Jareth favored her with a withering glare that would have made Sarah Williams crap her pants. "Grateful? Why, if I ever get out of these ropes, I'll show you *grateful*. I'll - " Dee clamped a hand over his mouth.

"You *should* be grateful, *J*," the Smutty Secret Agent responded, with a sadistic smirk. "You need to look at the positive side of things."

"Mahrotiph?"

"What did he say?" Jen asked, bringing out a box. Dee released her hand.

"I *said*, 'positive?' What the 'ell is *positive* about this situation?" Jareth glared as hard as he could, wishing he could stare his way out.

"Well," PP began, "For starters, you're tied up." She held up a hand to forestall whatever he would have said. "Being tied up is adventurous, exciting, and," she smirked, "Kinky."

"Very kinky," Amy agreed, winking.

"And you're surrounded by females," Allie added, with a giggle. "You *always* had to be the center of attention, you egotistical - "

"I AM NOT EGOTISTICAL!" Jareth bellowed.

"You simply have a big *head*, we know, we know," Jen sighed. "Can we start now? Please?"

"Oh, *yes*," Allie replied, already choosing her weapons.

"This is nothing personal," Amy offerred, picking up a blue jar.

"Speak for yourself," PP snorted, rubbing her bruised forehead and narrowing her eyes.

"Help me," he whispered, right before they converged on him, makeup and hair brushes in hands.

Behind him, on the still-running Labyrinth movie, Jareth began his infamous line, "Just fear . . ."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"I think it makes a statement," Dee announced as the girls moved away from their victim.

"Yeah, it says, 'Am I drag Queen or a really ugly woman?'" Princess agreed, as she pulled away from Jareths reach. The room feel strangely silent as Jen got up and found a compact mirror that he could veiw himself in.

"The look is very... trailer park chic," Amy said with a grin as his mouth fell open.

"This is what happens when I don't make an appearance, his mouth is hanging open enough he could catch flies," a new voice added as the door creaked shut behind her.

"Jade!" Fairy threw herself at the newest arrival, and the silence was broken to peices as all the listians let out the laughter they had held inside.

"You are all exiled, I am not talking to any of you!" Jareth yelled, as the girls left him behind, tied to the chair to welcome their freind. "Do you not realize what I look like?!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*\

Written by Jade Joyride, the sultry seductress

"Of course we realize Jareth. What do you take us for? Fools?" Jade asked, glancing his way. "But at the moment, you really don't want my opinion."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Jareth asked, his voice on edge.

Jade just shook her head and smiled. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"What took you so long to get here?" Princess asked, looking for something in particular.

"I live in nowhere, remember? Besides, I didn't have Jareth come and badger me like the rest of you. I think he's scared of my cat," she stated, giggling softly.

"Cat? More like monster," Jareth interrupted. "That is the meanest animal to walk the earth."

"Tigger is not mean, and I can't help it if he doesn't like you," Jade commented, watching Princess digging around. "What are you looking for?" she asked.

"This," she replied, pulling her hand out in front of her. Smiling, she held a bottle in her hand.

"What's that?" Jareth asked, weary of anything she could manifest quickly, considering his present condition.

Princess smiled sweetly making Jareth wish he never asked. "Just a little bottle of wax. And it's just for you tights. You're about to get the legs to match the look," she stated, then broke out laughing at his horrified face.

"You wouldn't dare!" he bit out, struggling against his restraints to no avail. "Let me out of here!"

Princess turned to face him, an evil gleam in her eye. "Did you just dare me?" she asked, her tone dead serious.

"Will you never learn?" Amy asked, smirking at his misfortune.

Princess smiled and looked at the others. "Should we ladies?" she asked.

"Oh yeah!" Dee piped up, ready to torture Jareth.

"One question guys," Jade added.

"What?" Jen asked.

"Well just how do you suppose you're going to wax legs you can't see?" she inquired, indicating Jareth's tights.

The Smut Queen smiled widely. "Oh now won't this be a trip?" she cackled, eyeing him carefully. "We get to de-tight the Goblin King!" she laughed.

"This is going to fun," Amy said, stepping toward Jareth.

"Wait a minute!" Jade intervened. "You can't do that."

"Sure we can. It's just a simple grab and tug then viola, wax time!" the Smut Queen replied, a huge grin crossing her face.

"Yeah Jade, you really should lighten up more," Dee smirked.

"Have a little fun," Princess threw in, then turned her attention back to Jareth. "I always told you that being uptight would come back to haunt you, didn't I?"

Jareth didn't reply, his eyes were locked on the bottle in her hand. The thought of having his tights removed involuntarily, and not getting anything but smooth legs out of it, repulsed him. He didn't notice the Smut Queen and Amy sidle up beside him until he felt their hands where they shouldn't have been.

"Ladies!" he screeched, not sure if he would escape with his modesty intact. He caught Fairy's gaze. "Help me," he pleaded, feeling his tights slowly moving down.

"Why should I?" she responded, a grin spreading across her face.

"You are no better than they are," he bit out, angered that the party wasn't going the way he thought it should.

"Thanks," Fairy stated, happily. "Get him guys, show him no mercy!" she giggled.

"Whoa boy!" Princess squealed in anticipation.

"Unhand me!" Jareth commanded, but SQ and Amy continued their task.

A towel fell across Jareth's lap. "If you insist on doing this, at least give him a little dignity," Jade stated, letting go of the towel.

Princess shook her head. "Leave it to Jade to save your hide Jareth," she stated simply, then grinned. "Or rather hide your manliness from our view, but for how long?" she pondered.

With his tights around his ankles, the bottle came ever closer to him. A wicked smile on the faces of his listians, he knew they were eager and capable of carrying out the devious plan.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

Jareth felt the warmth of the wax as it hit his leg, along with the giggles from the girls around him. The warmth was actually pleasant. "Why do you girls complain about this so much?"

All he saw was Lisa King's grinning eyes, as a white hot pain engulfed his leg. As the goblin king let a scream worthy of any small girl, the Pervert Princess doubled over in laughter. "Now you know," Dee said with a grin.

* * *

"Are you still mad," Jade asked as she watched Jareth pout in the corner of the room, towel securly over his lap, his very smooth legs, red. He ignored her completely.

The girls sat around the floor, regarding him with amusment, as Dee rummaged through THE UGLIEST PURSE IN THE UNIVERSE (tm). Pulling out a large box, larger than the hideaous purse, she placed it on her lap and grinned. "Girl Talk, anyone?"

Setting up the board, that was familiar to most from the years of the ten year old sleep-over party, the girls all huddled around, with Jareth peeking in from the outskirts. "This is basicaly, girlie truth or dare, with higher stakes," Dees eyes flashed.

"Higher stakes?" Jareth ventured.

Princess began pulling bottles out of her bag. Bottles of alcohol in all shapes and sized.

"We don't drink," Jade and Fairy announced as they looked at the bottles.

"You won't have to," Jenn whispered.

"These are the rules. You answer the questions on the cards, or get a zit stiicker. For every three zit stickers, you take a shot of whatever the group chooses." Dee took in a breath. "Sound fair?"

Everyone nodded, and the game commenced.

* * *

r "Yuuu..." Jareth slurred, as he leaned over the couch, "make me...sick. You wanna know why??? Yuuu leaded mee ooooon."

