| How many men does it take to open a can of beer? None. It should be open by the time she brings it! Why is Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford her own washing machine will probably never be able to support you! Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink! How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven! Why do men fart more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure! If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. At least he'll shut up once you let him in! I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always! I havn't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interupt her! What do you calla woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced! Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring. Wedding ring. Suffering! Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked what was on the TV and I said "Dust!" In the begining, God created the Earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created women. Since then, neither God, nor man, has rested! Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to! A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping and said: "I havn't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your will power." Yong son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife untill he marries her?" Dad: "That happens in every country son!" A man put an advertisement in the classified: "Wife Wanted" The next day, he recieved a hundred letters. They all said the same thing. "You can have mine!" the most affective way to remember your wife's Birthday: Forget it once! A very religious man was walking down the street in deep prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish.! Suddenly, the sky clouded over above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you 1 wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so that I can drive over any time I want." The Lord said "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enourmous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it's hard for me to justify your desire for wordly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorimy Me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finaly he said, "Lord, I wish that i could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing' and how I can make a woman trully happy." The Lord replied, "you want 2 or 4 lanes on that bridge?!" |
| Women Jokes! |
 |