The other day at University we were talking about death, funerals and that sort of stuff. I don't know how we got onto the topic but we did. Anyway, the main topic of conversation was about the music that we'd have played at our funerals/cremations. OK, there's all that stuff about Angels by that git Williams being the number one choice and to be fair, people who have Moonlight Sonata or Adagio For Strings are going out with a bit of class but I think there are so many more opportunities for a class choice of tune to shuffle off to.
I don't want this to be confused with the music I'd have playing over my Death Montage if I was a character in a film because that's quite a serious question that would require a lot of thought and I'd be tempted to say Adagio For Strings myself. No, I'm talking about the last song that people will associate with you.
"I, oh, I'm still alive,
Hey I, oh I'm still alive,
Hey I, but I'm still alive,
Yeah I, ooh I'm still alive,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah"
Fantastic! There's plenty of other songs that could get one hell of a reaction. How about Knock On Wood? Think about it, all those crying relatives have their mood lightened by the climax of the song:
"Yes you better knock, knock, knock on wood,
Oh no, baby
Knock on wood.
WOO!"
Do you really want to go out surrounded by a load of people crying and being all depressed? Come on, you're dead. You really need cheering up and the sound of laughter is bound to do it. People might think that choosing this sort of thing is a little insensitive but not me. No way. I want those people who didn't know you but have come along to show support to someone who did to have a good time. They've really put themselves out by going along to this funeral of a stranger, not the way I'd want to spend the day so you've got to give them a laugh.
Funerals
High Speed Dirt - Megadeth
Down Down - Status Quo
I Like Dirt - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Here I Go Again - Whitesnake
Going Underground - The Jam
Des'Ree - Life
This Is My Life And I Like It - Jefferson Airplane
Living In A Box - Living in a Box
Cremations
Blaze of Glory - Bon Jovi
Fire - Crazy World Of Arthur Brown
Ring of Fire - Johnny Cash
Highway to Hell - AC/DC
Light My Fire - The Doors
Disco Inferno - The Trammps
Dig For Fire by the Pixies would work for either.
Don't get me started on other thing to brighten up a funeral. I mean, I want one of those self-made video eulogy things played. You know, the thing when you appear all solemn on a huge video screen and tell people that you love them and not to be sad blah de blah blah. Kick off your video in the usual sitting in an armchair next to a window thing but instead of the saying "If you're watching this video then I've passed on...." start off with "Hey! Who died?" You've got them then. Another good tip is to threaten a superstitious person who you didn't really like that much with a haunting. Finally, round off your video with a really, really, REALLY long joke, like that one JB told me but stop the video just before the punchline. That'll stop people being sad, they'll just be really pissed off at you instead. Wicked.
Last but not least you should think about what you're going to have written on your tombstone. None of this "Beloved" crap, again you want something that'll really get a reaction from them. Remember that your tombstone will be seen for years and years and years after your death so it has to be well thought out. A few suggestions:
"Here Lies John David Thompson. An Atheist. All dressed up and nowhere to go."
"You should see the other guy."
"My other grave's a mausoleum" (fantastic for a child of the 80s)
"www.wormfood.com"
"Made you look"
