CTGemini4



	Is this neverending??? Lets hope so!!

		Simon jumps into the helicopter first, leaving everyone still on the ground. CT: Darling, don't you think that just maybe you could have stayed here on the ground and helped us up into the chopper? SleB: Oooh, yeah. Shoulda thought of that. Sorry, love. Next time, for sure. CT: Great. Come on Nick, let me give you a boost. GG: Wow, CT, you're strong! CT: Working out, you know how it is. GG: Really, your arms are quite cut! CT: Free weights. You ought to try it. GG: Well, I'm not really into working out much. NR: Can we cut the chit chat? Will someone lift me please? CT: Sorry, here you go then. CT makes a step with her two hands, Nick steps into them, hangs onto UKB's shoulder with one hand and reaches up to the door of the helicopter. A very large arm reaches down and pulls him in. GG: Well that wasn't Simon's arm, that's for sure! UKB: Must be the pilot. UKB then reaches up, not needing the CT step. The large arm once again reaches down, and pulls UKB to the safety of the helicopter. KS: Uh, can I go now? You know how it is. That comedian down there is after me, and-- GG: Just go, Kevin. Don't worry about us. KS: Thanks dollface. GG: giggles He called me dollface. Kevin, buff from working out for his last role, hoists himself into the helicopter, shunning the large arm that reached down for him. CT: Gem, you go, I'll go in last. GG: Are you sure? CT: Really. Just go already - I don't want that Carrey fella gettin on this here chopper with us gals. I don't like him, I don't trust him. GG: Okay - here goooooeeess! (as the large arm reaches down and yanks her into the helicopter) CT: Oh NO! Here he comes! Let's get out of here now! The sound of the helicopter blades gets louder and louder as the pilot cranks up the engine, trying to lift the bird. HP: It's too heavy, it's going to take a while! SleB: Well start NOW for the love of Rain! Crystal will get in on time... GO! I don't like this man either! The large arm reaches down, grabs CT by the wrist, and starts to lift her in. CT's dress gets caught on something on the ground and tears. All of a sudden, CT is wearing a rather skimpy mini dress, hanging by her arm out of a helicopter. CT: Heeeyyyyyyy! Get me iiiiinnnnnnnnn! GG: For crying out loud, whoever you are, bring her in! The man with the large arm turns around. Of course it is Arnold Schwarzenegger. AS: Of course. Sorry about that. Come on, miss. CT: Thank you. Did it have to take you that long to ge me in though, really? AS: No, but I was having flashbacks and I thought I saw someone with a camera. NR: That was me. I like to take pictures. Jim Carrey is below the helicopter, bent over and holding his buttocks, trying to say something. No one is paying any attention. HP: Where are we going? CT: We forgot the little kid! UKB: Too bad. Better luck next time. He'll find his way home. AS: It does not sound as though you care if that small boy finds his way home or not. UKB: Eh, not really, no. KS: He's not a very good actor. Cute kid, but how far can cute get you? GG: Should we call the police about those Oscars now that we know who stole them? CT: Good thinking, Gem! I think we should start out own detective agency - I've got the lingo down. I can track a skel and put him in the pokey better'n Sipowicz! HP: I've already notified the authorities. They're on their way now. If you look out the left side of the aircraft, you'll see the convoy of police veHIcles heading that way. UKB: Why is it that people of authority insist on saying veHIcles instead of VEEhicles? NR: It sounds so contrived, doesn't it? CT: They're just following the lead of the Screen Actors Guild. They say it that way in the movies and on TV. Especially Tommy Lee Jones. GG: Oooh, I like him. AS: He is nah-think. He is not an action staaah. Not like me. CT: What's up with your wife, by the way? Don't you think her face is a little TOO angular? Tell her to eat a hot dog or two. AS: I know. She tries to paahmp aahhp but she forgets to eat. UKB: And how exactly does one FORGET to eat? I read this somewhere... Oh, that was another message board, never mind. NR: What did you say, love? This helicopter is VERY LOUD! Do