| She's a Julie! By Ritu Anand. Translated by Crawford Smith, from the French drama, "Elle est une Julie!" Chapter 1 Julie sat on her couch eating some pudding. She stroked the fabric of her couch lovingly. It felt so nice underneath her wandering hands. She purred affectionately as she continued to caress her couch. She made love to her couch. Chapter 2 "Julie! What are you doing?" an alarmed Janie questioned her daughter as she walked into the living room. "I LOVE THIS COUCH MOMMY!" Julie replied lying naked with a satisfied grin upon her face. "Julie, I think we need to have a very important talk." Chapter 3 Julie walked out of the kitchen with her head hanging low. Her mom had just informed her that she would have to start sleeping on her bed again at nights. She would miss those stolen late night moments with the couch while the rest of her household had retreated into a faroff dreamworld. How would she be able to handle the ache of her body, longing for the feel of the upholstery of her couch rubbing against her skin? Chapter 4 Julie endured many torturous nights without the couch. One night she awoke at 2 AM because she felt the urge to pee. She tiptoed across the living room floor towards the bathroom, when she was struck with a horrible realization. There was a man sleeping on her couch. And it was not just any man. It was her mother's sexy roommate, Jeff. Chapter 5 She let out a rabid yell and jumped on top of the sleeping form. "How dare you do this to me!" she cried as she ripped out pieces of his toupee. She picked up a spatula that was lying on the nearby coffee table and began to beat him with it. Chapter 6 A disgruntled and startled Janie walked into the room. "What's all the commotion?" "GET HER OFF OF ME!" Jeff pleaded. "Oh God…. Not this again. I'll have to put an end to this once and for all," Janie sighed. Chapter 7 "It's a beautiful couch," remarked the couple from across the street. "We'll buy it!" (Authors note: HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGGGGY IN THE WINDOW! WOOF WOOF! No, this has nothing to do with the story but just a random thing that popped into my mind that I felt I had to say. Back to the wonderful masterpiece..) Julie's eyes brimmed with tears. She could not believe this was happening to her. She ate lots of pudding and money as she watched them pick up her only true love and maneuver it down the stairs. Chapter 8 Julie spent the rest of her days eating lots of pudding and writing tortured poetry. She was never quite the same again. That is.. until…. THE FUTON! But that my friends, is a whole nother fanfic. Author's Note: My story has been criticized as being crude, pornographic, and distasteful. I would like to think of it less as filth and more as aesthetic furniture erotica. Of course the masses can not see this due to their own ignorance, and perhaps a lot of the beauty has been lost in the translation. |