The Teddy Ruxpin doll in question, stared inanimatly onward.

"I would have... married... stuff..." He hiccuped as he plopped to the ground, one of the 27 zit stickers on his face falling onto his baby smooth legs. The room was silent, as the girls just stared at him. Teddy himself broke the silence, with some line about freindship. Chaos ensued.

Fallen over with laughter, Dee picked the one zit sticker from her face, and the others did the same. Jareth was wasted, it was time to have some fun.

"Jenn, where's the phone? I think it's time for some prank phone calls."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Jade

Dee picked up the phone and randomly dialed a number. The rest of them watched as she smiled when her victim picked up the other end.

"Hello?" Dee questioned, her voice unusually soft.

"Hello," came the woman's voice on the other end.

"Is my mommy there?" Dee asked, her voice taking on a hint of youth.

"No dear, I think you have the wrong number," the lady explained.

"But she was supposed to pick me up when the movie was done," Dee whined. "What am I going to do now? I don't have any more money so I can't call my mom."

"Give me the number and I'll call her for you, okay?" the lady stated, her motherly mode kicking in.

"The number is 555-4012." Dee replied, trying to stifle a laugh.

"-12," the lady repeated. "Okay dear, I have it. Don't worry, I'll call her, you just wait for her okay?" she asked.

"Okay, thankyou," Dee replied, then hung up the phone and burst out into laughter.

"Me next!" Princess shouted, grabbing the reciever without a second thought. Flipping open the phone book, she ran her finger down the page and stopped abruptly. Looking down at the name, she smiled. Dialing the numbers hurriedly, she waited for the person to pick up on the other end.

"Here, use the speaker phone so we can all hear," Smut Queen said, pushing the button.

"Good idea," Dee replied, her smile still pasted across her face. \par \par "Hello?" the voice filtered through the speaker.

"Hello sexy," Princess said, her voice taking on an alluring tone.

"Well hello there," came the reply, the husky voice laced with interest. "What do you look like doll?"

"Well I'm five-ten with long blonde hair, blue eyes and a body made for sin," she replied as though she had said it a million times before. She glanced around at the ones who were snickering and gave them a warning look.

"Oh baby," he replied, then continued. "So honey, what color are you panties?"

Jade took the reciever and hung the phone up. "What a sicko!" she exclaimed. "Can't you find someone normal to annoy?" she asked, sitting down on the floor and crossing her legs. Pulling the phone book into her lap, she turned the pages and, without looking, picked their next number.

"I wanna go at this," Smut Queen said, happily picking up the reciever. Dialing the number, she smirked. "This should be a gas," she stated, waiting for the other side to pick up.

"Valley Cable, we aim to please your needs. This is Don, how may I help you?" the voice stated.

"Well Don, it's like this. I have had your cable company now for about a month, and so far, I see a lack in service. I don't know if I can continue with your company," she said seriously.

"What seems to be the trouble ma'am?" he asked.

"Well, quite frankly, there just isn't enough porn to suit my needs Don," she replied, still not cracking a smile.

"Porn ma'am?" he questioned, his voice almost disbelieving.

"Yes Don, porn. Would you like me to spell it out for you? P-O-R-N," she said, accenting every letter. "I wanna see them getting it on Don," she smiled.

"But ma'am, our service doesn't carry such programming," he explained.

"Oh come on, all cable companies are the same," SQ continued. "But seriously Don, if I can't have the programming, maybe you could help me out," she said smoothly.

"Me ma'am?" he questioned, his voice wavering.

"You got him Lisa," Amy whispered softly, trying desparately not to laugh and spoil it.

"Why of course Don. You've been so helpful so far," she began and smiled wider when she heard him gulp on the other end. "What do you say we get together and discuss my programming? Maybe you could program my account personally?" she asked.

Dead air....'click'

"Awe, damn. And it was just gettin' good!" she stated. "hehe I am the Queen of calls!" she called out, almost daring anyone to out do her.

Amy grabbed the reciever and smiled. "Give me a number and watch me work!" she stated, knowing she could best the Smut Queen's call. Dialing the number, she heard it ringing. "I bet I get the machine," she muttered. Sure enough, she got the message, but she wouldn't give up.

"Hello, Dr. Farley? I have been trying to get in touch with you for the last week. Well Chuck, I have this rash that I am not sure where it came from. But you know what? It didn't show up until that little office vistit I paid you a couple of weeks ago. Though you were a hottie doc, and that little romp was quite pleasing, this is unbearable, and I would be thankful if you could pay me a visist and take a look at it. Please? Call me, Barbie." she finished, making a kiss noise to finish it off.

Hanging up, she smiled. "Top that, if you dare."

Princess picked up the phone and handed it to Jade. "Come on Joyride, show us what you're made of," she snickered, grabbing the phone book. "Oh, now this has gotta be special, since she's never done this before," she said, flipping through the pages.

"How did you know that?" Jade asked, setting the phone down on the table.

Princess laughed. "Oh Jade, I know you too well," she commented. "Ah-ha, here we go," Princess said, sliding the book across the table. "Call him," she said, underlining a name.

"Lisa, this is not funny," Jade replied, seeing the name Princess had underlined.

"Dial, or I'll dial for you," she threatened. Leave it to Princess to find someone named Luke just to get under Jade's skin.

Jade dialed the number slowly, not sure what was going to happen. As the phone rang, she could feel herself tense. No, she had never done this before, but how hard can it be?

"Hello," the deep voice flowed through the phone.

Jade bit her lip, but with a nudge from the Smut Queen she took a deep breath and spoke clearly. "Hello? Hi guy, how are you?" she asked, her voice mysteriously sensuous.

"I'm fine," he replied, "How are you?" he asked, trying to get her to reveal something. It was apparent that he didn't have a clue who she was.

"Same as always Luke," Jade replied, her sultry voice just for him.

"Do I know you?" he asked softly.

"I don't know. Do you know me Luke?" she asked, her voice toying with him.

"I'm not sure," he replied, and yet he didn't hang up. "Talk some more."

"What would you like to talk about?" she asked, wishing the call was over.

"Anything," he replied.

"Well, I've always wondered something Luke," she began, her voice steadily reeling him in. "Will you answer me a question?" she asked softly.

"Yeah, sure, anything. What do you want to know?" he replied eagerly.

"Well..." she started, not sure what she should say, then suddenly it hit her. A line worthy of the smut court. "You're pants are always so tight. Where do you keep your lightsaber?"

Soft chuckling came from the other end. A question that would have made most men falter didn't seem to phase him in the least. "Would you like to see?" he inquired.

Jade giggled. "Maybe another night. I have to go now," she said.

"Okay, call me?" he replied.

"You get some rest and I'll call you tomorrow," she stated with no intention of calling him again. Hanging up the phone, she smiled. "There you have it. Jade the sultry seductress has conquered him," she stated, smiling at the shocked faces around her.

"I didn't think you'd do it," Princess said.

"Me, neither," SQ added.

Dee shook her head. "Damn girl, that was good. Okay, who's next?"

"Wait," Fairy interupted. "Where's Jareth?" she asked.

"He was just here," Jen added.