you think you could turn it DOWN or shut the doors or something! The wind is ruining my hair, and I'm not going to be able to hear. UKB: You know, Nick, now that you've brought up the subject of your hair... NR: Yes? UKB: Could we do something about that? Please NR: I know, it's looking rather shaggy, isn't it? CT, GG, UKB: YES! The helicopter pilot turns halfway around, starts to say something, then turns back to face front. CT whispers to GG (as well as one can whisper in a helicopter) Oh, great. The helicopter pilot is now looking a little bit suspicious. His face is encased in shadows. SleB: The shadows are on your side, as soon as the lights go down. KS: It's only a cloud. The lights aren't going down. SleB: In the darkest place you can find, you belong to the hands of the ni-i-ight. Suddenly, the helicopter begins to spin. SleB: I said ni-i-ight! Not li-i-ight! No no! CT: How can we make this stop? The helicopter continues the controlled spin... UKB's face turns green, which actually looks rather good with the pink hair framing it. CT: Did any of you have Sit-n-Spins as children? Gosh I always wanted one! AS: As a little child, I did not do any sitting. I was always trying to make my little mahssels leahnah and meanah. CT: That figures. GG, sit and spin? GG: No thanks, CT, you know, now would be a good time to remind you that I don't really like flying. Remember, that's why I wanted you to come out to TLM's spring bash with me? CT: Well, that and that you wanted to meet me so much, right? And you hoped we'd solve lots of mysteries together, as Nancy, George, and Bess? GG: Ri--iii-ight. Sure, CT, that was why. UKB begins to spew and there are no nice little bags. Nick offers her his Kaboodles case. NR: I always bring this for emergencies. There's a lot of lipliner in there, darling, but that's all right, I'm rich, I'll buy more. Heave ho! UKB: I keep getting rotten things to do in this story. I'm ruthlessly mean to Matthew Perry, who I actually love, I keep conking people on the head with things, and I believe I've gotten sick twice now. Didn't I get sick in Gem's purse before we got to the tollbooth? CT: Who's keeping track? UKB, don't worry, I think you'll see that all your trials and tribulations will pay off soon enough. SleB (cued by suspense music) Maybe not soon enough, CT, maybe not soon enough! GG: What's with the Days of Our Lives method of acting, Simon? SleB: Well, maybe you should ask our pilot. (Simon points toward the cockpit) The group stares in, but those damned shadows are still on the pilot's side. GG, frustrated by her inability to see why Simon is concerned, decides to ring for beverage service. In most helicopters, this is not an amenity. Note that it is in mine. GG buzzes twice. A voice crackles over the loudspeaker. VCOL: What do you want? GG: Mineral water, please. CT: Mineral water? GG: Work with me, babe, I'm going incognito! CT: Incognito? GG, I don't think you're using the proper terminology for a private eye... VCOL: No, she's not. GG: Ah HA! A clue! Pilot, do you know a thing or two about private eyes? VCOL: Yes. SleB: I thought so. UKB: Pilot, do you know a thing or two about stopping this infernal spinning? VCOL: Oh, is this bothering you? UKB vomits loudly. The pilot obviously hears her, and the spinning immediately stops. NR: Oh thank goodness, she was starting to spill into my compartment for sparkly face paint! SleB: Some days, you frighten me, little man. NR: Simon, stop making sport of me. You know you're just jealous that the girls never wanted to see you in makeup! SleB: Ri-i-ight. That's right, man, jealous of you I was! (SleB rolls eyes, shares smirk with GG & CT) UKB: Thank you, pilot, whoevah you are. GG: Oh that's right. I was questioning our man of mystery. AS is doing bicep curls with the soiled Kaboodle. CT: Hey, GG, where'd Spacey go? GG: I...I'm not sure, now that you mention it! Pilot, is Kevin up there with you? VCOL: Yes he is. GG: (very nervously) What is he doing with you? VCOL: Giving me directions on where to land. GG: On how to land? My goodness, we're going to DIIIIIE! (assumes crash position.) CT: He said WHERE, Gem, not HOW. GG (sighs, begins to rise) My nerves are