams to a halt) SQ: Michaellah! Hop on in! The more the merrier! PP: Uh . . . that's not entirely true. I mean, we're already riding buttcheek to buttcheek in the back seat - SQ: Shaddup! It's Michaellah! She's one of us! Michaellah: (to herself) What am I getting myself into? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by Poledra Poledra: You want me to WHAT?!?!Essy: Come on, Pol. It's no big deal, really. SQ: Geez! You'd think we were asking you to pull a Monica Lewinski on J! Poledra: (raising eyebrows) Now that I might do. . .But THIS?! Paola: Oh come on, you big baby! I thought you were the Dominatrix of Death? Aren't you suppose to be. . .I don't know. . .a badass or something? Essy: And you've been complaining about your hair being wet and not having had a chance to dry it. This way it will be dry in no time! Poledra: B-B-But! You want to strap a lawnchair to the roof of the car and have me ride the rest of the way sitting on it?! Michaellah: (snickering because she was the last to get picked up and she doesn't have to sit on the lawnchair strapped to the roof of the car) Christy: Wait. . .don't you all think - Everyone: SHUT UP, CHRISTY!!! Essy: Come on, Pol. And I thought the Smut Queen was whiny! Sheesh! SQ: No shit! (doing a doubletake) Heeeeyy! PP: (still clutching map to chest for fear of aliens abducting it, a crazed look in her eyes) Don't touch my map!!! No! Mine! Mine mine mine! Everyone: (all look at PP with wide eyes) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by Michaellah Michaellah: (Tosses her sign out the window as the car starts back up, then squinches herself down in the corner.) At least we're not crowded in here or anything, right? (Laughs hysterically at her little funny.)Christy: (Cast a glare at Michaellah.) Why'd we have to let her in? SQ: (Reaches back and thwaps Christy.) 'Cuz she's ONE of US! Duh! Christy: (Grumbles something unintelligible.) PP: (Casts dubious glances around the vehicle as she folds the map neatly into a tiny little packet, then stuffs it down her shirt.) MINE! (The car skids to a halt as everyone turns to look at PP.) Essy: (Groans mournfully, then crawls over a few bodies toward PP.) We need that, ding-dong! PP: (Crosses her arms protectively over her chest.) You'll never find it! (Laughs maniacally.) Paola: (Sits watching all of this, Essy's knee grinding deeper into her thigh.) Ummm... Christy: (Leans forward, catches Essy's eye.) Paola: Ummmmm... (Face begins to contort in pain.) PP: (Looks back at Christy.) Do it, and I'll tie you to the back of the car and we'll drag you the rest of the way. Christy: (Leans back, eyes wide.) Michaellah: (Chuckles at Christy.) Paola: OOOOWWWW! (Reaches up and thwaps Essy, whose knee slides off, landing her uncomfortably halfway beneath the console.) Essy: (Yelps.) PP: (Laughs insanely.) S'what you get for trying to take my map. (Sticks her tongue out at Essy, then turns toward the window.) ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Written by Essy (Suddenly Essy gets jammed even further underneath the dashboard.)Essy: What's going on? Michaellah: A wormhole just opened in the backseat. Essy: Really? (She twists around to see.) Essy: Nuh huh. I watch Farscape and that is not a wormhole. (The smallish blue tear in the time-space continuum is actually a plot hole. It spews out Gemma, Spider, Dee and Fairybite before folding in on itself and vanishing.) Fairybite: That was kinda neat. Poledra: Yeah, but there was no space in here to begin with! Gemma: It is a bit cramped, yeah. Smut Queen: (Conversationally) So Spidey, how do you feel about lawnchairs? ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Note - I've just noticed that both the unfinished RR's end with my contributions. I must cause some kind of bizzarre story-death or something... - Essy, slayer of RR's.
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