"That intoxicated moron," SQ started. "Where could he have gotten off to? He's still tightless last time I looked. And believe me, I looked!" she grinned.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"Dammit, I forgot to lock the door," Jenn moaned, while the others all snickered.

"That's one way to keep a man, lock him in." The pervert princess giggled, to the point of falling off the couch.

"He's drunk, in a town he knows nothing about, I bet he hasn't gotten very far." Jade reasoned, as she put the phone book away.

"Hey, where is my purse?" Dee yelled. "And is that Jareth's shirt?"

"He's naked! Ahhh!" Lisa W. squeeled in glee, while Fairy looked ill.

Glancing around, giggles erupted as they realized what other items are missing. "Teddy Ruxpin," Jenn snorted.

"Girl Talk zit sticker," Dee grinned.

"The hot wax...." Amy choked out.

The girls all exchanged looks as they ran for the door.

* * *

Somewhere down the street...

* * *

"Do you think I'm pretty..." Jareth slurred, as he stuffed the silver lipstick back into THE UGLIEST PURSE IN THE WORLD, tm, and held it daintily on his arm.

Teddy looked straight ahead.

"You tease," he mummbled between hiccups. He stumbled unsteadily, as he fasted his tights around his head in a make-shift turban. A car drove by, and he squinted in the lights, the shine off his lily white flesh blinding.

"Here I am," he sighed. "Naked as the day I was born giving you my heart. Love me..." He stumbled, and landed on Teddy, he squished under his weight. "You slut! You would lay down just like that!" Jareth looked horrified, as he balanced the hot wax over the bear. "You're going to like this..."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Jenn's scream sent the wax flying down towards Jareth's very naked lap.

SPLASH.

The girls stopped dead. The world was silent, as realization struck. One by one, they all looked at Jenn and Dee who were closest.

"Nu uh!" They shreiked. "There is no way in *HELL* we are pulling off that strip of wax!"

Jareth looked at all the girls, the laughter ringing in his ears and layed down with Teddy. "Shh!" He cooed softly. "Mom and dad will approve when they realize it's love...."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Jade

"Oh good grief," Jade muttered, looking at the example Jareth was setting. "We have to get him back to the house."

"Why?" Princess replied, a smirk on her face.

"Because it's nice," Jade replied, looking at her with astonishment.

"Oh but we don't do nice things for Jareth," Dee commented, a wicked grin lighting her features.

"So you'd leave him in the street?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"You got it toots!" Princess replied happily.

"Well I can't," she said, walking toward Jareth

"Yeah, we should have guessed that," Dee snickered.

"Jareth, lets get you home, okay?" Jade said softly.

"Oh but I am home, my dear," he replied, pulling the bear closer to him.

Removing her jacket, Jade shook her head. No wonder they take advantage of him while he's drunk. He's too easy a target. Draping it across his shoulder's, and hopefully covering his naughty bits, she tried to help him to his feet, but in his condition, it was difficult.

"Come on Jareth, on your feet sunshine," she said, pulling him up slowly.

"Is the party over?" he asked, a pouting expression filling his features.

"It is for you," she replied.

"I'll take care of the wax!" SQ said, grabbing Jareth's other arm.

"Oh you are such a dear Lisa," Jareth stated, unaware of just 'where' the wax was.

"No Lisa," Jade grinned. "You'd get too much pleasure and probably torture him to death."

"So what are we gonna do with the dork?" SQ asked, looking at the others.

"What aren't we going to do? He's passed out," cackled Princess.

Just then, a pair of headlights lit up the road before them. A car made it's way slowly toward the group and they glanced at each other, then realized how precarious their situation was. A naked man with a group of girls, not a considered decent in most places.

"Shit!" Princess said, watching the approaching car come to a stop.

A man in uniform stepped out, holding a flashlight. Looking over the group, his eyes landed on Jareth. "Is that man inebriated?" he asked, flashing the light at Jareth's face.

"Um," Fairy started, looking to Dee.

"Well..." Dee added, looking to Jen.

"Officer," Jade spoke up. She squinted when the light fell into her eyes. Looking at Princess, she motioned her over to grab Jareth. Passing him off, she slowly neared the Policeman, thinking wildly of some way to talk their way out of it.

"And you are?" he inquired, his face set in stone.

"Jade, sir," she replied, smiling faintly. "He's just going through a rough time right now. You see, his girlfriend just broke up with him," she said sadly.

"His girlfriend? Would one of you be the girlfriend?" he looked over them.

"That'd be me!" SQ interrupted, drawing his attention.

"You?" he asked, looking her over, trying to decide if she was old enough for a man of his age.

"And what's wrong with that?" she asked, noting his accusation. "I am old enough to do as I please, and if I want to jump his bones, then by golly I will!" she declared.

The officer took Jade by the arm and pulled her off to the side. "She left him?" he asked.

Jade nodded.

"Heck, I'd get drunk for joy if my girlfriend left me. But he's got a handful with that one. Whew," he said, shaking his head and looking back over his shoulder. "I'll let it go this time, but get him home and let him sleep it off."

"Yes sir," Jade replied, as she watched the officer walk back to his car and get in. As the car drove off, Jade turned around and grinned, "He bought it!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah, well he's getting heavy!" Princess responded. "He's all dead weight now. Help!"

Fairy and Dee took a hold of one of his legs and lifted him off the ground. "Who would have thought he'd weigh so much?" Dee asked, looking straight ahead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at Jen's, they walked inside and abruptly dropped him on the floor.

"Oops," Princess smiled sweetly.

"Oops?" Dee replied. "There was no oops about it! He was heavy damn it!"

"Okay, but guys," Fairy interrupted. "How are we going to get the wax off without him knowing about it? He'll kill us!"

Each of them glanced at the other, trying to think of some scheme that might just work. After minutes of deliberation, they still didn't have a clue.

"I have an idea," Jen stated. All eyes turned to her in the hopes of saving their very lives from the wrath of a hairless Goblin King.

"Well, what is it?" Jade asked.

"Ice!" she replied.

"You want to put ice on him?" Fairy asked, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"Why not? It should harden the wax, and then SQ can just slip it off. Who'd be the wiser? Besides it works for gum," she rationalized.

"It's worth a try," Dee said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Get the ice," SQ commanded.

Jen walked to the kitchen and pulled ice from the freezer. Wrapping it in a towel, she carried it back and handed it to SQ. "You do the honors?" she asked, her voice showing a bit of amusement.

"Damn straight! I'll take care of it, no problem," SQ remarked, walking closer to Jareth. "You sure this is gonna work Jen?" she asked, looking at the sleeping Jareth at her feet.

"Well, not a hundred percent, but more than fifty," Jen replied.

SQ approached the still form and took a deep breath. "Okay, nurse," SQ called.

"You go Jade," Princess said, pushing Jade toward SQ.

"Why me?" she asked, taking a step back.\

"Don't worry Jade, there ain't nothing to it. It's not as though I have never seen one before," SQ stated, looking down at the wax with a grin. Then it suddenly hit her. "Shit, Princess, you get up here and leave Jade be."

Princess walked past Jade, sticking her tongue out in the process. Stepping up next to SQ, she glanced down and smiled wide. "Oh baby!" she said enthusiastically.

"Here, hold this," SQ said, handing her the towel filled with ice. Taking a cube, SQ kneeled down, and carefully applied the coolness. "Heh this isn't so bad," she said.