shot! SleB: Do me a favor, love, stay right there, you look cute as a bug sitting on the floor in front of me like that. GG (slaps Simon) I love you, but you need a serious anti-perv pill. SleB: Moi? GG: Yes. I don't know how you have blood running through your veins what with all the space your hormones must take up! UKB: Well said, GG! GG: Thanks, that's actually CT who gets credit for the line. CT gives GG the "OK" sign, of course, while GG shoots her the thumbs-up. UKB makes some sort of Star Trek hand gesture at the two of them, trying a little harder to fit in. The helicopter, meanwhile, is beginning to descend. UKB has found some saltines somewhere, and is munching on them to settle her stomach. Simon's eyes are fixed on the cockpit curtain. SleB: Rangdangdiggetydangdidang...rangdangdiggetydangdidang GG: Freeze! CT: Rock! SleB: No, that's the sound coming out of the helicopter. AS: That is not the sound coming out of the helicopter! NR: Well then what is it, you large fellow, a tumour? AS: It is NOT a tumor! GG: What do you do, CT, have these guys rehearse? CT: I am not responsible at the point where they start quoting their own lyrics or movie lines. GG: Hmm....OK. Well, we seem to have landed. Kevin reappears. KS: Dollface, you first, let's get out of the helicopter. GG (to CT again, as she clasps KS's hands and follows him to the copter door) That's twice for "dollface!" I am going to marry this man! CT: That's GREAT, Gem! (firmly clasps Simon's hands, follows them out of copter.) NR: (to UKB) Love, you need an Altoid. UKB: That's the most romantic thing you can think to say to me? Look, I am NOT enjoying this romantic foil business! I want to vamp around a bit like the other girls! NR: Of course you're vamping, sweetaltoidness, you're wearing that hot little Shania numb-ah! Did you think I hadn't noticed? UKB (blushes) I wasn't sure...I doubted! NR (hands UKB a tin) Take this, you'll need them for later! UKB (thinks dastardly passionate thoughts, grins, holds onto Nick's waist as they disembark) Brilliant!! The pilot is last to leave the helicopter. He is a large African American male wearing a Hawaiian shirt, baseball hat, and a Member's Only jacket. CT: You look very familiar. VCOL: I know. But we can't discuss it until we're at base. CT: WHAT?! Look, I don't know what Spacely told you, but you're not getting to base with me! I'm a good Irish Catholic girl--- UKB, GG, SleB, NR, KS: WE KNOW! CT: --and I don't go to third base or whatever base you were thinking... KS: Base, base, CT, we're going to a base. Like 'base to headquarters.' That's all he means. GG: CT's right, though, you do look strangely familiar to me...are you an actor too? VCOL: You might say that. AS: Lissen, you people, you left me in the coptah like I was an old weinerschnitzel! GG: Arnold, must you always make German references? You're really no better than UKB. UKB: I would normally take you to task for that, GG, but I'm too blissful! (pops an Altoid, rubs Nick's tummy) Kevin leads the group into a large warehouse. CT and GG are wracking their brains to figure out the identity of the pilot. Simon and Kevin begin to wander around. Arnold tries to pick up all the heavy steel items in sight. Nick and UKB tuck off into a corner. CT grabs GG's arm. CT: Oh. My. God. GG: Totally doesn't have the same effect now that we're not annoying your Matty with it. CT: Gemini Girl! GG: Crystal Tears? CT: I know who he is! GG: Our pilot? CT: Yes! He's TC from Magnum, PI! Suddenly, the entire warehouse lights up, revealing a shocking cast of characters. GG and CT look around, and see the following people staring back at them: Parker Stevenson and Shaun Cassidy Tom Selleck Gerald McRaney & Jameson Parker Farrah Fawcett, Jaclyn Smith, Cheryl Ladd, and Kate Jackson David Hasselhoff (all in black, not in a Speedo) Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas Telly Savalas Andy Griffith (with white hair and a white suit, not from back in the Andy Griffith Show days) Sherlock Holmes Inspector Clouseau Inspector Gadget Pierce Brosnan Harrison Ford Tommy Lee Jones Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta Jones Tom Cruise and Ving Rhames CT, GG: Oh. My. God!!!!