Hemmerinthetain
A parody of Finnegans Wake
by
Sabadino
Parker
…a kin dove evryman, wellspoken manyways, arrove from o’er the face of the shimmering she willing to digscover a goold joice of worlds to HEMmer the Kleos ovfen unforaged race. Grimmig amore for all adoes and eyepathch on halfparalax; he’s grippinsword dripdrip Inderink on inpenetouched soiling. Pearly whites shammering in the vous of the afteranon sun
summwhere beyond, in the zwings of the trees and fallen firmament (kakakarub adadamamnmingdbgtdrhumnarrasktdynfrvrfrvrivruntfrgttwritaplcrnallabcsintoyrcrniumdgndbkamen) sopht fairies of tigerlilies cacac(l)an, animamatly were bathing in bubbling Bain brook. Great dames of the wood wit flittituttering harts of soapenaissance. The flowing matherial of Tituba’s vousdeu is what it is. Headless chickens in wattry holes again. Blesst backry of finnger pies an gummitooth so. Soa kum, pensolate mistero to widmen und weihen: thou colposcopogics and lamblaid shall not wiver for an nack fir armariment suits. Four they call, thickle, eco…
Homus Erectus Manall,
Thatty that snatcherry toonursen thy wheathering
Mannamooseetumtum,
seetumtum, tumtumtum
Sewthing thy nmeverie
with oll teeteetumtum
Thrum bum thrum bum
thrum bum tum
O yes! Sir oddyseer, the makesurement man, wot halvlidded Iyes adrift interer quiet equiquave. Watchery obfushitation! Primudder darkness! Oho ohol oholy occhio! S’accoupler thymes inessence comominglt cono tutta cos. Si see sea!
Sawn. Imagicofission. Sayonara o’captain, my cap’n. Cap on? Wehehehell then, step right up and checkout thishow. Hour modello zeichen maskullbatio (thee-see-us no matter-watt) dropeepup upen the fairy-whole thirtytwo point two million fishideities allong the moisht floor. All a Wake undder Troy’s dungheap hopping to retoll the story. Whiptales stir the ethverial joices, allhowing the wanderers half his DaNA opprutunes with the others.
S…l…o…w…l…y……g…r…o…w…i…n…g in the dim nether heir nor their nor top nor bottom nor up nor down nor strange nor charmed from the blottom of the blackh o le of Calcutta intwo difflorentorations and spectaclanations. Indeed, we ave herd of the Spear-Danes most eager for fame through lotso’ flowers. Now weav a new bran dusting the field sow gillies can bloom from towerdung to towerding in the w..w..wink of an I, looking to be as wellkin of their bright smiling Pap and chuckling any rootting meat out the window. Adieu, adieu, adieu. Happy kads with wees and heehees: Ma, padre’s pikes too hard fir mee. O Tinker Bell! Titania! Medb! Comround more! Please! The backdoors cracking (crombambadlund umbgramundikkinbambnogunsaronduddumgollmnakragrooommmploofrschrrmmmplaplaflwbrndmblovf) mstuck.
Shshshshshshshshteetum she saiths…cotton HEM with sopftuch. Sophsophish. No denta yet. Sh. Wattree tumtum. She tum, o lamby; glosseomission of yer barried pa, the right angel retorner. Ol’HEMmer HEMself, longalong gonne. DisHEMbled in the montone shshsh. Shshsh. Shshsh. Shshsht.
Spoken of Una of Many innher natave thongue with fair aery speech. O ma phallos, wreeping over her ftoppled hubtree, nursens the tike o the pike, Sir Honacaust E. M..M..Malory, the weinkin stuproman. Suna solmeday Mary’s little lam’ll choka spade fur his princapple in the sky. Cap a boar wit HEM’s letters inmind and holy foot interrestreet. Just weit and sea!
DaNora Allovia, faerbelle off oll m_stories, offhers own creamations to prolitterate herenternal offspring. Offers sprites beavers in the wood, flesheshy innherds, fooder thought, throbfur life, Buddieyes. And akin to allmen fornaft, the lil’lamkid swells into un’Haryman, soot’n n’hoot’n inner mudbanks off the b…b…brook. Fababeled into yesternon. Faccia a faccia conhalluminations, yet unrespensible. Tellmet unheaded (gobodogalgharakattamatmanconkakdewmafotfuts swdagjowwthkourgafaaaeohgdiospsitvotasordenokababarutuman) whosed? Just waitent rightrelativinity.
Quark.—Wot rittles, ho ho ho, frup the sphinx knose?
Jes.—Mina’s jon athing reburn intext. So stoke her.
Quark.—Where’s the lume?
Jes.—Musey di Monolisa! Berries burried on the farshore, secund from the rite,
straighter than mourning.
Quark.—Not Pap! O, that I wood not know! O, dread throwaways on the
riverrun betwist twice echoed ears. Jace with a closelid fishface. Wonderinging in the darks witsout penlight, membrum invirile. Ome Omy!
Jes.—Its taoway of the word. Ovit or Eavit.
Quark.—Arnt jew to stand?
Jes.—Obliviously. If I saw evidence of profitability I might look into This.
Quark.—Nappeolcrabhead.
Jes.—Modern man in search of a sole gows beyond goods an devils, crimes and punishment, refusicating the masque of the hungartist in divine comedy…
Quark.—Rainy night. Gurgling guttsers. Umbrellala. Mudd’s Women. Shoe leaks. Carkey wont urn. Slipipin. Small + dry. Forgot coins? Shit. Socks wet. Hungrngry. Window to the wethroad. Coins on sill. Put in mouth. Turnroun dantakeout. Leaf in pants pocket four tomorrows…
BANG!
Just fathe west n’ferget. Redecouvrate the desincarnate. Beohauppty. Your vache jumpups oar the bloomoom circulating the moly herth. Muster masterby o’er blinder entropoppy. Neither burrower nor leasher be. Thou art the priapupil. Wholly excavaler, occhi doekey an’ all that, triuman Mercurius, magestacy, upHolden the yEaster triaddition whilst z g a g n on chaoteggs, HEMmeD iN All.
i z g i g
The goold sun rises, casting light tangents across the spherebolb[1] and, innished,[2] devouryureyes a plan[3] of interograting the sinistra and write.[4] Fortifictioning a trusty
ship away…loking for tleasure in the glode. Robin Hood to visit World Bank. Taken to the witting world, the trees, the winds, the warps, the treaming, the fore, the raft, the son of allthe manymen with manyeyes to return with the ashking the scores of sunders and ribalding forspaken on the voyeurage; taken from fair Shinola once to vicostern again, and along cresebbing theams and forms into the rivermouth empottying cominulations faway flewn around thrice, twice, and