She no sooner said that, when Jareth suddenly jumped to his feet. "What the bloody hell do you think you're doing, Lisa?!" he yelled, not at all amused by the cold upon his, shall we say 'questionable area'.

"I was just trying to help you out Jareth, sheesh!" SQ replied, getting to her feet, and accidentally catching Princess off guard with her arm. Princess started to fall back, and the towel flew from her hands and landed on Jareth.

"Lisa!" He scolded, standing in the middle of an ice pile.

Princess giggled when she saw what happened. Regaining her composure, she smoothed her clothes. "Well dear boy, I'm so sorry, but it seems as though I had an accident."

"Looks more like he had an accident!" Dee exclaimed, pointing at the puddles of water left from the ice.

Jareth looked down and sighed. Shaking his head, he couldn't believe that he encouraged them to have a party. All of them together spelled trouble with a capital t for him. "What is this?" he asked, noting the only piece of clothing on his body.

"My jacket," Jade replied softly. "Couldn't let you roam around butt naked, now could I?"

Jareth put a hand across his eyes. He felt a sudden headache coming on. "Then suppose you explain the ice?"

"It was Jen's idea," Fairy said, pushing Jen closer.

"Well it seemed like a good idea at the time," Jen explained.

"What did?" he asked, completely oblivious to his situation.

"Good god Jareth! You spilled wax in your lap and we were trying to help you out!" Princess bit out.

Jareth glanced down and his jaw dropped. "What the hell did you do to me?!" he bellowed.

"More like, what did you do to yourself," Dee snickered.

"Hopefully you have learned what happens when you drink too much," Jade threw in.

"Yeah, the hard way!" cackled Princess.

"Now Princess, behave yourself," SQ scolded. "Now, why don't you go freshen up a bit Jareth, and we'll find another activity that you might like."

Jareth pulled the jacket around his body and wandered off toward the bathroom, Princess and Dee watching his back.

"Now what torture can we bestow upon him?" Princess asked in a Sithly manner, rubbing her hands together evilly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Princess

dislaimer: No electronic bears were harmed in the writing of this round robin. Several persons may have been added against their knowledge and/or consent. Please do not attempt bodily harm on the author.

"Prank phone calls," Lisa the Smut Queen intoned dreamily.

"Hot wax," Jen squealed, rubbing her hands together. Jade hung her head and mumbled something about finding new friends; specifically, some with morals and a bit of decency.

"Girl Talk, with alcohol," Dee whispered reverently, as the entire group fell silent.

"Teddy Ruxpin," Essy said solemnly. Everyone burst into either giggles or full-out laughter. Fairy fell off the couch, clutching her stomach.

A scream of pure torture interrupted the festivities. It sounded suspiciously girly.

"What the fuck was that!" the Smut Queen gasped.

"Jareth!" Dee cried, and set out at a dead run toward the bathroom, the UGL gang close on her heels.\

When they reached the bathroom door, all was silent.

"Did he die?" Fairy asked.

"Did he see his reflection in the mirror?" the Pervert Princess asked. "I mean, he's not wearing very much makeup right now. Maybe seeing those wrinkles gave him a heart attack."

The Smut Queen snickered. "He should know by now that when it gets cold and wet *every* guy has wrinkles on his - "

"STOP!" Jade yelled, covering her ears.

"TMI," Essy chimed in. "TMI!"

Jareth once again shrieked like a little girl. Nearly everyone jumped.

"That doesn't sound too good," Fairy whispered.

"That's it! We're going in!" Dee declared, shouldering her way to the front. "On three, this door's going down! One! Two!"\

"Wait! Try the handle!" Jen reached out and turned it. "See? There's no reason to destroy my house! It's unlocked!"

Slowly, the door swung open. A collective gasp was issued at the sight that greeted them.

Once again, Jareth screamed like a little girl.

"He looks like a demented drag queen!" someone whispered.

"Rollers! The Goblin King uses *rollers*!"

"Shut UP, Christy!"

"Christy's not here! *I* said that!" the Pervert Princess replied indignantly. Essy promptly clobbered her over the head.

"OW! Sonuva -"

"Watch it, apprentice."

"Yes, my Master."

"Shut UP, you stupid Sith-wannabes!"

Essy and Lisa turned as one to face the group. Purple lightning crackled around the Brit's fingertips. The American growled savagely.

"Oh, knock it off," Jareth snapped. "It's only temporary. All of this will go away: the rollers, the face mask, the corset . . . it's all just my nightly routine."

Dee, Essy, Lisa, Lisa, Fairy, Jade, and Jen all stared increduouly at the Goblin King. He still had no tights on. He still had hot wax on his naughty bits. He still had Teddy Ruxpin in his hand.

"Oh, you poor thing," Jade crooned softly, taking a step forward.

"Thank you," Jareth replied. "At least *someone* feels pity for me!"

"I meant Teddy."

"Ha ha! She stiffed ya!" the Smut Queen laughed.

"Jareth, you have to do something about that wax," Jen told him, biting her lip to hold back the giggles.

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked savagely. "Take it off? I don't think so!"

"I'll take it off," the Pervert Princess offered.

"Keep her away from me!" the Goblin King shrieked, once again sounding like a school girl.

"The ice didn't work, Jarie," Dee reminded him. "You'll have to . . . you know . . ."

"No," he whimpered. "Please."

But the group of listians advanced anyway.

The shriek of the Goblin King was heard a mile away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Written by Jade

"There now, that wasn't so bad, was it?" SQ asked, her voice soothing.

"Yeah, come on Jareth. It wasn't that bad," Dee stated.

"And just what would you know about it? Hm? Have you ever had malicious hooligans rip wax from your body before?!" he bellowed, walking funny from the recent events. With a towel wrapped around his slender body, he followed close behind Princess.

"Oh come on Jareth, get a grip!" Princess turned and replied sarcastically, but never expected what was to come. Before she knew what hit her, Jareth smiled and found a grip pleasing to his hands. "Not on me you idiot!" she screamed, beating his hands from her body. "You'll pay for that Jareth," she stated as she plotted her revenge.

"Promises, promises," he replied, a taunting smile playing on his lips. "Where are my clothes?" he asked, looking around the room they were left in.

"Your clothes?" SQ asked, looking him up and down with a smile.

"Yes, I left them right here," he said, pointing to a vacant chair.

"How are we supposed to know?" Fairy replied.\par \par "Which one of you took them?" he asked, his voice showing a trace of anger.

"Why do you automatically assume we took them? You could have just misplaced them," Dee answered.

"Because I know you, and the whole lot of you are evil," he replied.

"I resent that!" Jade retorted, crossing her arms across her chest. "And just for that, I'm sure you'll enjoy your clothes. They're in the kitchen," she said, walking from the room.

"See, I told you someone took them," he rambled as he neared the kitchen door. "Why you think you can-" he began but stopped dead in his tracks. Looking across the way, his eyes beheld a wondrous sight. His tights stood on their own accord. "What the?"

Dee watched him near his prize and smiled widely at the look on his face as he turned to regard them. His words are far more profane than I dare write, and came out so fast, not one soul could understand anything he said.

"What is the meaning of this?!" he hollered, picking up his tights.

