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Catamaran Cruise sounds good, sounds interesting, sounds like a group of people interested in the Thames sitting on a boat and either quietly enjoying the view or listening to an interesting commentary. Wrong. Catamaran Cruise circular trip from Westminster Pier 18.00 more like a half-full open-plan Manly Ferry at chatter hour. Westminster Bridge to Tower Bridge and back again. Hmmm. Commentary was a tired pre-recorded thing which nobody could hear properly with tacky, badly-edited music choices, obviously on CD on a crummy player because it kept skipping, repeating sections and so on. Commentary also all specific to one side of the view at any given time, but nobody said which side when I got on with the video camera. Camera has views of the south side of the river with northside commentary and vice-versa, although of course it hardly matters because most of it was inaudible anyway. Yet this is part of what you pay for. Onboard quick-hit photographers to sell you photos of yourself on board at ripoff prices while ruining tourists' own shots of Parliament by standing in front of them to ply their grubby trade. Running children, chattering adults, a vessel that nearly ran away from its moorings in the middle of people trying to board it, and a circular return cruise from Westminster Pier that ended up returning to Embankment instead, nearly mucking up the rest of tonight's schedule. Where is Arthur Daley? Not at the wheel, I hope. I've had thankfully few brushes so far with the legendary cynical "thanks for your money, now we'll be as half-arsed as we like with the product" tourist-trap breed in London, but I can at least say now that I know them by sight.
Mad tube dash from Embankment back to Westminster just in time for the 7pm London Walk through Hidden Westminster By Gaslight. A much better proposition than Arthur Daley's Thames Experience. Our guide a genial midwest American who moved to London in 1973. Noam Chomsky meets Tom Baker, stealing Christopher Walken's vocal delivery, trialling a Danish voice-throwing electronic wonder to be heard better in large areas over the traffic. Brand new Portcullis House peered into from the front. Houses of Parliament described in depth, reference to The Lord's Prayer inscribed in the stonework around the base of the building. Pushy selfish American woman wants to know why it's written in Latin. I breathe in and breathe out. Our guide very patiently explains, but he already has that This Could Be A Long Night look. We stop for a drink. The closest pub to the politicians at play has no supply of Spitfire Ale, and the continental barman has never heard of it. Worth pondering, that.
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