"What did you do Jareth? Too much starch?" Jen asked, laughing at the sight. There was Jareth, holding a stiff pair of his best tights in his hands.

"Who the hell froze my tights?!"

"Froze?" Princess inquired, trying in vain to hold onto her laughter.

"Out of my way ingrates," he mumbled, making his way toward the bathroom again.

"Are you going to spend the whole night in there Jareth?" Fairy called, her voice silenced by a familiar hum. "That fool is trying to thaw them out with a hair dryer!"

Laughter filled the room as they pictured his tights drenching the floor on which he stood with an electrical appliance in his hand. A scream filled their ears and Princess grinned, mumbling about paybacks.

Jareth appeared, his hair standing on end, and glared. "You could have warned me."

"And miss out on toasted King?" Princess replied, her Sithly grin chilling.

"I hate you," he muttered, pushing his way through their little group. Sitting down on the couch, he conjured a crystal and gazed at its perfection. The simple beauty from this shimmering orb alleviated his thoughts of the evening so far. He found himself entranced by its beauty, but it was suddenly plucked from his fingertips.

"No magic, fancy pants," Princess stated, holding his ball within her hand. "You must survive on skill and skill alone," she giggled, walking away.

"They are going to be the death of me," he muttered

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What are you doing?" Fairy asked, watching Jade curiously.

"Experiment," she replied, ripping the tape off and placing the strip next to the other four.

"Of what?"

"You'll see," she grinned. Peering into the room, she watched Jareth straighten out a blanket on the floor. With no magic, there was no way he could escape.

Soon as Jareth drifted off to sleep, Jade and Fairy quietly made their way across the room, the strands of tape in their hands. As quietly as they could, they were determined to give Jareth a night to remember. Standing up, they slowly backed away, their laughter getting the better of them.

Jareth opened his eyes slowly to see Fairy standing not far off. With a smile, he went to get up to give her a bit of company. To his amazement, he couldn't move. "What's going on?" he asked, trying in vain to get up off the floor.

The rest of the group came running at his shouts, not wanting to miss one embarrassing moment, and immediately burst into laughter. Pointing, giggling, and snickering filled the surrounding space, tormenting Jareth further.

"How the hell did you manage that Jarey?" Dee snickered, not believing what she was seeing.

"Get me up!" he ordered.

"Not a chance tights," Princess replied, a wicked gleam in her eye. "What nutcase did this?" she cackled.

"You like?" Jade asked, grinning

"You....did this?" Princess asked, amazed.

"Yep," Jade replied.

"I'm impressed!" Dee snickered.

"Now what would any sane woman do to a man who couldn't run away?" SQ asked, her voice soft.

"Don't even go there," Jade warned.

SQ laughed. "Don't worry toots. I won't."

"So, what should we do? Chinese water torture?"

"You'll do nothing of the sort! I am your king dammit!" he bit out, just before a stray piece of duct tape covered his mouth.

"Oh that's so much better," grinned Jen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Easy Essy, The Smut Duchess

Princess sidled over to Essy, while the others were busily tormenting Jareth (again).

"Master?"

"Yes?"

"What's with Jade? She just taped His Royal Tightsness to the floor. That's not like her."

"That's not Jade."

"WHADDYA MEAN THAT'S NOT--" Essy gave her apprentice a warning look and she continued in a quieter voice. "Whaddya mean that's not Jade?"

"Fear-anger-hate-suffering isn't the only route to the dark side, y'know."

A look of wonder crossed Lisa's face. "What did you do to her?"\

"Hypnosis. The effects are strictly temporary. They'll wear off in a couple of hours, but for now, instead of Jade we have her evil alter-ego...Mara."

"Should we tell the others?"

"I figure they'll find out soon enough. We should probably keep an eye though."

They headed over to where the others, led by Mara, had found a pack of permanent markers and were busily covering the goblin king in obscene graffiti.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"Too easy," Dee sat back while the other doodled on the naked one, Jade leading the pack. "I need a challenge."

Her mutterings were ignored, as everyone sat back and admired their handy work. Jareth looked like a member of Kiss who had run into and pissed off a gang of spray paint bearing street punks. Princess burst out laughing, her sides aching, and Essy soon followed.

"I hate you." Jareth spat out the words, his eyes on the ceiling. "Every last one of you vile, bloodsucking vultures. You feed on my pain and torment, and laugh at my indignity."

"You're point?" Jade prodded.

"Hey, face it kingy. Some guys would *pay* us for this stuff." Princess smiled.

Essy nodded in agreement. "Kinky. We know how you like kinky."

"So what if I like wearing womens lingere, foreplay in the form of Barbie doll role playing, or even fantasize about a certain spy with bad oral hygeine. *NONE* of that makes me deserve *you all*." Jareth crunched his face up in anger, though he only looked pathetic.

"What now? We've already humilated Jareth enough for this half an hour," Lisa W. sighed as she flopped down onto the couch.

"Super Model Biography Hour?" Dee answered with a giggled. "And *NO*, you all can't be Iman."

"Then I'm not playing," Fairy announced with a giggle. "Although, I do think we should watch some anime."

"Or..." Dee started, but Jade finished. "We can make Jareth watch it."

Dee and Fairy locked eyes. "UTENA!" They wailed in unison and hurried themselves prepping the tapes.

Jenn could only giggle. "If Jareth wets himself or commits suicide over this, I am *not* cleaning this up. I don't care that this is my house."

Essy smiles a sithly grin. "I volunteer Princess, being the maid of the ROR. It'll help her hone her rage."

Princess only glared as the first strains of Japanese music filled the air. On the screen a slim, sexy male with long red hair filled the screen. "NOOOO!" Jareth wailed in a way that Luke Skywalker would have been proud.

"But he is your father!" Jade yelled, looking off into space. "Luke...." She reached out to empty air, her expression spacey.

Everyone stopped and looked at her, for once in their lives.. silent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Jade

Standing still, with all them watching her staring off into space, Jade couldn't keep a straight face any longer. A smile broke out across her features. "Gotcha!" she said, giggling when she saw the look on their faces. Shaking her head, she walked from the room.

"What's with her?" Dee asked.

"You can blame Essy," Princess replied. "Ow!" she exclaimed as she was thwaped on the top of the head. "Sorry my master."

"That's one way to keep her in line," the SQ laughed.

"No! Make it stop! I'll do anything!" Jareth's voice cut through the air, causing the whole group to turn around and stare at him. Lying on the floor, his body taped down with gray duct tape, he was the epitome of helpless. His eyes shut tight against the horror playing out across the screen in front of him. Quivering in fear, he wished this night was over and he could go back to his life, safe in the Underground with no listians tormenting him.

"Oh for god's sake Jareth," SQ stated, walking to the television set and turning off the anime. "There, are you happy now?" she asked, watching him peek at her through the sliver opening of just one eye.

"That's so much better," Jareth answered, sighing deeply. "Now if you would be so kind as to let me up, I would be forever grateful," Jareth purred.

"Nuh-uh Jareth. I think you're safer there, not to mention you make a wonderful sculpture to gaze at," she grinned.

Jareth gulped, knowing he was there for all the world to see, then smiled. "Well then, Lisa dear, if you like to look, why not touch?" he asked smoothly.

The cries of the women surrounding him cut through the cool night air like a sharp knife..."EW!" Hurrying in all directions, they were soon out of Jareth's sight.

"Well now, that's more like it," he murmured to himself, soaking up the peace and quiet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jade stood in the middle of a small room, pulling on some string. Smiling, she went about her task, never noticing the door opening behind her.

"Jade," SQ said, quietly closing the door.

Startled, Jade jumped. "Don't do that to me. Trying to give me a heart attack or something?" Jade replied, looking past SQ to the door. "You weren't followed were you?" she asked in a hushed voice.

"No," SQ replied, looking at her strangely. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason," she answered, then went back to what she was doing.

"Jade, what are you up to now?" SQ grinned.

"It's a present," Jade replied.

"Uh huh, for who?" SQ asked.

"Well it's a surprise," she replied, her voice barely a whisper. "Want to help?" she asked, smiling at the SQ.

"Sure, what do I have to do?" SQ replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Maybe we should catch some shut eye before he gets free. That way we'll be wide awake and ready for his retaliation," Fairy suggested, yawing mid-sentence.

"Sounds fine to me," Dee replied, pulling a sleeping bag out onto the floor.

"Where's the sleeping bags?" Essy, the evil Sith Lord, asked.

"Here Easy... I mean Essy," SQ cackled, smiling wide at the anger that seemed to flow through Essy's eyes. "You can use mine. I'm not tired," she finished, glancing back toward the door that led to Jareth.

"Thanks Lisa," Essy replied, making herself comfy.

Every last one of them, save two, rested peacefully. Soon, all was quiet except for the hushed giggles that were heard faintly by the Goblin King.

"Okay, ready?" SQ asked, looking across their unsuspecting friends.

"Ready," Jade replied, holding rope in her hands.

"Let's do it," SQ said.

"Sh, we don't want to wake them ahead of time," Jade stated, twisting the rope around her wrist. "Go get Jareth."

"You got it toots," SQ replied, walking away and quickly returning with Jareth.

"Good grief Jareth, cover yourself!" Jade stated, looking shocked that he'd still be in the buff.

"But Princess said no magic, so what can I do?" he grinned.

"Do it anyway or I'll hurt 'cha," SQ threw back with a withering glance.

In a second, Jareth stood fully clothed and grinning like the devil. "So what are we up to?" he asked, rubbing his hands together like a dirty little thief.\

"Quiet," Jade insisted, handing Jareth the string. Telling him what to do, Jade and SQ watched him walk off towards Dee and Princess. "That should keep him busy for a bit," she whispered.

SQ stifled a laugh, and slowly walked toward her bag, where Essy lay snug as a bug in a rug. Looking at Jade, SQ kneeled down, looping the rope through the end and handed one end to Jade, taking the other across the room. Tying it down, she smiled and went toward Jareth.

Jade silently tied the bag snugly with string, then went to help the others. When they had finished, Jareth took the end of the rope and with a wicked grin, he pulled hard, yanking Essy into the air.

Essy screamed, in turn waking the others, as she was hefted into the air, tied inside the bag, and left to hang from the ceiling.

Princess and Dee woke up in the middle of mess. They were booby trapped with sting. Dee got to her feet, a mistake from the start, and a bucket of water fell on Princess. "Dammit Dee! Watch what you're doing and be careful!" she screamed.

"Sorry!" Dee yelled back, standing still with string on every side of her. "How are we gonna get out of this Lisa?"

Princess got to her feet, watching for what bad thing would happen. A cup of honey oozed down over Dee, standing helplessly in the middle of her string prison. "Princess! Dammit woman! You tell me to be careful, you better damn well do the same. Now I'm all sticky," Dee whined, her hand contacting another precarious string. Instantly, a fan could be heard and glitter flew through the air attatching itself to Dee and Princess.

Those that were left, laughed so hard their sides ached. Jareth tied off the rope to leave Essy right where she was. Princess and Dee, the pair sparkling prettily in the light, were slowly making their way out, but they still had a long way to go.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!" Dee shreiked, the goey sparkly mess getting into her contacts. "NO IT WILL BE *WORSE* THAN DEATH."

Princess worked some of the glitter out of her hair, tripping over the final string and onto her face with an "oof!". "This is low, even for you Jareth."

Jareth looked at the SQ and Jade, realization dawning that he was taking the blame. "They did it."

"Sure Jareth, I suggest you start running. *NOW*." Dee lunged at him, her goey hands missing and coming in contact with Fairy who squealed.

"Hmph, mph DMPH!" Essy wiggled, still strung up to the ceiling.

"Dammit, get her down." Princess motioned to Jenn, hoping she had something to cut her down.

"I got it!" SQ announced with a grin, as she promptly let go of the rope, sending Essy flying down to collide with Jenn.

"DIE, BASTARD!" Essy pulled free of the sleeping bag, ready to kill. Jenn got up and rubbed her head, while Fairy furiously pushed glittery honey off of her person.

Dee looked at Princess, eyes gleaming.

Together they looked at the snickering SQ and at Jade. Again they looked at one another, then at the open back door where Jareth had fled.

"I'll get the hose," Princess announced, running out the door.

"I suggest you start running," Dee said with a smile, seeing the look of terror on their faces. "Think of this as instant cleanliness as well as instant payback!"

"You wouldn't..." Jade started, as she heard the spray of water and Jareths yelp. "You would."

"Hells yes!" Dee ran her fingers through her sticky hair. "Unless you want to be covered in this glue, I suggest you get going!"

Fairy laughed, while she and Jenn ran to a safe place to witness the revenge, while Dee chased after the Smut Queen and Ms. Joyride. Cornering them out the door, she smiled in satisfaction as Princess turned the hose away from the Goblin King who was laying in a fetal position and toward their tormenters.

Dee was laughing so hard she never heard the door lock behind them, and the window above her open.

"Water-balloon anyone?" Jenn asked with a grin.

Princess giggled as the first red orb hit Dee square in the head, sending rivulets of honey and glitter to the ground.

"DAMMIT!" Dee shreiked, fists clenched. "DAMMIT TO HELL!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Kara Benton, The Brazen Brat

Jade and SQ let out a shriek as Princess assaulted them with a steady stream of cold water. Dee was cursing everyone in sight as balloon after balloon fell on her honey-coated head. Princess was cackling with delight as she tortured Jade and SQ, when suddenly the water pressure of the hose began to weaken and eventually trickled down to nothing.

"What the...? What happened?" Princess looked to where Jareth lay, shivering on the cold, wet, cement, and then back to Jade and SQ, who were looking around in confusion. "This damn hose must be broken." Princess mumbled as she lifted the nozzle to her face to exam it. Suddenly, the water pressure returned full force and Princess found herself with an eye full of water. "Ack! Who did that? Dee! That wasn't funny!" Princess shouted as she struggled to throw the hose to a spot that would keep the water from spurting in her direction.

"I didn't do it! I'm over here being attacked by-" Dee was interrupted as another balloon crashed into her arm, "honey and glitter filled balloons while you have your fun torturing Jade and SQ! Look at me! I'm all sticky!" Dee screeched as she attempted to wipe off some of the sticky substance.

"This should help!" A voice shouted from above her a split second before she was doused with a bucket full of warm soapy water.

"Ahh! Who the hell did that?!"

"Kara!" Jade shouted when she spotted her 'partner in crime' laughing hysterically on the roof.

"You really ARE a brat, you know that? That's it! This is war!" Dee screamed up at the troublemaker.

"I don't know what you're so upset about, Dee. I was only trying to help you get cleaned up." Kara replied, barely able to control her laughing.

"Uh huh... Well, we'll see about that, won't we, brat?" Dee said as she ran into the house.

"Where's she going?" Kara asked suspiciously.

"I don't know, but I suggest you get down from there quickly." Jade replied. "We have to prepare a counter attack."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Fairy

Fairy stops throwing the balloons as she sees Dee run into the house. "Che... I think we better move it, Jen," she said to her partner in crime. She looks around frantically and notes a closet in the room, which she runs to, pulling Jen in and the door shut after her.\

"Shhhh..." She whispered. "I think she's coming..."

The two of them stayed completely still, barely daringto breathe..

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"I know you are in here!" Dee cackled, throwing open the door, to a very empty room. The window was open, though, and filled balloons littered the floor. "Suspicious...."

Sticking her head out the window, the picked up two of the balloons, and landed them square on Jade and Jareth with a splat. Below her, Princess giggled, before diving away from Kara who now had possesion of the hose. Closing the window, Dee clicked out the lights as she walked out, and shut the door.

Downstairs, she pulled a small black camcorder from her purse and clicked it on. Putting herself squarely on screen, she smiled and pressed record. Sneaking to the windows, she watched as Princess and Kara struggled for the hose, while Jade and the SQ were trying to get Jareth to uncurl from the fetal position. The ground was a wet mass of glitter and honey, and it was getting really late.

Turning the camera to herself, Dee smiled and said, "Do you know where your children are?"

Panning on on Teddy Ruxpin, she clicked it off, and buried in the purse. She would add that to the pile of Jareth blackmail when she got home. Turning on the nearest radio, to the disco station, she turned up the strains of Donna Summers "Hot Stuff" and threw open the doors.

"Hey JARETH!" She screamed, catching Princesses eye. "Did you know that Jen has a *WHOLE* closet full of Barbie Dolls upstairs? And Ice-Capades Ken with the long hair!"

As the shaking, wet rat that was the goblin king ran into the house, Dee could only snicker at the thought of the look that would be on Essy and Fairy's faces when they got a load of him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Jen

I giggled along with my fellow SWA member as we hid in the closet, trying desperately to keep from laughing.

Placing my hand on the door, I slowly pushed it open, peering out cautiously before tip-toe-ing to the front room where teddy ruxpin and Jareth's clothes had been left.

Giggling quite maniacally, I snuck Jareth's tights into the deep freeze in the garage, his shirt into my bedroom in my special hiding place.

After grabbing up the teddy ruxpin, I headed back for the closet, and, upon entering the small dark space, closed the door behind me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by the Smut Queen

Shivering my ass off because they soaked my clothes, I ran inside into someone's room and searched their drawers for something warm and dry to wear. Finding a pair of blue jeans that were just a little baggy on me, a black t-shirt, and a hooded sweatshirt, I quickly changed my clothes before anyone walked in.

Being slightly bored, and always very nosy, I started to look around the house. I went into a couple of different rooms, noticing the odd little keepsakes they had, and was about to go to the next room when I heard a slight rustling sound. "What the hell...!" I thought to myself, and as I turned around to look and see what made the noise, I was tackled from behind and knocked to the ground, hair flying into my face and keeping me from seeing who had landed on me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"Where is he?" Jareth sobbed, as his tackle turned into one of those uncomofortable desperation hugs. Even though he was soaking wet, minimaly drunk, cold and carefuly holding a fully clothed (in pastel spandex) Icecapades Ken (with real long blonde hair), he sniffled with abondonment into Lisa's back.

"Who are you talking about, you fruitcake. And if you don't remove your cold little hand from my arse you are going to get a beating that makes everything else from this evening look erotic." Lisa painstakingly got to her feet, and brushed herself off, noting the dampness on her back. "Fucker."

Jareth just sat on the floor, and sniffled. "Someone has taken Teddy."

Lisa snorted, then looked up at Dee who stood in the doorway. "He lost his bear."

"Well, I didn't take it," she said with a shrug, as she smoothed her G.I. Joe tank top. It had taken her twenty minutes to get all the honey and goop off of her, and to get into cleaner clothes. Between showering in fear of someone bursting in, painstakingly putting on her makeup, and digging through the ugliest purse in the universe (tm), she hadn't even given Jareth a thought.

"Jareth, step away from your feminine side and get a hold of yourself. This is pathetic." Lisa smirked.

"Wicked," Dee agreed, as she spied Princess slipping in through the door, nearly as wet as Jareth. "I think this calls for a shower."

"Noooo," Jareth moaned. "I am wet and cold..." his lip trembled," and I want Teddy!"\

Coming up beside the SQ and Dee, Princess looked down at him. "It will \par make you feel better. We will even look for Teddy for you."

Jareth, rose reluctantly to his feet and sighed. "Alright, but no more torture."

"I can't promise that, but hot water will do you good." Dee nodded her \par head in the direction of the shower, and led him to get warmed.

"What a pansy," the SQ sighed, and then looked toward the television. "Sweet, Playstation!"

* * *

"Hey, where are Jareths tights?" Dee yelled from outside the bathroom.

"No one needs to see these skinny legs anymore."

"Shut up," Lisa Weber screamed, as Crash Bandicoot ran across the screan.

"TIGHTS!" Dee yelled again.

"The lights are on," Princess yelled back, as she calmy undressed Icecapades Ken and fished a Ninja Turtle out from under the couch.

"Dammit to hell, I said TIGHTS!"

"No, I don't think tights would look good on you," Jade admonished, as she came through the door with Kara, an angelic look on her face.

"I meant for Jareth!" Dee sighed, as she slammed her head against the bathroom door. Strains of Jareths version of "Livin La Vida Loca" could be heard through the door. "Kill me now..." Dee murmered.

"What a cow?" Essy yelled, as she came down from the upstairs.

Dee only slammed her head against the door again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Jade

Jade and Kara stood in the corner in silence, watching all the others going about their business as though nothing had happened.

"Know what?" Jade whispered.

"What?" Brat answered.

"Gemma should be here," Jade replied, a smile crossing her face.

"But how's she going to get here?" Kara asked, watching Princess with the dolls.

"I have an idea," Jade replied, walking off toward the stairs.

~~~~~~~~

"What's wrong with you people? Where are Jareth's tights?" Dee asked again, her patience running thin.

"Oh, I think Jen had them," Jade offered. Watching Dee take off down the steps to find Jen, Jade and Kara stood outside the bathroom door. "Jareth," Jade said as she knocked on the door. No answer. Jade shrugged her shoulders thinking him deaf. After all, he had been through so much that night.

"Dad!" Kara called, pounding on the door.

"You could have been a bit more discreet," Jade said, looking back toward the steps.

"Sorry," Kara apologized as the door creaked open. A pair of well known eyes looked back at them.

"Oh, Kara it's you. Thank goodness," Jareth said, pulling the door open.

Jade and Kara immediately covered their eyes. "Dad!" Kara yelled.

"Come on Jareth, show a little decency, sheesh!" Jade added.

"There used to be a time when all the listians wanted to see me like this," Jareth mumbled, as he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around is waist. "Happy now?" he asked.

"Can you do us a favor?" Jade asked softly.

"What?" he inquired, weary of anything a listian would ask of him.

"Can you drag Gemma here?"

Jareth smiled. "Of course, but what do I get out of the bargain?" he inquired.

"Nothing like that!" Kara drew the line. "Bring her here, please?" she asked, giving him the saddest eyes to make anyone want to give her the world, even to blow it up.

"Oh alright," Jareth conceded. Producing a crystal, he tossed it in the air where it hovered momentarily before descending back to the ground. At the instant it made contact, it burst into a million different colors to reveal a very confused girl staring back at them.

"Thanks Jareth," Jade said, yanking Gemma along with them as they descended the stairs.

"I don't get them sometimes," he replied softly then returned to the bathroom to finish cleaning up. \par \par "Hey when did Germ get here?" Essy asked.

"Yeah, when did she get here? Did Jareth have her hiding in the closet? His own secret love toy?" Princess laughed.

"No and no!" Gemma replied rather heatedly. "I am just as gobsmacked as you are to be here."

"Where are his tights Jen?" Dee asked, her voice tinged with a bit of anger.

"Check the freezer," SQ replied, playing the game for all it was worth.

"Oh look, here they are!" Fairy called from the kitchen just before there was a crash. "Oops!"

"Oh for the love of god, get that man some clothes!" Dee pleaded, sinking onto the couch beside Princess.

"Hey Jen, you have a mess out here to clean up," Poledra called. Standing behind Fairy, she couldn't help laughing as his tights hit the floor and shattered into a million pieces. They looked more like pixie dust now.

"And just why can't YOU clean it up?" Jen asked, looking toward the kitchen.

"It's your house," Poledra replied, stepping over the mess.

"Where have you been hiding?" Princess asked, knowing that nobody had seen her for the longest time.

"Oh nowhere, but I got some mighty fine pics of some of you," she replied, walking through the room.

Dee walked back up the steps with clothes in hand. Knocking on the door, she shoved them though as soon as there was a crack to do so. Her good deed for the day was done. He would be dry and clothed, what more could he ask for?

"Oh now what have we here?" Kara asked, picking up the metal object with curiosity.

"Where did you find those?" Gemma asked, a smile breaking out across her face. "Is there anymore in there?"

"Yes, there's another one," Kara answered, pulling out one more.

"Oh, I have an idea," Gemma stated, her grin turning wicked.

"What?" Jade asked, looking to see Jareth finally emerging from the bathroom and Dee leaning against the wall. "I think I know, don't tell me." she grinned.

"Picture time!" Gemma yelled at the top of her lungs.

"What? You just got here Germ, why are you causing so much ruckus already?" Essy asked, getting to her feet and smirking at Gemma's expression at being called Germ.

"That's Gemma, Easy," Gemma bit back.

"Don't call me that!" Essy yelled.

"Tut tut," Gemma shrugged it off. Holding the cool metal in her hand, she looked over at Jade who had the second one. This would be good, she thought to herself.

"Okay, line up you guys," Kara said politely, holding a camera in her hand. "We want something to remember this by, don't we?"

"Yeah, a real Kodak moment," Princess laughed.

"A moment frozen in time," Poledra smiled, Jareth's tights still on her mind.

"You're going to have to get closer," Kara said, motioning them to squish together.

"Sith do not get close," Essy replied.

"Come on Essy, get in here," Gemma grabbed her hand and pulled her into the tight group. Before she knew what was going on, she found herself handcuffed to none other than Jareth.

"What the hell?!" she bit out, pulling against the cuff and pulling Jareth off balance.

"Hey watch it!" Princess yelled, falling on Jareth, her hand stuck to Jareth's other hand. "What's going on?" she asked, pushing herself away from him. "Get away freak!"

"My pleasure," he stated, walking toward the door pulling Princess and Essy behind him.

"Oh that's a riot!" SQ laughed. "Who's got the keys?" she asked.

Jade and Gemma looked at each other then back to the Queen. "We don't know," they replied in unison, shrugging their shoulders.

Dee doubled over in near hysterics.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Written by Dee

"NO KEYS!" Princess lunged at Jade, but was kept back by the cuffs. She managed to fall face first into the ground bringing Jareth and Essy down with her.

"Baggage!" Jareth shreiked as Essy fell on top of him, pulling his arm up around his back.

Kara let a giggle escape, watching the struggle on the floor. "I hope that coordination doesn't run in the family."

"Baggage," he muttered as they all struggled to get themselves to their feet.

"We should really find that key," Jade said with a small smile as she looked around at the mess on the floor. "What a mess."

"What a pit would be better." Gemma mused, toeing some garbage and a barbie doll. "What went on here? I'm sorry I missed it."

"You are not," Essy grumbled as she regained her balance.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Princess whined, causing all eyes to lock to Jareth's blush. "If I do the pee-pee dance you are all going to regret it."

Dee laughed so hard she fell off the chair and into the mess of sleeping bags.

"MOVE!" the SQ commanded, moving so she could see her car in Crash Racing. "Ingrates."

"Should I sweep up Jareth's tights?" Fairy asked as she watched the drama unfold.

"My tights?" Jareth demanded, taking his eyes away from the beginning of the pee-pee dance.

"What?" Fairy walked back into the kitchen, followed by a snickering Poledra.

"Come back here!" Jareth shouted, dragging the girls forward with him.

"Noo!" They shrieked.

"Nooo!" Lisa screamed as he unplugged the playstation.

"Watch out!" Dee screamed as the three tripped over her causing a massive pile up and knocking over a coffee table.

"Ouch!" Essy yelled, pulling a silver object from under her left butt-cheek. "Hey! Key!"

"Give me that!" Jareth and Princess roared, lunging at her.

"I got it!" Dee gloated before she was tackled by three crazy people.

"FREEZE!" A voice bellowed as the front door was thrown open, and two men in blue uniforms walked in through the door.

Crowded behind the couch, Fairy, Pol, Kara, Jade, and Gemma watched with mouths open as two police men disentrangled the group on the floor, and having un-cuffed the girls from Jareth, they firmly cuffed his hands together.

"You have the right to remain silent, all that you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the the right to an attorny...." As the faceless policement went on reading Jareth his Miranda Rights the listians watch in horror.

"Miss, you are going to have to file a report." The officer said, his gaze locking to Jen's. "All of you, too." He scanned the crowd. Turning to leave, he looked at the mess of the house. "I'm sorry this wacko bothered you, in the care of the state he'll be fine. I'll see you for your report later today. Have a good day ma'am."

As the door shut behind them, the listians stood there looking at eachother in shocked horror. Horror turned to mirth as they all looked at Jenn and laughed.

"You called the police?" Lisa King gasped, grasping her sides.

"Yep," Jenn answered.

"And told him some psycho was harassing us?" Gemma giggled.

"Uh huh." Her grin turned evil.

"I love you," Dee smiled.

"Good," She smiled sweetly. "START CLEANING! NOOOOOWWW!" Reclining on the couch, she smiled at the girls milling around. "You make the mess you clean it. Next time sleepover is at someone else's house! End of story."